How to mentally get over last 2 chemotherapy treatments

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Hi all,

Ive recently posted asking the question about stopping chemotherapy at the last 2 sessions due to other medical issues. I’ve decided to carry on despite this, as after chatting with oncologist it’s really in my best interest to try and complete due to being high risk. Tomorrow is my 2nd to last treatment then just the one to go ! I think I should be feeling brighter than I do, as for the first time I can see light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel so so flat and bleak and like a massive struggle to get this bit done. I met a lady yesterday who was at the very start of her treatment and was looking to me for reassurance and advice, which I was more than happy to give, and I hope I made her feel reassured and relaxed.  Why do I feel so awful myself? Has anyone experienced this , it’s quite overwhelming. Advice greatly received xx

  • Hi 

    Congratulations on nearing the end of your course. 

    I'm only 2 out of 6 cycles and the tunnel is very dark.

    It's a huge thing to undertake and has a huge toll on the body and mind. I find myself listening and talking to people about their problems/fears/ worries etc but inside screaming "I want to tell you how I'm feeling".

    The way I have dealt with the dark days is distracting myself. Many a time I have just broken down in front of my husband or face timed a very close friend or my SIL. Even if they just sit there and let me pour my heart out.

    It's great to be supportive to other people but you do need time to yourself.

    Macmillan has great support network where u can pop in to coffee mornings or getting out of the house, even if it means walking down the road or standing in the garden. 

    I'm sure you will figure out how to lift yourself up 

    Use this forum to write down. No one is judged. We are going through the same thing together x

  • Emlee 616

    Hi 

    Thanks for replying , it’s a bumpy ride isn’t it? Some dark days for sure, a sprinkle of light ones here and there. 
    I’ve distracted myself with some rubbish tv for now ! I think once tomorrow is done I will hopefully feel brighter .

    Im sorry you’re stuck in that dark tunnel, but just think after the next treatment you will be half way through, another step closer.

    Thanks so much again, much appreciated. Also you’re right it does help to just write it down on this forum, never thought I would ever post on any forum.

    Take care xx 

  • Hi - I fully understand what you are describing. It is not just a psychological toll but also a physiological toll (and a combination of both...) so even if you are 'positive' or seeing the end, or you have the drive to keep going, the body might not be aligned and it drags you back. There's not much you can do about your red blood count for example. And of course is such a disruption to you normal life that you too eager to finish it and feel 'normal' again... So it is complicated to manage the feeling of wanting to finish it + realizing that it is a hard journey.

    I did 2 cycles of a strong chemo regime and then a scan 4 days before the start of cycle 3. I got good news (scan was showing response to treatment) the 2nd day of cycle 3, which meant the treatment would be 4 cycles in total. If the scan had not been good, it would've been 6 cycles in total. Of course I was super relieved but at the same time I thought, wow, this is already a lot, how would I be able to do 6 cycles if I had to? 

    I only found the strength to do the final cycle because it was the last one. I was quite overwhelmed too. As you say, seeing the end helps, and looking forward to breaking the hospital-home-hospital routine was also a driver for me. I got there and it was better than expected in the end, but yeah mentally it is hard.

    Edit - I just realized this post is on the breast cancer forum. I didn't notice when I was on the main page - I had lymphoma.

  • You are more than welcome. 

    I'm not 1 for sharing. Bit of a bottler but the fact that everyone on here is going through the same although at different stages and different diagnosis, we are the same  

    You may be helping someone as well as having a bit of self-therapy with like minded people 

    I do wish you all the best and remember we are here. No judgment x

  • Hi 

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so flat and bleak it’s the worst feeling ever. I found it a massive struggle and it didn’t help when people around me were telling me you’re so strong you’ll smash it.

     I found it a struggle with so many side effects and had to have my drugs changed 4 times to find one that I didn’t react to. 

    I’ve just finished my 6th cycle and have a mastectomy on Monday. Like you I questioned about carrying on and felt overwhelmed and stressed every time I went for chemo but I got through it telling myself that I would feel rough after each cycle but it would soon be over.

    Be kind to yourself and lean on those around you to help you through it. Sending big hugs and positive vibes you’ve got this stay strong x

  • Hi,

    Thanks for your message. It made sense to me, the mind over body. Like a mental gymnastics. I had my 2nd to last treatment yesterday, I think it definitely was one of the hardest hurdles for me , but that day is done now! Hoping this last one will not give me that bleak day before, and get the same strength as you knowing it’s the last one. Also the home-hospital routine on repeat is a definite positive to draw on and cannot wait for this to finish , it takes it toll for sure. 
    Thanks once again for your time and support.

    Take care xx

  • Hi,

    Thanks for messaging. 
    Firstly congratulations on getting through the chemotherapy.  I felt like you , massive struggle before every treatment, this 2nd to last was particularly difficult, but I I did it yesterday, so only the 1 left now. I’ve had dose reductions and one longer break in between,  I certainly haven’t felt like a warrior women going into battle, and have stamped my feet, cried and been pretty difficult around my loved ones , especially my poor husband who really has been very patient and kind. I
    I also will be having a double mastectomy after treatment in January, so at least I can have a small break to recover.

    Good luck with your surgery and hope your recovery and healing goes well for you.

    Thanks so much again and take care xx

  • Hello / I’ve just done 5 of 6 and it was hard. The culnulative impact is not to be under estimated. One thing that has helped me is the breast care nurses offering a counselling referral - I need surgery next so I felt that my road remains long - maybe counselling either through the NHS or MacMillan might help? Have a think. You can do this.