Mums secondary diagnosis

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Afternoon just jumping on her for some advice.   Mum was diagnosed with secondary bc just a few weeks ago after an emergency trip to a&e for back pain a  scan revealed it was in pelvis.   Had another scan on Friday there and we now go tomorrow to see the oncologist fir the first time since we heard the news.   It’s been 5 years since she has the all clear so we are devastated at this happening like anyone.  We know it’s treatable but not cureable. Mum not saying much at all about it but I’m terrified the doc is going say a time limit of how long she has left.   I have been reading people can live for years with this snd have read some really positive stories on here. I want to be there tomorrow for her but feel absolutely ill at the thought of her saying she’s not got long.   Any advice appreciated?   Thanks 

  • Hi,

           For me taking a note pad with questions and to write notes during the appointment helped.  

    My mums app was more about the treatment plan and nothing else. We didn’t ask anything regarding prognosis etc. I was also conscious of  staying quiet when needed to allow my mum to ask any questions and build a relationship with the oncologist. 

    I know it’s nerve wrecking but you come this far. If it helps it’s a step closer to getting your mum a treatment plan. 

    ps. I found it very handy to have the contact details of the oncologist secretary. 

    Sending you and your mum lots of love for the app tomorrow. Hopefully, you will feel some relief that you have a treatment plan in place and a bit of control. 

    love Faith xx

  • Sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis.

    It's very rare for an Oncologist to give a time frame unless it's clear that death is close. That is to say, all treatment options have been exhausted, and the cancer has spread into vital organs.

    The positive side is that your mum only has spread into her pelvis, which isn't a vital organ, and there are a whole myriad of treatment options, especially if the cancer is ER+ or HER2+.

    My wife is one of those that always asks for a prognosis. Her oncologist always says "ask me again in 5 years". They view breast cancer more as a chronic disease now, as it can be controlled with treatment for a very long time.

    All the best, and good luck with your Mum's treatment.

  • Hi faith

    Thanks so much for this message.  I will take a notepad with me and as you say let mum do the talking as I have a habit of taking over so I’m going sit back a bit.   Yes once a treatment plan in place I think I will feel better and mum too for going forward.     I think the last we spoke your mum was about to start treatment?   Is it going well?

    love

    Jacquekine

  • Good morning

    Thank you so much for your message it’s so positive!    I think my mum is her2 so that’s good to know there are plenty of options available.  

    I hope your wife is getting on ok too with her treatment.  

    Thsnks again and take care

    Jacqueline 

  • Hi Jackie,

                    Wishing you the best for today. My mum seems to be managing ok with the tablets and pain seems to have got better after radiotherapy. X