Well after responding to many of you and being positive for the past few months. I have finally had my cancer meltdown. I had my last EC 10 days ago and it knocked me for 6. I felt sh1t and spent a week in bed. Then this weekend had the meltdown. Why me... I can't do this anymore... ( got 12 weeks of taxol/ carboplatin ahead plus results of genealogy) fed up of saying I'm OK when people ask how I am, when really want to say I feel sorry for myself as I've got fu*cling CANCER. I want to rip everyone's head of and no mum, I dont need another fuc*-in dressing gown as I can't wear 4. I'm a customer care manager still trying to maintain some normality, albeit working from home to avoid infections and my team need to not put any customers through to me because I cant be ars* d with their first world problems. Everyone tells me I'm tough and cancer picked the wrong person, but boy... its hard to keep up the mask when everytime you catch a glimpse of yourself you are reminded you are a cancer patient.
I've had a bloody good cry all weekend and think there is still some to come out. What I really need is a punchbag, but the sad thing is I don't have the energy or would probably hurt myself or scare folk at the gym. How fo you get the anger out... answer's on a postcard please...
Feel better for letting it all out
Have you been told how "lucky" ou are yet ! Another phrase that p!sses peoe off ! It's ok to say you are not ok. Just message work colleagues & text friends/family that you it's hit you and you are not ok and need some space ! Xxx
Phone the Macmillan helpline... I've done a meltdown in their direction more than once 
Yes!!!! Yes!!! And more yes!!!! I feel for you I really do, hope that was therapeutic. You need a few days off work too and as Radge says I have done exactly this to the Macmillan helpline who were awesome. But post here again too and get it all out. It’s is 
it’s not fair and there are a monumental number of idiots out there. Massive hugs to you, lots of love 
