Struggling with relationship after chemo

Hi

I'm just popping on as I noticed that your post hadn't had any replies yet and I'm sure there must be other ladies in this group who have felt as you do. Replying to you will 'bump' your post back to the top of the discussion list where it'll be more easily seen.

I hope you had a lovely weekend and your worries were foundless.

x

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I actually had the loveliest weekend with my partner. I took my wig and in the evening got dressed up to out and, although I’m not feeling that great about my weight gain, it did feel really nice to dress up

And of course he didn’t mind if I wore the wig or not, just said whatever makes me feel comfortable. He really did just mean I looked pretty in the wig!!  Emotions, they can get in the way can’t they. 

Oh, I'm really pleased to hear you had a lovely time

You're right that it is lovely to have the chance to dress up. We went to a BBQ at our friends over the weekend and I decided to get a bit dressed up. I'm fed up with always being dressed down!

I think we can misunderstand what people mean when we're feeling a bit vulnerable about our appearance and it's great to hear that your partner just had your best interests at heart.

I can see "the wig thing" from the other side, my partner of 40 years has lost her crowning glory, she took it as hard as the initial cancer diagnosis - that's no joke she really is upset about it.  As a bloke I just don't understand it, she looks as beautiful as ever, the mischievous sparkle in her eyes is still there, the sarcastic humor, the love of life, she is still the focus of my world - me pointing out that most blokes of my age are bald doesn't seem to help.

Bought a really nice (expensive !) real hair wig in the hope that it would make her feel better, turns out that buying the wig (together) was me saying that I didn't like the way that she looked !!!

Yes thanks to the fluid buildup and steroids there has been weight gain - nothing like the 5 stone I have put on in the last 40 years, again me pointing this out doesn't seem to help.

What is it with partners, we never see what our partners see in us, the mirror must lie, because I know for certain that she loves me as I love her - but I got the better deal.

Aww that was really lovely of you to share. 

it is really hard navigating our way through cancer treatment.

I fully understand the loss for my partner too during this time, it’s not just me losing my hair for example, as he loved my hair. In fact I didn’t mind losing my hair so maybe the impact for him was greater than for me. Ps he is also bald!

I believe communicating is the way to get through this together. 
Seeing each other for the first time in 9 months made a huge difference as most of our communication is non verbal. We have missed each other so much and that brings with it even more emotions! 

Again, thank you so much for sharing the other side, gave me a different perspective.

I love this post.. just wanted to bump as this shows both points of view.

I'm so pleased it went well for you