Feel like a fraud / numb/ not real? Is this normal?

I can relate to this so much. I put it down to the fact that I didn't feel ill from the cancer but did from the operations so the cancer seemed almost academic rather than real! I think as teachers we are also so used to getting on with things regardless, that our attitudes to this can seem less than they really are. It's just another thing outside our control that we have to get on with. I do think this helped my recovery though. Quite frankly there is no right or wrong way to deal with this, just our own way, 

I would say to take as much time off as you can and not rush back. I have had 4 months off and am due another 3 weeks and I am definitely in a much better place physically and mentally than I would have been if I hadn't taken the time. 

Good morning Golightly,  I agree with Hides there is no right or wrong way to deal with it, there is only your way.  I felt the same when I was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and just dealt with it and got on with chemo, op and radiotherapy.  I only cried two years later.  We each have our own way of dealing with it.  But I would also say take as much time off work as you can possibly can, it is so very tiring and it takes our bodies and minds a long time to recover.  Take it easy and be kind to yourself.  I wish you well in your journey,

Lee x

Thank you so much for replying. I’m sitting in chemo no 2 with hair shedding everywhere and still it seems like I am making a fuss over nothing and I don’t want to bother people. Maybe you are right, maybe it is being a teacher and feeling like you should never be ill or never be off if you are ill/must still set work…. How are you now? 

Thank you so much. It makes me feel I’m not quite so mad. I hope you are ok. Chemotherapy session 2 now and hair dropping like crazy….. 

Hope you are doing ok 

Hi, whatever way you feel about this, it's the right way for you. Once I got over the initial shock, I was also absolutely practical about everything. I worked throughout treatment (luckily I can work from home) and dealt with everything with a “just get this done” attitude.  For those of us who can maintain a positive mindset, I honestly believe this helps. Best wishes 

Hello,  Everyone is different when it comes to reacting to health issues so I don’t think you need to worry too much.  Sometimes the full impact can be evident later on in the treatment phases.  Personally I was a wreck from the first but being an RN didn’t really help as I am the type who needs to know everything.  Took me awhile to get to where you are but I would have loved to be there from the beginning as I spent so much energy worrying.  I felt so well too that it seemed unreal as had no symptoms.  That made it hard for me.  You will be OK and your feelings are your own so hugs to you and wish you the best with treatments.  I don’t know if you celebrate Easter but if you do Happy Easter .

I am feeling much better. The cancer still dominates my thinking / conversation but I feel I am over the worst. To push myself to get fitter I signed up for a mighty hike with macmillan and then paid for personal training at my gym to get my strength back. I know I usually take 10,000 to 15,000 steps a day at work but since December on some days I've been doing less than 100, especially after my operation so I was worried I would not be able to last a day anymore!

The best decision was to not work. I deleted my school email and google account off my phone and my school have have excellent at insisting that I ignore work. I am curriculum manager as well as class teacher and my school had ofsted and even then they told me it was happening but not to worry about it. My headteacher has been contacting me weekly just to keep in touch and insists that I take as long as I need to and not rush back. I certainly haven't been setting work and it has been freeing to just worry about myself and my recovery rather than everyone else. 

When I go back in May I'm only working until 11:45, which is lunchtime, for a few weeks before deciding whether I can manage a full day. Take care of yourself, you are important and you can't help anyone else if you are not well yourself. 

I hope your treatment goes well. 

H

You feel what you feel. You could possibly be in shock too. My 1st cancer was a "wham. Who smacked me with the sledgehammer?” shock. I think I cried telling my family.

This time round? At the accessment centre when they mentioned lymph nodes, I knew. Don't ask me why though. Just praying it's not spread!

But I'm completely calm. No emotions at all. Maybe it's the happy pills I'm on for other "issues" 

Good luck Golightly xxx

Good morning JH70 I have just read your post.  When will you have the results from the accessment ?  Just wanted to wish you luck with your results.

Lee x