Feel like a fraud

 Hi Mamoftwo,

Please don't ever feel like you are a fraud, this site is for people to ask questions and share experiences, no matter what you have it's scary and awful. I am new to this site today, I have just been diagnosed with a Phyllodes Tumor, and I'm scheduled for surgery in May, I won't know if it's benign, borderline or malignant until after the surgery and it's tested. Like you said, there are a lot of people in far worse situations. My Tumor is very rare, so I joined as I wanted real info from real people as I have scared myself to death with what I have read online regarding this Tumor. Mine could well be benign, but as it stands today I have no idea either way. The mind runs away with thoughts and feelings and I get how you feel, I honestly feel exactly the same, numb! I can't sleep, I'm not eating properly and I can't concentrate on anything at work as my mind constantly wanders to worst case scenario's. However, this site has really helped me. I have been given kind words and helpful tips and info regarding a Facebook group that is specifically for my Tumor. Read through some of the posts and I hope it helps you as much as it has me. I wish you all the very best in your journey and hope all goes well. Take care x

Thanks so much, I appreciate it. I know the Internet can be a good thing but also negative. The amount of information can send you into overdrive and overwhelm. I always try not to look too much about things but it's easier said than done. I am trying to just to stay in the here and now and I am sure that you are doing the same. I too can't sleep, it's like my mind won't switch off at all. I want to cry to feel some sort of relief but I cant as it's a side effect of some medication I take. On a lighter side, I wish I had lost my appetite. I'm an eater when I'm upset. But thank you for your advice to navigate this website for info and support and for your kind words. You take care also and all the best xxx

Hi mamoftwo , definitely not a fraud! We each have our own experience of cancer, some have worse treatments than others, but none of us would choose to be here. Welcome though to the club we didn’t want to join, but I’ve found this site a great place for support and shared experiences.

Definitely don’t Google - so much on there is out of date or just wrong. Stick to reliable sites like this. Wishing you well and sending love plus a big virtual hug. HFxx

Yes! I know just what you mean! I feel a kind of imposter syndrome, although I have had 12 weeks of chemo , surgery and I’m waiting for radiotherapy I see people having much worse side effects than me, who don’t have the support I have and I think I’m not so bad. I know it’s illogical but I’m so glad to know it’s not just me!

Thank you so much for your reply. Everyone seems so supportive. And thanks for the virtual hug, I think I need it lol x

I know exactly what you mean. Not that I want to feel ill but in some ways I think id feel less of a 'fraud' it just doesnt feel real. I do count my blessings that it was found and I know I'll get sorted out i just need to trust the process. I wish you luck and thank you for your kind reply xx

Hi there, I think it's very normal to feel numb, especially when the news is unexpected, but rather than thinking of yourself as a fraud (which you definitely aren't) maybe it's easier to think of yourself as lucky it was caught early.

If it would help you, the lovely folks here at Macmillan are at the end of the phone for advice, or simply to listen, so you have someone there to chat things through with. You can call them on 0800 808 0000. Best wishes for your upcoming surgery.