Scared

Hi there, I am so sorry you are going through this right now but there are lots of things to feel hopeful about (even though it’s a terrible situation to find yourself in) . I was diagnosed last May with stage 3 breast cancer, it had spread to lymph nodes locally but thankfully nowhere else . I didn’t feel thankful at the time though and can totally relate to all of your feelings about your children . Mine are grown up too and my eldest daughter has not long had a baby and I felt so scared of not being there for them. I still do but the odds are stacked in our favour these days - so I try to remind myself of that . I had a reconstruction in my right breast after a full mastectomy (had it done at the same time )  which I think really helped me not seeing the change so much . Are you having chemotherapy, if not that’s a plus and I am currently having radiotherapy and so far am finding that fine . I had a McMillan mentor who called me weekly and this was an absolute lifeline for me - they match you to someone who they think you will relate to after a little assessment . I could talk to her about my fears and worries . Had a cry sometimes and she always managed to re-set me . It really made a huge difference to me, as I needed to let it all out (so to speak) and I didn’t always want to put that on my family. I wish you all the very best - we are stronger than we know xxx

I noticed your comment about pain, they gave me some morphine and it worked like a dream, after my mastectomy  ! As like you I was worried about pain - I also was waking through the night at first worrying . The nights were endless but that did get better and I am sleeping like a baby now . Take any pain relief you can that’s prescribed and the pain doesn’t really doesn’t last long anyway - it’s amazing how quickly we heal . With pain relief it’s uncomfortable rather than painful . One nurse said to me to make life as easy as you can and take whatever is out there and available . I imagine a lumpectomy might not be quite as extensive as a  mastectomy too xx

Hi, I’m so glad you have found us here in the club nobody wants to be in!!  I was the same as yourself 3 years ago I found an area on my right breast that didn’t feel right. I had a lumpectomy and 10 days of radiotherapy.  Don’t be afraid if your plans change along the way due to results from pathology tests.  I had to have a second lumpectomy due to margins not being clear.  I didn’t have much pain at all however I did have my sentinel node removed and it was annoying about ten days in.  Like an ongoing itch but a heart shaped (or pillow they use on flights) will help.  Regarding keeping a front for the family and friends,  I did the same and in the end i needed some counselling from action cancer who were fabulous. You don’t need to tell them you are frightened but you could say yes to some help if it’s given.  Breast cancer has come a long way so take a day at a time.  You are at the worst part of the journey so a few sleepless nights will pass.  

Regarding your quarterly review, can you contact your countersigning officer?  Having no time to prepare and given no chance to plead your case is not on.  He is just making sure his boxes are all ticked. You are now covered under the disability act.  If you don’t get any satisfaction from your countersigning officer go to HR.  I would have some examples on why you don’t agree ready incase you are asked for them.  I had quite a few issues with my workplace and discussed it with my counsellor at action cancer.  It was my workplace that made me the most angry so don’t let it eat you up.  It’s not worth it, your health is more important .  I wish you all the best and if there’s anything else you want to ask please ask xx 

Hello, and thank you for responding. 

I probably didn't make it clear whike offloading,  that i do feel incredibly grateful that I found this early  - and the consultants words were "We can cure you". 

Also grateful that I should only need a lumpectomy. 

The fear is seperate.  

With the pain relief, I can't have ibuprofen, or similar,  or aspirin - but I can have morphine!

I am scheduled for radiotherapy at a later date. 

Hello, thank you for replying. 

I have a heart shaped pillow already - my daughter recommended it. 

I need to phone in at some point after my op.

I'm toying with telling the manager who will hopefully be my replacement one. He's been my manager before,  and knows me, whereas the new one doesn't.  

I cannot access Workday from home to see exactly what has been written. I did tell my manager this at the time. I feel this puts me at a huge disadvantage, especially as there was no mention of my present situation being included,  and my grading could freeze my pay.

I am aware that Cancer is "protected", and will emphasise that.

I will make sure i put myself and family first though.

That’s such good news that it is curable - but of course you don’t need to feel grateful it’s horrid ! I hope you didn’t misunderstand me - when I talked about hope - it was just to say there is hope even though it’s hard to see it when we feel so scared. Your work sounds very unsympathetic- and you absolutely are protected with cancer . I have just qualified for a disability benefit and have applied for ESA, I have been paid for the last 6 months and am now moving on to half pay . Hopefully this will bridge the gap a little . I agree with the other comment about a heart shaped pillow. You will be back to your old self and back to normal be for you know it

It certainly is the club nobody wants to be in!

Hi RosieMJW 

I am having some issues with my work too. I work for a bank and I have been off for 9 months almost now. I will send you a private message and we can discuss. 

I have had a lumpectomy, chemo and now going through Radiotherapy - I am probably going to go back to work in May. 

Andrea

Hi Rosie

I just read your post.

I was treated very badly by my employer (leading high street bank - supposedly very cancer-supportive) just after my surgery and before I started chemo.

I made a conscious decision not to fight them and to reserve all my energy to looking after my health even though I think what they did was illegal. I didn’t think the stress of proving why they were completely out of order would be good for me

However it was bugging me so I wrote it all in an email and sent it to a load of people in HR and senior management

It didn’t change anything, but i did feel better that i had told them what had been done - it got it off my chest

I hope your surgery has gone well. I’m through most of my treatment now and am so pleased to be out the other side. My advice would be to share more with your children if you’re able, but you know your relationship with them - I don’t!

Do be kind to yourself. Drink lots of water and get out for a walk every day if you’re able.

Good luck - you’ll be through your treatment before you know it x

Thank you.

I'm feeling very cut off post surgery  - lack of sleep is affecting everything. 

I was told I'd have a certain procedure,  I didn't,  certain surgeon,  didn't. 

I don't have any recollection of the surgeon coming to me after surgery, other than in recovery, looking down on me and asking how I was - which felt ridiculous, and I didn't have sufficient words. 

I was told frequently I'd be seen in 2 weeks, but my appointment has come through for 4 - with a gaping void of uncertainty.

Can't wash for 5 days because I wasn't given any physical covering, whereas I was expecting to have "something". That's what I was told pre-op.