Newbie and very sad

Dear Sunny Hunny,

I applaud you for having the courage to post and be honest about how you feel. 

Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself to connect to your emotions and how you actually feel rather than what you'd expect to feel. Going through a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment is one hell of a process and challenge both physically, emotionally and socially. 

You are doing so well to be battling this horrid disease and the fact you have the courage to be real and reach out when you are feeling sad and down is a testimony to your resilience. 

I was diagnosed with breast cancer in Nov 23 and have been surprised by how my emotions have changed over time especially in ways I didn't expect or anticipate. Definitely I feel I can relate to the emotional rollercoaster that is coming to terms with diagnosis and the grueling treatment needed. 

It's one hell of a lot, I found the impact of chemo and looking like a cancer patient and other peoples responses to my health was hard. Having to let go of my past self that felt a lot less physically vulnerable and begin to come to terms with the new me is hard. 

I hope by reaching out with the intention to acknowledge how this process is extremely hard and challenging may help you feel you are not alone. My philosophy is if I can get through this then surely all us amazing women are bullet proof for future life challenges! After being bald I'm never having a bad hair day again. Meaning through the challenge there is a new wisdom that will emerge and be rather kick ass! 

But until that day please offer yourself support, compassion and time to mourn the loss of past you. I'm working on not going back to some normal after treatment I'm looking forward to me mark 2! The person that's been through something life changing. 

I find journalling helps me get my feelings down when I'm struggling, spending time with supportive friends, being connected on here. And telling people no, taking time for me, and fielding polite enquiries regarding my health. So I only update people who are part of my support crew and leave well meaning people who zap my energy out. 

Wishing you lots of comfort and care. Keep posting on how you are doing. 

You are not on your own

I think its kinda like a grieving process, give yourself time. Mentally and physically its a lot yo deal with. I only got my diagnosis 3 weeks ago, going for flat mastectomy tomorrow,  trying to z and then thought of this to reach out and put my own post. Allow yourself to acknowledge and feel the pain and sadness, but also gratitude. This too shall pass

Hi Sunny Hunny,

I am so sorry to learn you are going this. I am 63 and had a lumpectomy nearly four months ago and lymph nodes removed, this week I was told I am clear and am just awaiting radiotherapy.

You have made the first big step by finding the Macmillan site, also do visit your nearest Macmillan centre, a list is on here, or ring them on 0808 808 0000, they are superbly helpful and give you lots of great info, do walks, talks and lots more. Please also get a good support structure in place, family, friends, good work colleagues, I’ve lived on my own for nigh on forty years, but realised you can’t do this on your own. I also go for a short walk every day (British weather permitting) and do a daily diary, this is mega helpful, as it gets everything off your chest and out of your system. It is important during the day to keep yourself occupied, hobbies, interests etc., it stops you from dwelling on what is going on. You may also find it beneficial to listen to a meditation podcast, they really help you to relax especially when you are trying to get to sleep. I use one called ‘Go Gently’ by Christine Elizabeth Smith, it does a lot for me. Whatever you do, do not visit Dr Google, as there is so much conflicting information your head spins and it stresses you out.

I know it’s hard sometimes, but try and keep as positive as you possibly can, have positive people around you and dump the negativity, above all, be kind to yourself and take one day at a time - I promise you, you will get through this. You are never alone and can always come and chat to us shower in here.

• Take care and big hugs.xxx

Dearest  Sunny Hunny 

I am sorry you find yourself here and having gone through all you have.

I think, it's only my thoughts but I think we go through a massive load of emotions and feelings at the start - the worse been when we hear 'that' word...... and I believe in that instance 'our life has changed for good' - the person we are/was has gone..... in a heartbeat gone.

We then go on a rollercoaster ride of so many emotions, appointments, scans, tests, operations, treatments, that our life as become one mass of fear and 'get this out of me'.

Once on the road to completing treatment I think we believe we will be jumping round ecstatic ...... but no, I think all the emotions we didn't have time to process before all start coming to our mind - we haven't go the appointments etc to worry and fear - we have time to start to think things through......

The main one is 'that person' we was had gone, she went the moment she heard that word - so now we have to in a way grieve for her - I think this is the sadness you feel - its part of saying goodbye to the person we was - as no matter what we won't be the same as we were - even with the perfect outcome we have had the shock of our life and the fear lives on daily with all the "what if's".

Time will help heal - but the TV or the radio will make sure those thoughts are never far from our minds - just as you have a clear head a tv advert will come on bringing it all back.

Then as the first anniversary approaches you might even start to think you will feel better then - after all you have gone though ....... and of course anniversary's are normal for happy occasions so we are bound to feel better then.......

wrong!! this now becomes the one anniversary that you will have various memories flood back to you or what happened a year ago (the next one isn't so bad) - but the first I do think we start to relive it all and try to work it out.

Thats just me look on it - your dark clouds will lift, they will, just not as fast as you'd like.

Maybe think of the dark cloud needing lots of sunshine to fade the dark away and brighten you up. 

You have gone through a lot - be easy on that person inside you - she needs a lot of loving xx

I hope this helps a little xx

Hi,

I had my diagnosis in June 2021. Surgery, chemo, radiotherapy and phesgo followed. I have just had my 3rd clear mammogram following treatment so a bit ahead of you. 

At first it was always in my thoughts and was all consuming but has got less so as time had passed. I do think I’ve got used to the mental and physical scars, they are just part of the package that is me now.

Life returns to being more normal over time and it goes more in the background. I’m back to doing all the things I love. I live in a small village and it’s shocking how many of us ladies have had this, it does seem to be everywhere.

The clouds do lift as you get further away from treatment.

x

Hi Sunny Hunny , lovely replies already from the fine folks here, welcome to the club that none of us wanted to join but a great place for support and shared experiences! Just wanted to highlight an article which I’ve found really useful over the years…. Hope I can post the link. Nope it won’t post, no idea why! Copy and pasting but with no success. If you Google ‘After treatment finishes by Peter Harvey’ it should appear (no other googling allowed, lots out there is out of date or just wrong!). Sending love and a big virtual hug, HFxx