In Limbo

No it’s natural to find the waiting stressful and worry… it’s difficult moving from one part of the treatment plan to another and a new routine/team.  I’ve just finished chemo and should be happy or at least relieved but I am worrying about when the port will come out and (just like you) if they have the right number and when I’ll start radio and what it will be like…. It’s hard moving on even though we are making progress.  I hope you hear back soon and have something to put in the diary.   I had calls for everything but they did reminders by text - letters came but always too late… I hope things run smoothly and you can be confident about the process. 

Hi #LabradorLover,

Thank you for your reassuring reply. 

All of the uncertainty is awful isn't it?

I'm so glad that you have completed your chemo and are moving forward with your treatment.

Last time, radiotherapy, for me, was so much easier than chemo. Painless and no side effects.

I hope you find it's the same for you too.

With very best wishes. 

 Hi #LabradorLover,

Amazingly, I've just received a call from chemo nurse and pre-assessment arranged for next Monday with first chemo cycle on Tuesday.

Now I can stop stressing that they haven't got my number.lol

Got more important things to worry about now. 

Take care.

I'm glad you got that call - at my lowest point I remember being absolutely convinced that I had been forgotten... but I hadn't.  Waiting for things to happen is awful!  I hope your treatment goes well.

Best wishes

#Sapphire

Thank you ever so much for your kind words.

I'm feeling so low right now. I can't sleep I have no appetite, mind racing, shaking, crying etc.

Just when I think I have one thing sorted, I find something else to worry about.

Now I'm worrying because the chemo nurse who rang me yesterday didn't mention anything about having a port fitted prior to starting chemo next week.

The Breast Care Nurse said I would probably need one fitted as I have had sentinel nodes removed from both sides now.

I only thought about this last evening and I've been stressing about it since. 

Now I'm wondering if I should call the ward later on this morning. One minute I'm telling myself that they must have it all in hand and then I'm thinking maybe I ought to check.

Don't want to mess the staff around. They have enough to do.

I would have thought it should have been mentioned though as it has to be done in theatre. Unless they intend doing it at my pre-assessment.

This is my life at the moment, constantly worrying about everything. Finding it difficult to take in and retain information. Needing to write everything down.

Needing reassurance all of the time. I used to consider myself a strong and positive person. I have turned into an emotional wreck.

I don't think I can or want to cope with all of this. Thinking I'd be better off taking my chances with Mother Nature.

Please forgive me for the rant. I intended to only thank you for your reply.

Take care.

Rant away Cannyannie!  You've got an awful lot on your plate, and it's not surprising that you feel so overwhelmed with it all.  Ring the ward, your BCN, the chemo nurse and/or someone at Macmillan, a friend; you're not messing anybody about, and they may be able to give you some answers.  Write down what you want to ask before you call - it's hard to remember everything.  Courage and strength, my friend.  Courage and strength x

Oh my dear Cannyannie,  wish I could give you a big hug and let you know that this nervousness and anxiety will get better but it may take time.  I was such a nervous wreck that I thought I was going crazy.  I felt like I had things sorted out one minute and the next I was not sure if anything.  It took me so long to even decide what I was going to have done for surgery and the breast surgeon told me it was a good thing I didn’t have an aggressive cancer.  Everyday brought me new worries and anxiety.  I didn’t want radiation at all and that was a real hard decision as I needed it on both breasts as had DCIS in one and stage 1 invasive in other.  I lost 10 pounds going through it and it was due to my stress.  I was eating well but my body was in overdrive.  My surgeon was patient and he even sent me to the radiation oncologist for a visit to learn more.  Once I made the decision after long angonizing over it there was so much relief.
I am a registered nurse (retired) and had all these issues and everyone told me that I must be better equipped to handle it.  No way I was a nervous Nellie.  
I hope you can work through this sooner than later as it is stressful enough without the extra.  Deep breathing helps some.  
Barbara

Dear Barbara and Sapphire,

Thanks ever so much for your replies.

The indecisiveness and  the uncertainty truly is awful.

Thank you for making me feel that I am not alone.