I have written about my cancer story before when I told about my husband being diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer in February 22 and me diagnosed with breast cancer in the June. I had a mastectomy and was told there was no sign of cancer about a year later. My husband died 10 months after his diagnosis. I coped well with my cancer as I was so concerned about my husband and how he suffered at the end. He was a very strong man who liked to be in control of his life. His last few weeks were so undignified and humiliating for him and I know he hated me and our children seeing him like this.
Now after being referred to a pain management clinic after suffering pains just about everywhere, including back and knees. Following lots of scans I have just received a letter saying that I have highly suspicious mets on vertebrae two suspicious lesions in sternum and acetabulum on left hip. They are other tiny nodules on pleura left and right lobe areas which not commented about suggestive of mets.
I am 84 and can accept dying but what I am so very anxious about is that I become helpless and lose all my dignity relying on my son and daughter so that they have to go through it all again 18 months after my husband. I know they willingly will look after me but I really , really don’t want them and my grandchildren to have to see me as this hopeless , helpless old lady. I am sure this is not sounding good but it is how I feel. My daughter is away on holiday and she does not know about the last diagnosis and I am dreading telling her. My son lives a long way away and offered to come straight away I told him to wait as I may need him later as at the moment apart from being emotional I am ok. I wonder if others have just received letter telling the news.. I wonder if it would have been better to hear it face to face and accompanied by my daughter.
