Breast clinic yesterday - told I have breast cancer

Hi Sarita81 sorry you find yourself here, the club none of us would choose to join. I hope though that you will feel a bit less alone now that you are here - I have found it a great place for support and shared experiences. People here ‘get it’ in a way that family and friends often just don’t. I think your comment about how maddening the ‘think positive’ remarks are will resonate with all of us here! There have been whole threads about annoying remarks that are made to us, well meaning but just not appropriate or helpful. 
My other source of support has been from other cancer organisations - Future Dreams in London is wonderful (for anyone affected by breast cancer), it does in person and online sessions. Maggies Centres, if you have one nearby. I also go to an exercise class locally (Hertfordshire) for anyone who has had cancer. 
Sending love and a big virtual hug - yes you are allowed to ‘wallow’ as you’ve said, cancer is a sh*t show and you have more than enough to deal with already. You are at a horrible stage too - waiting for a more detailed diagnosis and a treatment plan. Keep posting here, there will always be someone going through something similar. Love and hugs, HFxx

Also the helpline here at MacMillan can offer all sorts of support, including re work and finance xxx

Hi Sarita81 

I am sorry you are here. I really hate all the think positive stuff too. It’s not going to change the cancer! When you have your results appointment it will tell you a bit more about what they have found. The grade (how different the cells are from normal cells) and what receptors it has - any, all or none of oestrogen, progesterone and human growth hormone. These, plus the size of lump, and whether it’s thought to be in your lymph nodes will determine treatment. 

I had a lumpectomy and it only took a few days to recover from. I was up and about as normal the day after surgery and didn’t have a lot of pain. 5 days of radiotherapy also isn’t too intrusive. It does bring a bit of tiredness and you of course have the appointments to attend, but it doesn’t get in the way of much. So if you do just have a lumpectomy and 5 days radiotherapy you won’t be forced into taking a lot of time out of work. Not everyone needs chemo or other surgeries, in fact more don’t than do. Cross that bridge if you come to it. 

I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this, it’s a journey that no one wants to be on, but on it you are and you need to prepare yourself for a bit of a rollercoaster. My advice would be to apply for pip. It isn’t means tested so that will give you a bit of financial support. It’s a very in-depth application but it could give you access to blue badge and other things like a disabled rail card. Your gp needs to give you access to free prescriptions so get that sorted too. Look for local support groups they may give you access to counselling, other therapies to help you along the journey. Treatment wise the nursing staff l have come into contact with have been amazing and you should feel well looked after. You’ll have emergency contact numbers if you need out of hours help. Hopefully you’ll tolerate the treatment well. Just keep an eye out for fatigue as it creeps up without you realising. Ask friends to help if needed. If you can get some batch cooking done so when feeling depleted energy wise you have food at the ready. Hopefully family and older children will step up and take on some additional responsibility.  Having been on the journey and nearly a year on from starting treatment I’ve met some amazing people, I’ve made new friends, joined support groups, tried new things - I’ve discovered l like Art and love having a go. Cancer takes from you but also it gives you the opportunity to re-evaluate, be kind to yourself, try not to overthink things, deal with the facts in front of you and above all give yourself time to take it all in. You’ll discover you are stronger then you ever thought you were.

I felt the same . Keep positive seems like such a banal comment but people just don’t know what to say I think. I have lots of messages from friends who want to meet up or speak but I don’t want to. The one time I did a dear friend just banged on about it and what I should and shouldn’t do and stories of people she knew. She’s a wonderful person and meant well but eventually I was in tears and said please can we talk about anything else ! And she was great. Tell people yo how you feel and you know they mean well you need empathy and understanding right now and frankly it is sh*t ! It’s like saying try not to worry too much ! Oh ok I’ll just switch that off then thanks for advice ! You scream , cry and rant as much as you need ! Here if nowhere else as whatever anyone says this completely sucks x

Hi NewGirlBig C76f63c 

Re your advice to claim PIP: To claim PIP you need to have daily living or mobility issues that you have had for 3 months that are expected to last for a further 9 months or more. Unless Sarita has other health conditions, a breast cancer diagnosis wouldn’t qualify her for PIP let alone a blue badge. I agree with the rest of your advice. A breast cancer diagnosis catches up with you even if you are on the minimal end of the treatment spectrum. 

Hi Sarita81 

To pick up on your concern about finances: Our publication Help with the cost of cancerexplains the types of financial help you could get and who to contact for further support, including Macmillan's money advisors. It also includes a mini guide ("Finding the right benefits and help") to help people find the right section of information in the booklet.

Hi Sarita81

I understand how you’re feeling. I went to my GP and referred to Breast Care Unit. Mammogram, scan, biopsy, result 1.5 cm tumour behind my nipple. Told that Thurs, booked for surgery 6 days later. Took 2 lymph nodes, nipple and tumour. 4 weeks later told nodes were diseased and last week had all lymph nodes removed. It’s been very quick and I didn’t have chance to take it all in.

I’m 67. Now waiting for results on 3rd September. I was supposed to have 5 days radiotherapy, but told that is no longer an option it’ll be Chemo. I can’t say I’ve had much support from the hospital. Had a drain fitted and was expected to get on with it. I found it very difficult and it was very painful. Meant to be taken out on Monday 10th August, but I had to go back this afternoon. The nurse dropped the drain box and I screamed in agony, actually dropped it while I was lying on the bed while it was still attached, felt like my side was being ripped open. Many apologies from her….. This is a breast care nurse ? She took out the drain and thank goodness, pain easing now. 

I have a very supportive partner and good friends, I don’t have any family and we moved to this area just a few months ago. So, this happening has caused me a lot of stress and worry financially. It costs a fortune to park at the hospital but I’ve been advised to put in for a Blue Badge though that will take weeks. “Red Cross” advisor helped me to fill a form for Assistance Allowance and came out to me to fill it in which was a huge help, I couldn’t do it over the phone or fill it in myself. I got the over 65 forms, you should get some form of financial help for your age group too, especially as you have children. Your work should also help, do they have a sick pay scheme? They have a duty of care too, you shouldn’t feel under pressure. Ask MacMillan helpline for finances about what you can claim. They offered to help me fill out the form, but I think that would be over the phone. Citizens Advice help too. I got Red Cross through a meeting with a Veterans coffee morning we attend weekly. I wish you all the best, I do know what it’s like to be told to cheer up, think positive, but it’s very difficult.

Regarding PIP, she won’t know until she tries, like myself with the over 65’ Attendance Allowance, I have other health problems going back years and all that counts ! I was shocked to hear that but it’s true. Hardly took time off work during my 50+ years of working, I just got on with it, but it’s all recorded in my medical records, tests X-rays etc, so all that goes with my application.

I had help with my form and been advised if it’s rejected there will be an appeal. You don’t need benefits to get a Blue Badge, I’m applying for mine on Friday at our local library who will assist me filling in the form. Any allowance awarded will mean I’ll pay more income tax on my works pensions though. I already pay as my state pension though not taxed is counted towards my overall income.

Thank you everyone for your replies. I do have other health conditions so may give PIP a try - I'd been considering it before this anyway. It's a weird feeling this, I feel like I've just been left to it at the moment which feels strange. 

I'm still in quite a bit of pain from the biopsies and can't really get comfortable so am still taking it easy. It's good to know there's support on here which is without judgement or criticism. Thank you all.