I’ve recently been told I have breast cancer, 2 weeks ago. I’m so emotional and finding it hard to switch off, everything seems 1000 times bigger and worse and I can’t stop crying. Finding it hard to be normal right now.
Former Member
Sorry if this is way too long ... and it's mostly from my perspective of this which I hope reassures you.
Zoe, I'm really sorry you're struggling. Do you have a good support network around you (friends, family?).
I have been leaning really heavily on the people around me, to vent, for support, talk thru what I'm thinking & how I'm feeling. And joined this forum, like you have, to reach out to connect with others going through the same as us, who'll have a much deeper understanding of where we're at now, or who have been there done that and can give advice from their experiences.
I have cried a lot. I don't have any problems with that. I found out my family had been processing their emotions away from me. I definitely had a problem with that. We chatted, and I made it really clear that we all need to feel our feelings together! I need to see them upset same as they see me. Otherwise weirdly it made me feel a bit alone in the "everyone else is handling it so much better". Spoiler ... they weren't!
I gotta say, for me, since that chat, its been so much better. Sometimes I wobble and we all do. Sometimes I wobble and they are ok and just help me process. Sometimes they wobble and I can help them back, which is really important to me.
You've had this huge piece of scary information. And its always a shock. It's a lot to process. Give yourself grace.
If you need to cry, cry. It's a release! And then have a little treat. F**k it! You deserve something nice.
If you don't feel normal, maybeactively do something that's normal? - a specific thing that is what you would do before this news. I got really windy about being on my own. I took the dogs for a walk "by myself". Reality was i only went up the road, had my phone, and my dad watched me from the window! Was it pre-news Normal? No. But it felt really good, with the little 'safety precautions' we came up with.
I haven't had any counselling yet, but I'm going to set that up. In the meantime, I've actively been working on snipping negative thoughts or little spirals in the butt. I have a little mantra of what I want to happen at the end of this treatment, and when I catch myself on a negative thought pattern I either repeat my little mantra or (depending on the thoughts) I say "I cant do anyrhing about that right now" and I try to let that thought go. If its a future worry, future me can deal with it. Currently me has enough on her plate.
I'm trying to focus hard on what I need now, can do now, and i only consider future worries if there's anything I can do *now* to ease / improve my situation for it (like trying to improve my cholesterol!).
I really hope you have good people around you who can help you process what you're going thru.
I hope that when you get told your treatment plan, it helps to settle a lot of your feelings, as i assume at least some is from the current uncertainty. You get told "you have this" and then aside from some scans it can feel like forever til you get told "here's the plan".
I'm not far ahead of you really. 30th Sept diagnosis ... I had my 3rd dose of chemo today (drugs EC). I am constipated (hello prunes!), and my mouth is a little sore. I had a little cry in the treatment chair. Mum had a little cry with me. Then we watched a Christmas movie on Netflix.
Diagnosis to starting treatment is a time of uncertainty, for sure, and that has its own anxieties, but once you get the plan i found it falls into place and settles really quickly. I hope you have a great hospital team, and a great home team.
Thank you so much, that’s super helpful. I just feel like my world has been turned upside down and I’m not in control right now. I have lots of home support but feel people don’t know what to say and like you say are maybe hiding their own feelings to protect me x
Totally upside down, but you *are* in control. Not of everything, but...
You're facing this! You're going to have the treatment to fix it (some people don't!). You're scared but facing it anyway, which is the definition of brave!
You've proactive, from the fact that you're already on this forum, which tells me you're also a solution focused person, and are going to be able to turn your attentions from the shock to "sleeves up, ok what shall i do first"! You're smart, as you've reached out to get info from people in a similar situation, not Google!
Only you would know if addressing it directly with your crew would help, but i was able to be really blunt with my people ... told them there is no good thing to say!, stop trying! Just agree with me that this is dogsh*t and scary. Let's call it what it is! And don't try to protect me from being a member of this family just cos my boob is lumpy!
As you start to understand what treatment is being proposed - and quite how amazingly effective the modern treatments are - it all starts to feel a lot more manageable. I was diagnosed in October 24 - and my life is great again now. Focus on getting through your treatment and getting back to a world where cancer isn’t dominating your every waking hour.
Hi Zoe so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I remember how I felt in 2008 like it was yesterday, mine was in my lymph nodes.
I know there's alot to take in but take each day as it comes we're all here for you. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotions, you are going to be just fine you are stronger than you think ......17 years and I'm still here, sending hugs xxx
It’s a big thing to take in, no wonder you are feeling as you are. I remember the time between diagnosis and surgery last year as the hardest part, I never knew I could cry so much! But, once all the tests and meetings had happened, and I knew what was happening and when, I felt so much better. It’s difficult to imagine when you have so recently been diagnosed, but it is possible for the dark cloud to disappear and to return to normal life after breast cancer. For a huge number of people it’s a bump in the road, a scary one admittedly, but a bump nonetheless. x
hi Zoe. I’ve just joined the forum. I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It is such a shock to the system when this happens. Like all your replies you have had so far, you will get through this but it is a difficult ride. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma triple negative in May this year. I had lumpectomy in May, then sentinel lymph nodes removed in June ( they weee clear thank goodness) I was supposed to start chemo at the beginning of September, that got delayed by two weeks so started on the 15th. Six sessions 3weeks apart. It’s now December and I haven’t even had my 4th. Chemo is due tomorrow actually and I have just had a phone call to say that my neutrophiles are too low again, which is the problem I seem to be having. Each time it comes round to the next treatment it just gets delayed. So I am feeling really low again right now also. I’m not sure if you’ll have had your surgery yet but if you have, I hope it is all going well for you. Take care and keep strong x
Hi, I had surgery on Friday last week, currently back home resting. It’s definitely a journey of emotions for sure. Hope your doing ok, always here if you need to chat xx
