Emotional Rollercoaster

Hello Nora H

None of us set ourselves on a deliberate path to bring us here to our breast cancer diagnosis situation. You talk about your good supportive relationships now, which is great.  I am so glad that you have all these positive things and people in your life. However, you are regretting your past and blaming yourself. I think you need to be putting blame aside and behind you. Issues like being overweight are not the fault of individuals, but are manifestations of inequality and the obesogenic society and environments of our lifetimes. Everything we have experienced and lived through makes us the persons we are, and much of this exposure has not actually been the result of free choice, as we are constantly manipulated by advertisers on behalf of big business and the media and the social constructs to which we are exposed.

Be glad that the surgery is over with and try to enjoy the time you mention that you will have off work. What about going for walks every day instead of the crosswords and jigsaws. I always find being out and active lifts my mood. Also, there is always someone worse off than we are, so I count my blessings. I am glad to be getting through the treatments and glad to have our wonderful NHS which has provided all the world-ranked evidence-based care.

Enjoy your cuppas of tea, the cup that cheers. 

Take care of yourself and love yourself a bit more - your partner, son and work colleagues cannot all be wrong, you are outnumbered. So I think that they must be right and that you are a person worth loving.

Good night, sleep well.

Wallydug

Hi Nora H

Sirry to hear that you have been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. What you are feeling is perfectly normal Finding out you have cancer is a huge shock.  Easy to say I know but try not to be too hard on yourself. Having cancer is not your fault.

Wishing you the best of luck with your radiotherapy when you have it.

Best wishes

Daisy53

Nora H,

You're not alone. I always felt I was strong until breast cancer grabbed me by the ankles. See, there is only so much a human can take. I realized that I need to be kinder to myself and realize that I'm not to blame for anything at all. Breast Cancer has no respect to anyone. It is not your fault. I'm glad you have a good support system. 

Sending hugs xx

Thanks all for some wise words, I'll do my best to park the guilt, it is so negative.   I'm normally a sorter outer, a fixer so I guess it's hard doing nothing now and having to rely on other people to fix me is a bit of a change.   I will take on board the good advice and try to focus on the positives.  I haven't got a lot of information yet, the consultant said is it very treatable, not even sure if it was one or two lesions. I know it's 35 x 12 mm and the modes appear normal.  I think there were two lesions, the notes say one was posterior and the other anterior, though I haven't been told this it's from the notes to the GP.  My question is what questions should I be asking to find out more about my cancer?

I don't have a follow up appointment for around 5-6 weeks which does feel like an awful long time for the results.  They have said there are internal dissolvable stitches and external tape which will come off by itself.  I have assumed it's to do with keeping us away from hospital with Covid but I had thought there would be a wound check before the diagnosis.  It's all new to me, there's so much to learn and understand.  I will call my breast nurse but what else do I need to ask? 

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I've been through emotional ringer too (click my name to read my profile). I waited 3 weeks for results - all done via phone as well as my oncology call. The waiting game is not a nice game to play but we've all had to play it to one extent or another at one time. You've been through a lot and although surgery is done the emotional effects last ages. For me, it all happened so fast despite covid extra rules and although I'd had biopsies and surgery and been poked and prodded, my mind was very active and indeed some days it ran off! Yes I could have eaten better, done more exercise but I can't change anything, so perhaps draw a line and think going forward how to look after yourself better. I think its standard for lumpectomy to have internal dissolvable stitches and just steri strips on. they will come off as you shower but don't soak boob in shower or bath. I was told to wear bra day and night for 6-12 weeks whilst others were not - I'm an FF and only 5ft so maybe that's why but it does depend on hospital and NHS trust. you should've been given some exercises too. Maybe ask breast nurse if any do's or don'ts. Do make the most of time off and fill your days with things you enjoy. We are here if you need to ask anything. Keep going and take one day at a time x

Nora

 Do not feel guilty. I was diagnosed late April and my BC nurse told me “It’s nothing you’ve done or didn’t do”. Women do not need to feel guilty about having breast cancer, it can and does happen to anyone...young, old, super fit, the not so fit amongst us and everyone in between. I don’t smoke, rarely drink, eat healthy meals, no junk food (chocolate excepted) and could do with losing half a stone (yes I need to move more).

I wish I didn’t have cancer but I am relieved that procedures and treatments are carried out without delay and experience how the wonderful NHS staff take care of us BC ladies.