Struggling with depression.

Hi FE1 welcome to the forum. I am so very sorry to hear how you are feeling and I wonder if it may help to know that you are not alone in feelings nor thoughts. It is the hardest thing you will ever face and a part of you is forever changed as a result of that. So please don't beat yourself up too much as we all understand where you are coming from..it can be hard for our families to see us differently from how we have always been but it's inside of us that changes, like how we feel about things or what we think about things. All they see is you and you are at the end of treatment so smile on and on you go. Except it's not like that as you know. I wonder if you felt able to look up a paper written by a psychologist Dr Peter Harvey called " After treatment Finishes" : "What next". He describes all that you are saying in your post and I feel that you will recognise yourself in there, I know I did. It might be worth printing this off and asking family to read this as well. Meanwhile I'm sending some huge big hugs your way for now. Xxx

Hi there, I’m sorry you are feeling so down. It’s horrible and sometimes overwhelming with the way forward hard to find. I was referred to BUPA 4 weeks free counselling and found it very helpful. It helped me to find a way forward. Certainly in the short term. Could you ask you breast care team?  Otherwise, please go to see your GP. You are very important and deserve to get the help you need. Sending lots of love and hugs xx

Hi FE1 

I can't imagine what it feels like to have had 3 years of treatment. That must be exhausting. Mentally and physically. I'm only 6 weeks into treatment and I've already had enough.

I have noticed that my male relatives (sons, brothers) almost refuse to accept that cancer is a serious illness. Strange. My daughters are completely different as are my sisters and friends. 

You're here though and this site is full of people who get it. Are there also local cancer groups you could join? I'm wondering about embracing icancer and somehow getting more involved in a local charity- could you do that? I supposed I'm saying consider support beyond your partner. 

Thinking of you and hoping you can find a way through. 

Xx

Hi. Devon62. Yes I do think because it's a difficult experience to understand especially from the male perspective. It's upsetting as I often feel like I can't talk about it and when I am obviously down about it he avoids me. I am hoping to join a walking group once I am better able to manage my side effects. Thank you very much for your reply and very kind thoughts. It is very much appreciated.

Xx

Hi, FE1.                                                             Your post struck a chord with me. Firstly, let me congratulate you on completing a very tough treatment regime in addition to looking after an elderly, frail parent.       I had surgery and finished chemo/radiotherapy in May, and I struggled to feel "normal" afterwards. My wonderful family encouraged me through several setbacks during treatment but I just don't think friends and family "get" it, and expect us to return to being the people we were before the diagnosis. 

      I cried almost every single day for months on end and couldn't understand why I felt so mentally and physically drained when active treatment finished. I thought I could power through under my own steam and would feel more in control if I reached certain milestones, eg when my hair grew back, when my eyelashes/ eyebrows grew back, when my wound finally healed. The truth was, I had a reactive depression and I eventually asked for a course of anti-depressants (a big step for me).                    They may not be for everyone but I am so glad I asked for help and got it. I feel so much better. I'm so sorry you're having an awful time right now but have every hope you will come out the other side of this in the not too distant future. God bless, and take care.

Hi there

what you have so ably and vividly described will resonate with soooooo many people x

I’m sorry you feel like this, but my goodness you are not alone. I think getting the right support is absolutely crucial.  There is certainly support out there, But it varies in terms of quality and of course different people want different things so I wonder if you may feel you can do some research and maybe try one or two things until you find something helpful? 

the article that one of the replies refers to has been an absolute revelation for me. I found it and read it and it is remarkably intuitive. I have sent it to some family and friends as I feel it describes very well the way I feel. It has also helped me to understand that the way I feel is normal and nothing to be frightened of. 

I had some counselling through MacMillan which I found very useful and wonder if you would consider this? They can also provide a volunteer buddy who can ring you once a week for a chat if that is something you would find useful.

do you live near a Maggies centre? They are remarkable places and have support on offer. 

I think it’s really important that your partner understands that you will not get ‘back’ to how you were. MacMillan support to partners too if your partner would be receptive to being proactive in finding out what they have to offer. I think many people find that the cancer pathway changes them forever. That doesn’t mean of course that life can’t be good and you can’t feel good, but your life has been touched by something so profound that you are bound to be changed in some ways.

honestly, with the right support your feelings well settle and you will be able to see a way forward. My heart goes out to you,  What you are describing is horrible, but it is just one phase of your life unfolding and it will pass xxxx

Hi Hedera,

Thank you for your help. I am currently receiving counselling which helps. I think that my daily sad feelings stems from the difference in me now compared to the start of this journey and trying to get those around me to see this. It feels like we have to slowly accept we are different in so many ways and therefore our family and friends react differently to us. Often making upsetting and at times harsh comments as if going through this journey isn't enough we have to explain ourselves. I have found it so tiring at times but if I snap I'm being ungrateful in their eyes. My journey like many has left me with permanent physical restrictions and scars and deep mental changes too. Cancer is so difficult to make others understand the length of time it continues in our minds and physically and that we're never just going to get over it as one person recently said to me.

Thank you for your encouragement and kindness. It is very appreciated xx

Hi Andypandy.

Thank you very much for your reply. It's nice to feel like others get what I mean and as you say our new normal is such a challenging and changing reality. Like you I thought I could just get through it by keeping going. Throughout my life I have always just powered on but this journey is so brutal it feels like running a triathlon I have not trained for but have no option but to do it! 

Like you I have been reluctant so far to ask for anti depressants but with the way I feel now I am thinking of asking my GP about them.

I am glad to hear you feel better for using them 

Thank you for your words of encouragement and help xx

Hi! You are not alone in your worries. I also use letrozole, and I can say that it really helped me cope with some of the symptoms. The main thing, of course, is to use letrozole only the best quality. However, like you, I had a feeling that I would never return to who I was before, and this feeling can be very difficult.

As for your partner, I understand how painful it is when it seems that people close to you cannot fully understand you. Maybe he just doesn't know how to express his support or doesn't know how to help. Maybe it's worth trying to talk to him again, explaining that his understanding and participation are important to you, even if he doesn't know what to say.

Try also to seek support from those who understand what you are going through, for example, on this forum or in support groups. It can really help. And remember, it's important not to rush yourself. Allow yourself time to recover, both physically and emotionally. If possible, it may be worth discussing additional support methods with your doctor, such as therapy or counseling with a psychologist.

Hang on, you've already come an incredible way, and it deserves a lot of respect.