After treatments

You’re welcome to share feelings, ask for advice or just vent here. Talk to your BCN or a trusted friend but please don’t forget that your husband might be hurt if he thinks you don’t feel you can lean on him or that you’re keeping things from him. 

I wish you well  

Thank you. 
I’ve tried to talk to him and he is sympathetic but I’m finding myself getting upset because I don’t want the torrent to hit him. Scared to death that the operative scar and impacts of aromatase inhibitors are making him revolted by me. 
I’m revolted by me.

I have tried to make space and say I need to connect with him but it’s fallen on deaf ears or he is struggling too.

What to do? 

I had lumpectomy and radiotherapy. It took me months to get my head around it. My husband still doesn’t want to talk about it. He’s scared

And it’s ok to not be ok

Hello Annielv

i also had wide local excision and flap reconstruction and am about to have radiotherapy. 

I have had the opposite reaction- partner super positive and joyful about successful treatment. I think he hid his fear very well initially in the early stages so as not to freak me out.

Im so sorry you’re struggling - it’s so hard isn’t it?commonsense and statistics don’t really cut it I know. A lot of this journey is taken on trust- trust in professionals and our families. Do you have a supportive person you can talk to? 

We are making huge adjustments and I guess it takes time. I guess your partners fear is tied to his love of you. I had a lovely email from Megan at Macmilan and she recommended I read the booklet “talking about cancer”. From that I’m going to write my partner  a letter as I just get tongue tied and upset when I try to articulate what I’m feeling and what I need. Might that be a way for you to open a line of communication ? 

Don’t give up on him- we all handle things differently. It just might take him a long time. 
love

Scrumpton x

Hi there, I'm sorry you're struggling, but you have a lot going on, physically and emotionally.   I wondered if you'd considered giving the lovely folks here at the Macmillan chat line a call. They are great just to listen to you, give advice and maybe even recommend some counselling support, if you thought that might help.  You can call them 8am to 8pm every day on 0800 808 0000. Best wishes 

I am really happy to report that writing the letter to my partner has really helped. I was able to say what I needed without breaking down. His reaction has been reassuring and made me feel safe and seen.

He said he can see I’m going through lots not least recovery from two operations in last 4 months and I have taken a physical and emotional battering. he wants to be supportive- he said lovely things about me leaving me in no doubt how he’s feeling. He did say he was worried about me thinking I was revolting, ugly and horrible and that my brain was being particularly nasty but he understood that brains are wired to make us see the negatives and I might need help to sort out my thinking a bit.

I’m seeing dr on Tuesday about associated health issues and I’ll have a chat about what support might be available. 
thanks to Megan and everyone in the group for support- you’ve been brilliant.