Betrayal

Hi unloved 2024,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

You are beautiful inside and out. We should not be judged on our looks and body. We are so much more. Beauty is not even skin deep if you look close enough everyone has imperfections.

If your husband has a wandering eye that is his issue not yours. There is no perfect person or body.

If he has been unsupportive throughout your treatments it may be deeper than how you look. If he's looked and chatted on site it maybe his escapism. Not that im condoning his behaviours. Only he will know why he did it. Importantly has he now stopped and seeking healthy supports.

You have been through so much and your a survivor. Your a fighter.  You sound like someone who has good values also.

I hope your counselling allows you both to get to a place where your strong marriage and time together can be repaired.

I wish you well xx

I am sure this can be devastating if you let it be. Please don't. What you have been through makes you so much more than all those pretty girls from those sleazy websites put together! I do mean what I say. Be proud of who and what you are! As cliche as it may sound, if your partner/husband is not able to see and appreciate that, he simply doesn't deserve to be with you. I don't know what your situation is finances and work wise, but if you can afford to give yourself some space and time away from your husband, I would do it if I were you. I know it's incredibly difficult to be in a situation like that, but don't let what happened floor you, you don't deserve this. Don't feel sorry for yourself, you don't deserve this either. Focus on what you love and try your hardest to move on, with or without your husband, whatever you feel is right for you! Big hug,

Lana xx

Firstly. It is NOT your fault. I probably shouldn't say this, but it's not your fault your husband is so weak and needy. You clearly still love him too, so probably don't like hearing bad things said about him. But he does not deserve you. 

I'm sorry it makes me so angry. A friend went through a similar thing. I had a mastectomy and am in the process of reconstruction. Which has effected my self esteem and love life with my husband. So it's always at the back of my head. 

Personally I think you should focus on yourself, building your self esteem up and definitely talking to a counsellor and trusted friends. 

I wish I could be more help, but open up more on here if you're not ready to talk in person. You are a very strong woman who has been through so much and have the battle scars to show your strength. You should feel very proud of who you are and what you look like. What he has done shows his weakness and it's not for you to take the blame in any way.

Thank you for your kind words, yes he has changed his number and email. Allows me to check his phone and obviously the councilling he agreed to. 
I guess I’m still in shock finding out and need answers which he isn’t forth coming with. 
time will tell. 
T x

Hi Lana,

thank you for your kind words, yes I’m having some time away next week on my own so hopefully my head will be in a better place. 
the councelling will help but it’s like reliving it hence why I feel angry  and sad. We have a teenage daughter so trying to not let it affect her. 
T x

Hiya

Thank You for your kind words. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. 
yes I love him and don’t want to give up 20 years of marriage especially for our daughter. 
yes I suffer with low self esteem and I’m very emotional. We are very different in that he lacks compassion and empathy. I’m just very forgiving so then to move on as I think life is too short but this is hurting so much. 
I hope everything goes well with your reconstruction. 
T x

Hello

I can resonate with what you're going threw. I had endocrine therapy which put my body into fast track menopause. I lost my sex drive and suffered with vaginally dryness. 

I found my ex partner was on dating sites aswell as watching porn. It made me feel ugly and was one of the reasons we are no longer together. 

Hiya,

oh gosh, I’m so sorry to hear this, hope you’re doing ok now. 
I feel like that, reflecting on things it’s hard to know what’s been genuine or part of ticking the box. 
im trying to work but my mind is racing thru what’s real or fake. 
it’s easy for people to hurt you over and over when you have a kind soul, you cling to the good times hoping there’s more. Tbh the only reason I keep going is for my daughter. 
no one close to me will ever know how I truly feel, we all hurt differently. 
T x

It is hard , especially when children are involved. Does your daughter know what has happened? It's OK to feel a range of emotions...and we are all individual human beings, all react differently. Remember you need to be kind to yourself, so that you can be there for your daughter. Maybe think, what if your daughter was in this position? What would you advise her? Massive hugs you are stronger than you probably realise!

She is aware something has happened but we haven’t said what, she guessed when he went into the spare room, and over heard some shouting. 
my heart and head doesn’t agree at the moment so the irrational me would say kick him out.  But then why should I be left with doing everything at home. 
what I did find strange last night was when the councillor asked him what should I do knowing how I feel, he said he wouldn’t blame me for doing the same thing. I interpreted that as he’s not planning on stopping, or maybe I’m being paranoid. 
i e got some pampering over next couple days then next week I’m going away for a week. It was planned before I knew what he had done. 
it’s had me going crazy looking at spyware for his phone etc.. don’t need to now as he’s giving me his phone to check. 
problem is I’m so sentimental, I look back on memories to remember things so now I’m remembering events where he was distant. I know I shouldn’t. Maybe I need memory loss. 
T x