New diagnosis

Hi Mary,

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I was diagnosed in early Feb with a grade 2 hormonal breast cancer. I found out that I had cancer at my mammogram appt in the other breast not the one i actually went in about (which turned out to be a cyst).

Everybody kept saying it was a blessing otherwise the cancer wouldn't have been found for some time. I was numb to this for a while. Everything moved very fast for me though and it took a while for my emotions to catch up.

I'm 41 and a single parent and looking at a 10 year treatment plan and I absolutely hate the thought of it now. It's hard coming to terms with it but my advice would be kind to yourself when the reality hits. 

 Rie xxx

Thank you. Glad I’m not the only one that has felt like this. Hope everything is going as planned for you xxx

Hi Mary 

I think how you are reacting is a very normal way of protecting yourself. Of course you may find your feelings about it change over time as you get closer to treatment or wait for your results. I wish you all the best. 

Hi Mary 

So sorry to hear of your diagnosis. 

I was 46 when diagnosed in November last year and after a 24 hour period of anxiety following hearing the news, I actually settled and felt fine for a bit, but did end up having a meltdown about a couple of weeks later where I just sobbed non-stop for a few hours. Looking back, this is about the point where it started to actually impact my life and therefore became real.

How you feel is personal to you and I don't think there's a normal way, only your way. 

I hope your MRI comes through soon and wish you all the best with your treatment. x

Hi Mary

Sorry you have to be here, but welcome!

Same as Rie, I went in for something else two years ago when I was 46. I had a lump in my armpit which was confirmed nothing to worry about but cancer was found on the other side. Went to work the afternoon after diagnosis and then kind of floated around for a few days thinking it either must all be a mistake or tricking myself into thinking I was superhuman and it wouldn’t affect me.

But, the reality did hit, and for me that was going for the MRI. It sounds silly but I had to cut off a leather anklet I had worn for years because it had metal on and that was the moment I realised I wasn’t in control and didn’t have a choice. After sobbing all the way through the scan I kind of came to a point of acceptance. 

It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. It’s a big thing and it takes time to process. x

Mine has been a bumpy road and there have been a few mess ups at my hospital. I've had my surgeon put another patient's heart condition in my follow up letter which took time to sort out and get an apology letter and a correction to my records. Then a blood test went walk about, then my chemo dates messed up and injections on my first infusion prescription were messed up. I have to have 5 instead of 1 due to my latex allergy. I've had to strongly advocate for myself on top of coming to terms with the diagnosis and now losing my hair as cold capping hasn't worked that well for me. 

I've gone from numb, to anger, denial, grief and all of it is normal. Life will feel so different for you as you move through your journey and I find these forums are the best place to get support along with having a Macmillan buddy. No question feels like a silly question.

I am finding that nobody quite 'gets' the cancer journey unless they have had it. I'm the first person in my family to be able to be treated for cancer and I have no friends who have had it or much experience of it. 

I'm really sending you all the best and love and strength and when your MRI is done you will have more information to work with xxx

Hi Mary

I was diagnosed in March and I too felt completely numb, like it was happening to someone else. As someone else said, I think it is the minds way of coping. I think because its shocking news, we kind of shut down a little. 

I found little things set me off eventually, like getting the dog some medication. From the vets before going in for surgery.  There was a slight delay and I burst into unexpected tears. I would find I didn't cry, but my eyes would just pour, if that makes sense. 

Eventually I did break down after an appointment and cried after the realisation of everything. I went to the Macmillan hub and they were simply amazing, I cried for an hour. 

This journey is hard, and it is lonely in some ways because no one outside of the cancer world can really and truly understand. 

However, this is a safe space with plenty of lovely people who do understand. 

Wishing you all the best and sending huge hugs xx

Schmoodle