Relationship issues

Hi Verma  this sounds very difficult for you as it's an emotional time and often others who aren't experiencing this don¡t really understand. Are you able to create an environment where you can sit down and talk to your partner and tell him how you are feeling and how his comments make you feel.

Many people experience issues with intimacy after treatment, so here are a couple of links that might help you

Sex and cancer thread link

Sex and cancer blog link

Finally the lovely folks at Macmillan are at the end of the phone, to listen, chat or provide advice. You can reach them 8am-8pm on 0800 808 0000.

best wishes

The first time I had breast cancer I was married and my husband was as you describe, present and on the surface, as so far as others could see supportive, but actually quite cold and showing a lack of compassion and understanding in private. It was confusing and upsetting. There are some wonderful men out there, supporting their wives amazingly, but this site has seen many stories like ours and worse.

My honest advice, get some couples counselling, you have both been through a lot (in different ways) and you need to understand each others perspectives. Also, please go and see your gp about your menopausal issues and see if they can help you regain an intimate life. Some relationships cope well with a lack of intimacy but many don’t and many men particularly feel very dissatisfied with their relationship if there is no intimacy. I say intimacy because that does not necessarily mean intercourse if that’s too problematic. All the best to you xx

Hi,

Yes, it is very difficult for anyone to cope with a breast cancer diagnosis and the treatment. Whilst it took me a long time to accept everthing myself, my partner doesn't necessarily go on the same journey or understands the issues, or quite frankly doesn't even know what the issues might be. 

Perhaps there is some literature out there or groups to support partners. 

I have found that scans do get easier the more clear ones that you have. And as they say, time is a great healer. It's not always possible to speed up this process where your anxiety lessens, it just takes time.

As others have said - menopausal issues are worth asking your GP or Breast Care team about. I was prescribed an oestradiol pessary which is  great. And just having this sorted gets a lot of confidence back. Although I'm now having to come to terms with the fact that actually my partner is not 25 years old anymore, and his sex drive naturally diminishes anyway.

Re the indentations - have you asked your surgeon if lipofilling is an option? I've had this a couple of times. It's a general anaesthetic, but a short operation where they take fat from your thights or stomach and inject into the breast to even it out.

All the best.

I am so sorry for the way you are feeling at the moment. 
Cancer can be hard on everyone and in my experience my husband can sometimes come across as uncaring. I don’t think that is actually the case but sometimes it’s a defence mechanism and it can help them to make light of a situation. 
It hurts I know because unless you have had a cancer diagnosis you don’t realise how scary it is. 
I hope you can get the support you deserve but if you feel low don’t forget that everyone here understands how you feel. Big Hugs.