Hi there, not used to sharing like this with people I don’t know but then I don’t know anyone in the same situation.
I went to my GP with an odd pain in my left shoulder last November. While I was there I asked her to check what I thought was a swelling caused by falling in my right breast.. you all know the rest - mammogram, ultrasound, biopsies. Then the results - for me Stage 4 Breast Cancer metastasised to my bones. The feelings of guilt were awful. How could I have missed this 8cm lump? A mammogram 15 months earlier had come back clear. I was putting my family through all this agony and if I’d been more careful of myself it might not have gone so far.
So I had the mastectomy in December ( very hard to cope with) and in February had radiotherapy and then started on palbociclib and letrozole. When my pain increased and my mobility all but vanished, a CT scan with bone scan and X-rays showed the cancer was now everywhere but still only in my bones. Small fractures and tumours in my spine, hips, long bones in my arms and legs were painful and debilitating.
From the start I made it clear I didn’t want to go through harsh treatments that would affect the quality of my life and that of those close to me. My consultant suggested I try ‘Taxol’ and that the dose he intended to give me shouldn’t cause harsh side effects. He was right. It isn’t too bad- steroids and Piriton seem to keep the nausea etc at bay. I am very tired after each treatment ( once a week for 3 weeks then a week off) Then what I dreaded most - my hair started to feel very uncomfortable and to fall out. I was horrified and cried and cried. I texted my GP to ask for something to calm me down. She rang me back in half an hour and talked until I calmed down. She said to get a wig and give it a go so I did and the lady who owns the wig salon cut my hair to 1/2” all over - instant relief.
So this is where I am right now. I’ve learned that when faced with traumatic things like a mastectomy or losing your hair, you have to trust the advice you get from professionals and bite the bullet. It isn’t easy but not anything as bad as I feared. I have met nothing but kindness and genuine care from surgeon, consultant, nurses, hospice nurses, my GP and of course from my family and friends.
I am trying to take one day at a time. Sometimes that means taking the day one hour at a time. My emotions are not as under control as I would like. I worry about how my grown-up daughters and my husband will cope now and in the future.
Thank you for reading this - writing like this is therapeutic and for that reason I am writing a journal about my journey,.……"
