Scared of what new life will be

Hi Jayne, 

You have just described exactly how I felt (and sometimes how I still do) prior to my double mastectomy which was last October. I am now half way through chemo. 

My cancer is Metaplastic which means is grows really fast (mass was 10cm by the time they operated) and can come back really quickly in other parts of my body, it is also triple negative which means it’s hard to treat because chemo doesn’t work well with this type. Knowing this is the reason why I sometimes still feel this way even after surgery. 

I had my own business which was the focus of my life, I have had to give it up because of treatment I now have a new life and it’s up to me what I do with it, I have had time to reassess what is important and I have decided that the work I focused so much on is not on my list. 

I am finding the side effects chemo hard, mainly the nausea and headaches, I expected to get all of the side effects on the list like nails falling off and teeth falling out but fortunately most people only get some of the side effects, I haven’t had issues with nails, teeth or skin. 

I am not feeling strong and sometimes feel like giving up on it, but this is a normal feeling that comes and goes during treatment, joining a local support group really helped me understand how breast cancer is not one single disease, there are so many variations of it and treatment effects everyone differently, the support given by the ladies in these groups is wonderful, they have been through it and in a way they still are because breast cancer will affect you for life.

It does get easier, but not every day, yes your life will change forever but re-assess (when you feel mentally able to) and try to look for positives in the future when treatment has finished. There is support out there and support from people that are/have been through it is sometimes better than support from your loved ones who have no idea how you are feeling. 

I wish you well with your surgery and a quick recovery xx 

Thank you x this means a lot x take care xx and thank you for your reply xx

Hi, I just wanted to pop on and wish you the best for your surgery this week. I had a lumpectomy 3 years ago and whilst I have a few side effects from the chemo and ongoing hormone meds, I am back to a busy full time job, lots of travel and doing everything I want to do.

My diagnosis for sure changed me, but in many positive ways. I am much more relaxed about work than I ever was before, I take more care of what I eat and drink (well, at least I try to) and I have figured out how to manage the side effects so they really don't limit me at all.

The fear and uncertainty is very normal, but be kind to yourself and take one step at a time. Best wishes 

Hiya, good luck for Tuesday. Was in a similar position to you in October - the thought of life after surgery scared me to death. But actually, the mastectomy was ok, the pain was 1/10. 

Agree the swelling & Lymphoedema is a constant worry for me, but do your exercises twice a day, drink lots of fluids, move (ue walk), take a good afternoon nap, moisture your scar when it's healed & go to a cancer support centre that offers complimentary therapies. Meet up with friends....get a little routine going for the daytime. It helps you feel a little more in control.

The evenings are harder as that's when scary future "what if" thoughts arise, but find something to take your mind off them - the Headspace App has a great Coping with Cancer meditation, I use that before bed sometimes. Teaches you that thoughts will always come & a natural part of the course of this crap disease, but that they are just that, thoughts. I find it helpful.

Please know that you can do this and that your medical team will have you initially. But take back done control if your body to help your recovery, and it will help your mind a little, helping you to be that little bit stronger to cope with the surprises as you go along.

All the best fit your op & you have this x