How and where do you start to tell people you have cancer?

Sorry, that you have found yourself in this group

With regards to work I confided in a friend, who happened to be the boss!!! She then notified people by email that I was shielding and gradually when I felt able to via her and emails told them more.  This way I felt I had control over how much information my colleagues were getting... I spoke and messaged my work friends separately.

With my mum, I too was hesitant to tell her before I had the full facts of what lay ahead ... but I bit the bullet, so to speak and told her, it was emotional and I did admit to her that I was going to put off telling her, but she said that she was glad that I had told her.

My children are 19 and 22 so older than your little man!  They accepted it.  I work at a primary school with lots of different ages, although they are each an individual I sometimes think children cope better than we think they will.  I also really hope that the school will support you and your son through this time.

Sending you positive thoughts, be kind to yourself  xx

Hi Molly,

Sorry to hear you're having to go through this.

We told our children at dinner time (they're teens so it was a good way to keep them long enough to think about any questions they might have). They were okay but my daughter did attach herself to me for a few weeks afterwards. 

I went for creating a text that I just sent out to everyone close to me that needed to know, and after stewing and stewing I went for a Facebook update for those who aren't close. It was such a relief in not having to keep telling people. And it may sound selfish but it also meant that I didn't have to see their reactions.

I read a really good book by Emma Davies called You can't take my hair but not my humour that gave ideas re what she did after a breast cancer diagnosis. It's quite an emotional read though but I think it also helped me to have a reason to have a big cry. 

Thank you so much for replying it making me very anxious, will look at ordering the book.  Thank you

You're welcome. I have just realised I made a typo on the book title. It's meant to be "You can take my hair (but not my humour)".

Will be keeping you in my thoughts xx

Hi Mollyb75

My children are adults so daughter was told first that I had recall ..she came with me . Son was told over phone .

With Friends I chose to tell a person in each group i.e. Ex colleagues ,neighbours,holiday home site . The info that was passed on was I had been diagnosed and was having surgery ( within 8days ) Also I didn't want lots of cuddles or sympathy but just to be treated as normal . I then found it so much easier to talk about it when I was ready and conversations became very matter of fact . 

This worked for me as it cut out the what is wrong with you questions . 

After my op I put a casual can't wait to get out of hospital and back in own bed post . Then fielded any questions from those who did not know .

Good luck 

Hi, I had to miss a couple of meetings at work due to tests so a few people knew that as I explained where I was, so this made it easier to tell them.  I told my team and my peers via our What's App group.  That for me was much easier as I could tell everyone at once and I didn't have to talk and explain multiple times.  I was very open and told them that I had no problem with others knowing.  It actually  became more difficult at work when my hair fell out, so it became visible and I realised some people didn't know what to say. Check out my blog with my thoughts on that https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-blogs/b/one-life-live-it/posts/and-now-it-s-visible

i told close family on the phone, starting with “I have some bad news....”. And then I asked a cousin who I am close to, to tell others. I have a what's app group for my cousins to keep them up to date and that works for me as it's communication on my terms. I haven't actually posted it directly on FB, but I guess I will at some point.

One piece of advice - if you do tell people exactly when an appointment is, naturally they will ask how you are.  The day I got my full detailed results I really wasn't up to handling this and I wish I’d been more vague about the date so I could be more in control. Other than that, for me I find it better that people know.  Good luck 

Thank you appreciate support 

Going to speak to mom and sister today as got over the initial shock so think will not get as upset and talk about it a bit easier got meeting Tuesday regarding plan going forward and dates so think will start telling work and friends when have a plan, I like a plan

putting off daughter a little bit longer will try for next weekend as she will have a week off school so I can be around to support her 

Will be thinking of you today.

I agree re not telling people when your appointments are. Most of my appointments have been at least 2 hours later than the actual appointment time so I was grateful I'd told those close to me that my appointment wasn't until late in the afternoon / early evening.

Otherwise the bombardment of messages can be overwhelming when you're already anxious yourself.

I had grade 2 invasive lobular 2.5mm and had surgery in March, 6 weeks after diagnosis. I told my boss first which was good as I would need to arrange time for appointments and absence for surgery and recovery. We discussed the work absence policy and that I would let her know of appointments as and when I knew. I got a sick note from the hospital for the time away from work for the operation and recovery. Any further time I need for appointments and radiotherapy do not count as comes under the same 'exceptional circumstances' medical issue.  I just had to change my work appointments and work and let her know if there were any difficulties that she may need to resolve.  She was really good, I didn't want to tell anyone else at work so just said I was having a bit of surgery. I think I just needed some time to get my head round what was happening. I told a couple of friends once I had the cancer diagnosis. One just told me not to be a drama queen and didn't talk of it again, the other was very supportive. Three days before the operation I chose to tell one of my sisters who is a thinker not a flapper and that went well. Just as well really as I was putting her down as next of kin. She told another sister who was very upset. I think I was more worried about telling mum, who is in her late 80s, but after an 'I'm so sorry to hear that darling' launched into her own ailments so I could rest easy that she was going to be okay.  I think everyone is very different and I was surprised by some of the ways people reacted or responded. You never can tell. What's important is what how we feel and asking for what we need at this time, how others concerns don't overwhelm us and we have our own support, even if we are used to being self sufficient and supporting others.