Breast cancer recovery following treatment

Hi AngelaT211, sorry to hear of your diagnosis and that you feel so alone and unhappy. There are times I have cried and think why me, I was pretty healthy and fit too before I was diagnosed. Unfortunately cancer can affect anyone no matter how fit and healthy they may be, it doesn’t discriminate. I have found the support from family and friend amazing and also the medical team that have been treating me. I have called the Macmillan team to as well as visited my local Maggies and Maclliam centres to have a chat. They are incredibly understanding and can point you in the right direction to maybe speak to someone. As hard as it might be it is good to talk with people and let them know how you are feeling. Sometimes just chatting to then over the phone is easier than face to face. By visiting the centres and coming online here you will also get lots of support and advice too. 
Whilst I didn’t have a mastectomy the area where I have my lymph nodes removed has sunk into my armpit a lot more and doesn’t look the same as the other side and I feel I will be keeping that covered as I don’t feel happy going now in sleeveless teeshirt or vet tops like I used too. Whilst that’s nothing in comparison to they way you feel it’s a big step that you have taken to say how you feel on here and you should be proud of that big step you have taken to share your feelings. 
There will be others who to can share there experiences on how they feel and what they have done to help boast their confidence.

Wishing you all the best for your journey.

Hugs from cuffcake x x x x x

Hi Angela, so very sorry to hear you are feeling so down right now, cancer can be so very tough both physically and mentally and we all have to do our best to find ways to deal with it.

I'd really suggest giving the lovely team here at Macmillan a call on 0800 808 0000 and just chatting things through with them. As cuffcake says, it can sometimes just help to chat to someone who understands.  Or if you don't feel like talking, they have a chat function as well.

I hope this helps a little and I am sure there will be others here in the forum who will share their experiences as you are absolutely not alone in feeling like this. Best wishes 

Hi Angela,

Your words resonated with me. I've not smoked, drank little and walked regularly.  The consultant said my cancer was just down to bad luck. I've also now got very high blood pressure and don't know if that's caused by the stress of the cancer diagnosis.

I have always been very independent. The cancer diagnosis has made me feel vulnerable.  What else might go wrong? Or even be happening within my body but I just don't know it yet. The negative feelings don't help me feel better but I don't think I should dismiss them.

Being in control is very important to me so I'm trying to build this up. I have a daily task list for arm exercises and taking meds, I'm going to add 20-30 min walk five times a week and doing something nice for myself each day which have been recommended this week by forum members elsewhere. I'm also writing letters to an imaginary friend so that I can express all my worries, and seal the paper in an envelope so that no one will see it accidentally.  I have friends and family but am selective in what I share.  I think if I wrote in a journal or blog there would be a temptation to revisit what I wrote last time, and all that angst would come flooding back. I put the date on the outside of the envelope and at some point can decide to read the letters or destroy them. I've created two playlists of music, one happy and one for wallowing. 

That all sounds a bit more positive than I actually feel!

How are you feeling today? 

Sarah 

I used to write my thoughts out in a journal when I was having problems. My then partner was in a bad place and not functioning well. Years later I rediscovered it and was saddened and shocked by how low I felt. I always burn things when I don't want them anymore. Sometimes it's an act of freeing from the issues. Call in Archangel Michael to cut the cords as well. I have done a lot of work to develop spiritually. 

I am going off piste I know. It horrible to have your life as you knew it taken away. Hope is eternal, healing us a slow process, allowing it to return as you get some of your abilities back. Small steps, finding out how to use your time in a positive way. I started walking just around the village to start with. I like gardening. Finishing little grams of pleasure however you define that. Be selfish, you can work it out. 

My Mother nearly died twice during my childhood, the effect of my b.....d father and domestic abuse. My childhood was defined by trauma. She eventually left him and met her soulmate at 50. I know this is unrelated, it's just about allowing the clouds to part and see the sunshine. When depressed it's hard, I know. Speak to your GP, see if something can help. I am starting a Hope Course at my Local Macmillan Centre soon. 

I am hopeful but life is hard for a variety of reasons. Hope you find something and that your spirit can heal as much as your physical body. X

There are some fantastic charities that look at the whole you before, during and after cancer - penny brohn and cancer active are just a beginning. Have a look at whats there and what you can do to recover and find yourself again. I also found counselling really helpful through macmillan and found alternative therapies like acupuncture and reiki really useful to me. Penny Brohn and Cancer active are all about what you can do to help yourself from calming your mind, through to nutrition, exercise, support groups and so on. There are also doctors that specialise in this type of oncology and I think you can see one through Penny Brohn if you wanted to ask questions for yourself. am thinking of you on this journey and wish you all the best for finding and accepting the new you. x

So sorry you are feeling this way Angela. I finished chemotherapy last March (2022) lost all the hair on my body and that was followed up with radiotherapy in May. So its been a year since treatment ended. I too fear that the cancer could come back any time (TNBC). I try not to think about it, but it’s like a dark shadow lurking in the background. Every twinge I get makes me panic a little. I try not to think about it. Probably need some counselling but not sure I could voice my feelings without getting emotional. My next mammogram is in August. Your feelings are totally valid and you are not alone feeling like this. The worry doesn’t end when the treatment finishes. Hugs xx

Hi Angela, this makes me so sad to hear you are going through so much. I think you have several things you need to seek help with. Maybe decide which problem causes you more upset and try to speak to the right people.

Have you spoken to your surgeon concerning the pain you are still in? Did they tell you how much pain you would be in. I had 2 lumpectomys and radiotherapy 5 years ago and still have some discomfort but I was expecting that and it's manageable but it sounds like yours is a lot worse, I wonder why. 

As for how you are feeling, so many ladies and men for that matter go through the same feeling as you, it's a struggle but all you can do is take one day at a time and please talk to someone, you are not alone. I think a lot of the worry is not really understanding what to expect or what's happening to your body. When i got told I had cancer I was strong, I supported the family and friends but once most of my treatment was complete, I'm still having reconstruction operations, I then started worrying about it coming back, I came of the Tamoxifen in March and thought now what, there's nothing stopping it coming back, I felt protected but that's gone now, so I'm not dealing with this stage quite so well but I just take it one day at a time and it's reassuring to know I'm still having mammograms. 

My breast is a right mess at the moment, it looks ugly, much smaller than my other and I have lost confidence in my body too, so I totally understand why you are feeling like that. Talk to someone, be honest with them and yourself and you will feel so much better after a good chat and knowing you are not alone and everything you are feeling now is very normal. 

I wish you all the luck in the world. Please let us know how you are feeling now and what's your next steps, remember, one day at a time

Big hugs Sue x

What great advice. Thinking about doing the letter writing now. I'm reluctant to share certain aspects as well so this is a great idea. T hank you Helen x

Hi Angela

Having one of those days today. Want to cry but can't. Want to talk to someone but can't. Want to be normal but can't, no today at least. Trying to cheer my arse up but it seems impossible today. Tomorrow will be different, not saying I know how ill be but it will be a different day to today and I can only hope. Just know this is normal and you'll get there. Talk to your gp for some help. If he offers you antidepressants take them and look at them as a helping hand for a while. I'm currently on two types due to long standing mental health problems and after 40 years I know there's no shame in them. We can only do so much ourselves. Your path has been very like mine but now I'm starting again as they found another cancer. I've lost my breast this time and waiting to start chemo again. It is a different cancer to the first one and as I told my hubby if they can cure it once then they can do it again, ooo look at me being positive when feeling like I can't. Please speak to your gp they really are good when it come to cancer sufferers. Love helen