Newly diagnosed- 35, two kids, terrified

Oh I'm so sorry you are here and going through this.  Let me first say that all of your feelings are completely rational and normal.  I felt exactly the same, numb almost then that waiting period your mind runs away with every scenario possible.    I had that rollercoastef every 10 minutes I think but I assure you it changes once you have a firmer platform and that means your results.   MRI people are not experts in cancer so even if they could see the lumps they won't have any prognosis.   Just keep breathing my lovely...   it gets easier.   Good luck for Thursday I'll be thinking of you xx

I totally understand you freaking out, it is terrifying to think of cancer in your body.Mine was caught early but I just could not settle until that tumour was out!  I am sure the radiotherapist didn’t change his demeanour because of what he saw, probably he was just concentrating. Whatever the outcome the treatment nowadays for breast cancer is excellent. It will mean lots of procedures, lots of appointments but it is all part of the journey to get rid of this unwanted visitor. It will have hit you harder than most because you have young children but just try to take each day as it comes and just tick off each procedure as it is completed. You will get lots of support on here so keep posting any worries or questions you have.

Evajean

Hello and sorry you are dealing with breast cancer.  It is overwhelming at first and the mind goes in all sorts of places and some are dark.  For myself I think all the testing and wondering took its toll.  I had MRI’s too and all they can tell is if there are any spots etc that need to be biopsied.  You can read my bio if you want to see what my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment was like.  You will find out on Thursday if you need to have an MRI guided biopsy.  I hope that you get a good report but even if you do need biopsy it could be benign.  It is hard to be patient but one thing I learned from having breast cancer is that you need to be flexible as seems there is always another thing that you need to deal with.  It is totally normal to feel like you do and crying helps to relieve some of the stress too.  I know that your children will be a help too.  
The mind can play havoc with your emotions but I think once you know the total picture of what you are dealing with and the treatment plan you will feel more centered.  Of course there will be times that just really suck but some positive times too.  
The women here have all sorts of things they have dealt with and I have learned so much and gained insight about myself too.  
Take care and just a positive note.  Had my first mammogram in August after all this and  all was well so it was a high note. 
Barbara

Thank you, I'll update on Thursday once I have more information.

Almost hourly my mindset changes from disbelief, to anger, to warrior, to overwhelmed. It's a rollercoaster.

I appreciate your response, thank you x

It's really odd isn't it? You convince yourself the experts know more and they're not telling you. The reality is, as a conveyor belt, I'm in the MRI and out. He would not have known why ot what I was there for, only a guide on what to focus on.

For all the terrible thoughts, I do have some positives. I am doing exactly what I want unapologetically and I am saying yes more often to the children. I have slowed down, the time is for them and enjoying ourselves, folding the washing can wait! X

Thank you, I'll have a read and appreciate your response.

I think the 'not knowing' is the worse part, and why I'm heading into some rough places in my head.

Once I know, I will have an action plan and will kick it's butt, I just need that process and I'll follow it.

Since writing, I am more positive. Just getting it down is a step that helps. I am glad I found this link, thank you x

Yes you will find your mindset changes and you will appreciate small, everyday things more. In this busy world we live in we rarely stop to enjoy and appreciate what is around us. Just spoil yourself and enjoy your children. Fingers crossed for Thursday.

Evajean x

Hi ELBread so sorry to hear about your diagnosis of breast cancer.  My heart felt thoughts are with you and I cannot imagine the trauma you are going through with young children to think of.  But what I do know is that when your treatment plan comes into action, you will fight like a warrior because you have every thing to live for and most important of all your beautiful children and family.

I am so proud of you that you are getting positive thoughts now.  Dont lose them they will give you the strength to see your cancer journey through.  And of course it is difficult to process and feel scared and over whelmed.  I am 3 months post diagnosed stage 2 invasive as well 1.5mm and 5mm duct high grade.  I still go into blurs and have to snap out.If you are having lumpectomy , that is normally a good recovery but wait on the post pathology results can be stressful to see full treatment plan ahead.

Good luck on MRI scan results on Thursday.  I think this is just  routine to see that the tumour is not bigger than it should be.  I have my fingers crossed for you and hope you will get away with radiotherapy and hormone therapy after lumpectomy as that is much better than having chemo and Herceptin as well which I am undergoing. 

I fully agree with you that a diagnosis of cancer changes you in many ways with a blessing.  You learn to appreciate the people you love more , those who support you are valued more and come closer to you, you appreciate the gift of life and do all the nice things you want to do . For me , for once I put my mental and physical  health  and family first and stopped stressing about work committments.

You can do this and I believe in you.  You inspire all of us.

Thank you. I have so much I want to see and do with the children, we've never been terribly materialistic, we focus on experiences with the kids- as much as they try and avoid reading facts when in a castle! They'll thank me later and always end on an ice-cream or treat for learning!

I am going to write a small list of things I want to achieve or see, during the treatment (even if its, start a new book, pick up some phrases in a new language). I want to focus on positive growth as a way of working alongside the action plan. For each procedure, I'll have an accompanying achievement.

I'll post this as I'm going along. It'll be a nice way to distracted myself but feel rewarded thereafter x

I am so grateful to this support network and that of my friends and family. I have never been more popular with people checking in and thinking of me. It's not the attention I want but I can't help but be overwhelmingly grateful.

It's very easy to spend time stressing about work, worrying what others are doing, and generally seeing the world as a negative place. Those thoughts are so muffled now, they're super irrelevant now. And that is soooo refreshing.

I slept terribly last night, the evenings and sleep are where my worry catches me out and I too have little periods of the day where I am in a fog. 

I hope all continues to go well for you, our cases sound similar. I appreciate our paths and experiences may differ but it's nice to understand what others went through, their plan, their thoughts, any side effects or things they wish they'd asked etc to be fully prepared for what's coming.

Thank you for sharing your journey too, all of these comments and support are helping me rationalise. This will not define me, I will be free of negativity because I have a very real new found purpose for life.

Xx