Hello All, I’m new here.

Hello. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. It’s good you have reached out to the online community as there are lots of us on this journey.  It might help to speak to one of the breast cancer nurses or cancer support specialists to support you?  I have rung through a few times now and there is always someone sympathetic to speak to. Not sure if there are any cancer support centres where you live too as some of them support family and friends too.   I know you want to support family but it’s really important for you to look after yourself during this time. Take care. 

Hi, firstly let me say that I'm sorry you're now a member of this club which none of us would choose to join. Whatever size, grade or stage we're diagnosed with, it's a massive shock to the system. It's also a shock to those around us, but, and it's a big BUT, it's you who's going through it and you have to kind to YOU! The BCN at a patient information meeting I went to pointed out that as women we are generally the care givers, the problem solvers, the ones putting our own needs on hold, to look after our families/friends/neighbours/Uncle Tom Cobley...and his dog. She went on to say that for now we are the priority. We have to try and put ourselves first for a change. It's hard, but what we're going through is hard and we need to concentrate our energy on looking after US!

Your daughters are probably struggling with your diagnosis and don't know what to do or say for the best - so they're doing nothing. Perhaps they need to be told what would be helpful - even if all you want is to be treated as normal. Hopefully, they'll soon get over their 'Ostrich syndrome' and be supportive in whatever way works best for you. But, in the meantime, there is always this forum, filled with people ready to listen and help you/all of us through the minefield we've been landed in.

Thank you for your kind words and advice MoodyBlue62, much appreciated. I feel that what you have said, in that I need to concentrate on myself, is absolutely correct.  I read a quote today by Maya Angelou, which said something along the lines of ‘if you don’t like a situation, change it, and if you can’t change it, change your attitude to it’.  So, going forward, I intend to try not to take it personally if my daughters don’t ask me how I’m doing, or if I’m okay, but I will continue to ask them, as I normally would, how they are, and how’s their week been, the usual sorts of things.   In other words, I shall try to change my attitude to their response (or lack of), to my present situation.  

Thank you so much for your response SKnighted, it’s much appreciated.  Macmillan (Jersey) have assigned me a support worker, who I met yesterday, and who I will see again next Thursday, and as often as I need after that.  She pointed out that sometimes, the people who you hope (or expect) will ‘step up’ in such situations either don't or can’t, and others, who you would never dream would support you, are there in an instant.  As you, and another kind person who responded said, I really need to focus on myself at this time, and that is what I intend to do from now on.

That’s great news you’ve been assigned a support worker, you will find this a great help and good to know the support is ongoing. It’s very true about what they say about family and friends stepping up but there are always people around to support you. Also try not to worry too much about the results coming back sometimes the profiling comes back better than expected. Look after yourself and take care