New diagnosis

Hello everyone. I'm new here.

I've just been diagnosed with invasive lobular breast cancer in my right breast after a biopsy taken when attending the clinic with an area of thickness near my nipple. It's ER8 PR8 HERÈ negative. Nothing showed on my mammogram in April, so it's come as a huge shock. I don't drink much, have never smoked and run 5k three times a week. I breast fed both kids. I'm 58.

At first they said the lump was 16mm, and that I'd have surgery and radiotherapy, but the MRI showed it to be 27mm with another small area near to it which they are going to biopsy. If that's also cancer, they'll say that together that makes a 30mm tumour. They also found cancer cells in a lymph node under my arm.

I'm having a CT scan on Friday evening. I was already terrified, and the prospect of the CT scan this is making it worse. I'm convinced they are going to find it everywhere.

I can't eat or sleep and feel like I've had all the stuffing knocked out of me. Both me and my husband don't know how to make it feel better. It just seems impossible and so so scary. I'm so scared.

I realise I'm lucky compared to those of you with small children. Both ours are grown, but I feel so guilty for putting everyone through such worry.

Sorry, I'm going on!

  • Thank you Barbara. It's good to hear your story. It really helps. Again, I'm so glad that I found this forum.

    Dreading my CT scan on Friday evening. I'm convinced they're going to find it everywhere and that will be me, game over. Torturous thoughts.

    Take care Kissing heart

    Karen x

  • Hi Karen,  I know it is normal to feel scared but most BC doesn’t grow that aggressively.  Thank God. Now that I can look back at my own experience I was glad they did the MRI as it found a very small cancer in other breast.  It was hard to deal with it at that time but would probably been worse if not found then and found later on.  Try deep breathing and if you haven’t seen the movie Being There with Peter Sellers be ready to have a good laugh.  I watched it and a few other comedy movies when I was going through it and it helped.  Take care and wishing you a great report.  
    Hugs to you. 
    Barbara

    Barbara 

  • Hi Barbara

     I love that film! It was one of the first I watched with my now husband when we first got together 39 years ago. We must watch it again. So funny!

    Thanks for the suggestion.

    I have a question for everyone. I called my breast cancer nurse yesterday to ask when I will get the CT results. She said they'd be with the clinic on Monday and that she'd have a look for me as I'm so anxious. is it a good idea to get them over the phone or should I wait longer until I see the doctor in clinic the following week? Of course, if it's good news finding out over the phone would be good, but if it's bad news, what do I do with that? 

    I hate this so much! It really is a roller coaster of emotions.ibfel fine yesterday evening, when we went out to a gig, but back here again in the slough of despond.

    Sending love to all

    Karen x 

  • Full Monty is a great film too as well A fish called Wanda!!  Laugh and chuckles every time I can.  Hugs to you.

    Barbara

    Barbara 

  • I'm wondering the same as you caseyj4c.  I know I have to wait a whole week following my MRI next week to get the results...The waiting is beyond horrendous....I haven't reached out to my BC nurse yet, even though I've wanted to about...I don't know... 50 times in the last week!  I was okay at work today (it was like being in a bubble) and, then, the second I leave...the moment I'm alone, I'm back trying to stave off the fear and the negative thoughts....

  • Hi Triah

    Yes, it is horrible. I have lost 4kg in two weeks following the diagnosis and every appointment throws up further bad news. I guess this is why I am so dreading the CT scan this evening, and the results next week.

    I know I need to eat, but I can't. Not sure I will withstand this awful journey. I have an appointment this morning with my GP to ask for something to take the anxiety down a notch. 

    I feel that everyone here seems to be braver than me. Not feeling hopeful or lucky right now, and finding it hard to be in the moment. 

    Triah, do reach out to your breast cancer nurse. She's seen it all a hundred times and I'm sure she'll have some words of comfort for you. 

    Karen x

  • GP prescribed diazepam to get me through this period where they are investigating and staging. It's already calmed me down. Well that and having two cats asleep on me. 

    Can already think about other things. Would recommend in the short term.

    I saw that m medical record still says 'curative'. Hoping that remains the same after the CT results come through.

  • Actually, that's a good idea....Maybe I need to get something like that?....I have my lovely pets too...what a great comfort they can be!

  • You’re not going on at all. I have felt the same! Had mastectomy now having adjuvant chemo. 
    I’m sending you my best wishes and big hug xxx

  • Hi All

    An update.

    The CT scan was clear elsewhere - hurrah, though they saw a nodule on my thyroid and something else on my left lung, though I was assured that these are not cancer. I will have to have these investigated though, later I hope. 

    I had to have another biopsy of the second lump they found in my right breast, lurking behind the first lump. I saw the MRI images and could also see the bits in my lymph node glowing away happily, even though I had my arms down by my side when I was scanned. Waiting for the results of this biopsy delayed things by another week, and I will find out on Monday 27th what is going to happen. It feels SO SLOW. Like they are willing things to get worse while I wait. 

    I have small boobs, so I am expecting them to suggest a mastectomy. I actually would prefer this to a lumpectomy. I want it all gone so that there is no chance of anything being left behind or as little chance as possible. I am really hoping to avoid chemo, but realistically, I am expecting this to happen. I really want the mastectomy first though. I want it out of my body. 

    Mentally, I am having ups and downs. I am off the diazepam for now, since getting the CT results I have calmed down a bit. I am exercising and doing yoga and meditation. It has really helped, even though I am a cynical person usually. This process is changing me already. I can eat now too. Always a bonus. Sleeping still isn't much of a thing though. The middle of the night is not your friend when you have BC, is it?

    I have also found Liz O'Riordan's podcast 'So Now You Have Breast Cancer' brilliant. She is an inspiration. A breast cancer surgeon who has had breast cancer. You can find her on Instagram @oriordanliz.

    I find myself browsing the BC forums a lot, and I have realised that I must limit this exposure, as it can induce panic again, even though everyone is lovely.

    I just want to get on with the bloody treatment now though!

    How are others getting on?

    Karen x