Feeling lost

  • 7 replies
  • 27 subscribers

I was living in Spain until 6 months ago, when I was unexpectedly diagnosed with metastatic cancer in my bones and lungs.  I've had to return to the UK to get treatment, and that's going well...but I had to leave all my family behind in Spain, including my 2 children who did not want to relocate (they now live with their father).  Now I am completely lost, I only have my partner, who is great, but I cannot deal with leaving my family behind.  I visit when I can, and do face time etc, but I just can't get past the intense sadness and desolation I feel every single day.  I'm now having terrible anxiety attacks and my mental health is in tatters....I can't believe I only have a few years left (my prognosis is a couple of years)...I'm only 52, and I just feel like the battle isn't worth it, if I feel this bad..  My partner does his best and my GP has arranged some counselling for me in the New Year, but I'm dreading Xmas, the first one away from everything I've known for so long....sorry for the long message, I'm just in bits.  Can anyone give me some tips on how to feel more positive?? Thanks

  • Hi

    I think it's completely understandable you are feeling this way, your whole life has been turned upside down.  I was diagnosed with bowel cancel earlier this year, and in the space of 3 months my world has completely changed, I think you feel like your life isn't yours anymore because of all the appointments etc. Mentally I am struggling massively.

    I know people have said to me about taking one day at a time and on bad days breaking it down so that I just focus on hour by hour so as not to think too far ahead, I think as well try not to feel bad about the fact that you feel mentally rubbish (easier said than done I know), you have had to deal with and are continuing to deal with a massive thing!

    Sorry I know that is probably not overly helpful, but sometimes it helps knowing we aren't on our own.

    I hope you are able to enjoy your weekend xx

  • Sending you special hugs. 
    How are you doing? Hoping the treatment is going well and you managed to enjoy some good time over Christmas. As RL says focussing on an hour at the time is sometimes the best solution. I also find spending time to do nice things is helpful. Occasionally I write a small list of small things I like to do that I know make me happy, then when I am lost I can pick up the list and smile. 

  • Thank you for taking the time to respond...its been a while since I posted, I did read your message, and you know it helped just knowing that I wasn't the only one feeling like that!! Your suggestion about taking time little by little really did help, and I got through the festive season just counting the days really! I'm going to visit my family for a few days soon so that's my focus right now....I know things will get easier, but sometimes it's hard to hold onto that thought! I really hope you are managing to get through your days the best you can, as we all have to, and know that you are not alone....sending a big hug to you xx

  • Hi there, thanks for the suggestion, I will try and make that list!! I'm really glad the festive season is over, I found it very hard being away from my children etc...but I did the facetime thing and I hid it all very well!! My GP has actually prescribed me some meds now which are helping keeping me more level headed, and I'm speaking to a Councillor from my local hospice next week to try and cope better....I'm just so aware that I should be making the most of my time now, not wallowing in depression, but unfortunately my brain isn't reacting logically at the moment! I'm just taking it day by day with hopes of happier days ahead, its very reassuring to know there's someone out there that understands!! Thank you so much xx

  • Hi my breast cancer has spread to my sternum after 10 years and I was told 2 years ago I had 5 years and this year it has spread to lymph nodes under my collar bone. I asked for councilling 2 years ago to help me live with my cancer rather than thinking I was going to die all the time and the young girl really helped me. Don’t get me wrong I still have my down days but the best thing she told me was:-

    your journey with cancer is like a book and at the moment you’ve read the title and then skipped to the back page!

    turn the pages one at a time, some will be good and some will be bad but there are an awful lot of pages to read before you get to the end and you don’t want to miss any of them Kissing heart

  • Just read this and it really resonated with me. What a wonderful way to think. Very inspirational. Thank you so much for sharing.