Supporting my daughter

Hello Mummy B. There is no way to know whether or not your daughter will be find to attend appointments on her own, but there is one thing I am absolutely certain of -- putting pressure on her to allow you to go with her is not going to help and in fact would put an extra burden on her. Unless a really extreme situation develops, you must let her lead on this even if you do not like her choices (including her possibly opting to take someone else with her to any of her appointments, or go alone.)

Reading through the pages here will give you some idea of what people deal with, which may help in finding out how to offer your daughter the best support in the best way. There is also a forum in this community for family and friends, you may find more people there who are in your position and are able to offer support and advice.

Thank you for your reply. I do no force myself on her and make sure to tell her what she needs from us as a family. I will always honour her wishes. My only concern is whether she will feel unwell and her be on her own. I will follow her lead and trust she will reach out if need be, thank you again.

Really hard for you. I know it’s been really tough for my mum too, I’m 50 but like you say, she’s still your baby. I think it great she’s said you can go for the first and last few, shows she’s prepared to let you help IF she needs it. That is a long tube journey so I do understand your concerns. All I can say is when I had radiotherapy I was very lucky, I had pretty much no side effects at all until the last few days and week after it finished when I got some small amounts of scabbing. That said I am small chested, 34b, and larger ladies sometimes suffer more. I was fine with my appointments and nobody came with me to any of them. I have another friend who has driven an hour each way for her RT and similarly has been fine. I did feel tired, that was probably my only issue. Hopefully she’ll have the same experience. As hard as it is, give her some space, she’s more inclined to let you step into that space then if she needs you. All the best and happy to answer anything else I can x

Hi  and a warm welcome to the forum. Great that you’re supporting your daughter, and following her lead re how to help. It must be very hard as it’s often difficult to know what is needed. 
Re feeling well (or not) during radiotherapy, it’s really going to be a suck it and see for your daughter as it seems we all react differently. In my case, I drove myself to most of my 3 weeks of sessions, an hour each way. I wanted to have some control, as it does feel like so much is being ‘done to you’ during treatments. However I was glad when a dear friend offered to drive me for the last week, more because the seat belt was irritating by then, rather than being too tired to drive. So if your daughter reacts as I did, I would think she’d be fine to travel on the tube throughout, from a physical point of view. She knows you’re ‘in the wings’ to help if necessary. 
I do understand that your daughter will always be your little girl, I feel the same about my grownup daughter and son. As GreyCats says, the Family and friends group could be helpful too as there will be others there discussing supporting their loved ones. And this group will give you an idea re what your daughter may be going through. 
Love and hugs, HFxx

Hi Mummy B yes I think she will be fine the nurses are wonderful. If she is finding it difficult on her own she will let you know ,  As mother's we do sometimes find it hard to stay back as we see our children facing things in the way they want to face things. But you are there if needed that is a wonderful support X Best wishes 

Jayne X 

Thank you so much for all your replies, it has really reassured me. I sent her a text this morning apologising if I seemed too forceful as it wasn’t my intention. I get what you all say about maintaining some control, I just have to do the same with my feelings. I wish you all well and thanks again.

Mummy B just wanted to say how lucky your daughter is to have someone like you in her corner. This is a long and at times scary journey but she will know she can reach out to you. Having spent 30 years watching my mum being poorly, with a heart condition, i know all too well the need to want to help. I now find myself with BC and can understand her wanting to do what she can for me. I think it is the feeling of helplessness which makes it hard as we can only watch loved ones go through their journey. I wish your daughter all the best and sending you a hug. Take care

I think you’re doing great. You’re in a horrible position and taking the time to think about her feelings and put them ahead of your own. If only everyone had such a lovely mum! Good luck with everything and do remember where we are if you’ve any other questions x

Thank you both so much. I’ve been reflecting today and am going to take my lead from her and by the advice and support from this group. I agree, it’s the helplessness I feel and wanting to ease what she’s going through. I wish you all, all the best xx

That´s so understandable, Mummy B, that you want to take away her pain. As a mum myself, to a little boy, I totally get that and I doubt that ever goes away no matter how old our babies get ;) 

As others have said, your daughter is lucky to have such a lovely, caring mum and I am sure that she will appreciate and rely on during this difficult time. 

I no longer have my parents and that is hard but I feel fortunate to have caring parents in law and even if they can be heavy handed at times, especially when my diagnosis was new, I knew they were coming from a good place and genuinely care for me and our family. I´m sure your daughter will feel similarly.

All the best to you and your daughter. XX