My mum just got diagnosed

Hi Scareddaughter and welcome to the forum. You will be reeling  from this news and little wonder. There are many different types of Ductal Cancer and most are perfectly treatable and curable so thats the first thing to say to you. Your mum will need to meet with the consultant  and they will put together a plan for your mum based on what treatment they think is required to make sure she gets rid of this Cancer. It is always helpful to have someone go with her to these appointments as we do get wound up and not always able to take things in. It can also be helpful to have a list of questions to take with your mum to this appointment and to write these down so that you remember them and can then ask them.   

What do you say and do? You continue to be with your mum and treat her as you always have done.xx 

Thank you Gail I really appreciate you replying and absolutely I have already told her from now on I will go to all appointments so hopefully I can get clear on what the next steps are and what’s best for her going forward. Thank you so much for replying I will take any advice I can to support me mum and do the best I can to get her through it so thank you x

Hi, I was really grateful to have someone with me at appointments, to write down what the consultant said so that we could make sense of it afterwards.   During treatment, having support at home (cooking and cleaning) was also helpful, but mostly having someone who could help me be normal, distract me and not focus on the cancer was important.

Macmillan has some useful information, I’ve put the link here for you. Supporting someone with cancer link here

best wishes 

Hi scareddaughter, welcome to the group. I have seen both sides, both my mum and my dad had cancer and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago. Emotionally I found it harder with my pents than with myself. I would be yourself and I would support your mum by telling her that whatever the results you’re in it together and that you’ll fight it together. I wasn’t able to have any onwith me for my appointments due to Covid but I did have support from my mum and my husband  try to get out for some distractions whilst waiting for results as that’s the hardest part, the ‘what ifs’me and my mum used to say ‘let’s wait for the results and then we’ll tackle it together  my dad had 4 primaries and my mum has had two primaries so unfortunately I feel quite experienced  I do sometimes pop my phone on record, I delete it afterwards but it can be hard to take everything in  it will be hard for you as people will always ask how your mum is but not how you are, you will need support too be it from your mum, a partner or a good friend (or this group xx) wishing you both the best x

Thank you so much that’s really helpful x

Thank you so much I’m so sorry to hear everything you have been through hope your ok x thank you for the advice x

Hi,

I am sorry to hear your mum has had a diagnosis.  My mum was diagnosed 12 years ago and I can remember it being very scary and an unknown journey. In my experience of being the daughter I went along to appointments when I could, went along to support groups etc. But was also always the same so just be you..

I have just had my own diagnosis recently, had my surgery and have my appointment Wednesday for results to determine my treatment journey. I have had to tell my own children and they all had differet reactions but my youngest just gave me a hug and said 'I am sorry you have to go through this' they also have just been themselves which has been great.. stay positive

Hi Scared daughter24 

I wish you and mum all the best at this scary time x. This was my reply to a similar thread on the forum:

Really sorry your mum has been diagnosed but she's got you on her team which I know will be a great support. She's probably worrying abt you too and wanting to support you so share how you feel if she's happy for you to do so. I found it easier to know what my family were worried about rather than imagining. We were then able to talk it thru, cry together etc

Little things make a difference. Messages to let her know you are thinking of her, researching info - as others have said it's information overload so having someone else to check understanding with is helpful. Offer to help if needed/wanted. My daughter offered to do some ironing, it meant such a lot to me cos she NEVER irons as she hates it! Sometimes though I just needed to carry on as normally as poss so just be yourselves.