Hello, I’m new.

Hi

I feel exactly the same, I find myself avoiding people or saying things to reassure them or just want to disappear. My best friend said because I look well on the outside no one has a clue what’s happening on the inside. I’ve always been pretty independent since loosing my partner 6 years ago and have always gone on and got things done myself so folks think you’re ok. 

My diagnosis has gone on for a while due to complications on planned lymph node surgery on the 11/05. Lumpectomy was on the 31/05. I was booked in again on the 06/07 for full lymph node removal after allergy testing at Leeds had been completed.

Operation was successful and provisional results are good but it’s taken its toll on family and friends eventually stop asking if you’re ok. I had a drain which I hated and was reliant on my daughter 24 to take me back and forth to hospital. My son is 21 unemployed at present and the bickering between them both is horrible, frankly I am sick to death of it. I accidentally pulled my drain out which has now resulted in an infection making me feel rubbish. Yet more trips to the hospital and we don’t live near. My car arrived back from the garage today and I have driven because it’s easier that face arguing. I am so tired of it all and thinking of travelling to radiotherapy alone as it would be easier. I feel distanced from work and everyone is moving on with their lives and I am still treading water. 

Hi Carol

This is my first ever post, you're post has really struck home to me.

Good to hear physically you are ok, I am due to have my lumpectomy on 2nd August. Mentally I understand, in the five weeks since I've found out I've felt like I'm putting on a front not wanting to upset my family.

I'm not sure what the answer is but I have found reassurance from reading people's stories on this forum.  I've also considered attending a group local to home.  I always tell my children to keep talking things through and not to bottle things up, but I'm finding it difficult to explain in words to family.

Just wanted to let you know someone's here and gets it.

Take care

Louise, thank you for responding to me. I understand where you are with your family. My daughter cut me off for 18 months due to a family issue. She’s now back in touch as one of my sisters told her I was unwell and I’m happy with that but it’s a bit strained. She will be 40 tomorrow and I just feel broken that I’m not part of her celebrations. I’m dreading the radiotherapy, it’s silly things like how I’ll get there, I don’t drive. I do feel quite isolated, my husband is not really coping and we’re avoiding talking. I’m very grateful to have the opportunity to talk to people like you who know how it feels. I wish you well with your treatment and hope your son and daughter stop the bickering and give you the support you need. Maybe we all need to stop saying we’re fine! 

Thank you for responding to me AuntFlo, I’m grateful to hear from folk that understand. My surgery went really well, I’ve healed nicely and have got full movement in my arm so try not to worry too much about your operation, just make sure you do the arm exercises! The treatment and support from the medical team is terrific, it helps. You are right about reading other people’s experiences and taking comfort from them, we’ll all get through this with a little help from our new forum friends. Wishing you all the best.

The operation on one hand can't come quick enough but then I am dreading at the same time. Thanks for the advice.

Saw your husband isn't coping too well, mine is the same.  Originally I wanted to keep diagnoses between the two of us for a couple of days to get my head around it.  I couldn't as he fell to pieces and we couldn't keep it from our children (aged 24 and 16)  Now we don't really mention it too much and as he seems to get more depressed than me.

I did get told I was lucky to have breast cancer from a friend quote from her 'that's the one to get'!  Maybe that's why I don't bother talking to people.  I can laugh at it now as I think I know where she's coming from.

Hope you and your daughter find a way to celebrate together.

Take care

I was worried about the surgery but did have a sense of relief that the bad bit had been removed. I was quite good after the operation, I hope you are too, just be kind to yourself, rest and take any support offered. I find myself reassuring my husband when I really want him to be propping me up but I’ve always been the strong one and I suppose he and everyone else thinks I can deal with all this with a smile. I’ve had the same sort of comments, you’re lucky it’s that one, you’re lucky it’s been found etc. I know it’s said with good intent but I would feel a lot luckier if I didn’t have it at all! I’ll raise a glass to my girl, I won’t get to see her but I concentrate on the joy her children, my beautiful grandkids, have brought me. Thank you for your messages, it means a lot. Stay positive and look after yourself. 

husband was supportive to begin with, and still is, but he is trying too hard and i feel he is pushing me to do, be , focus on something else, like there is no hope so he is trying to provide it. but its not helping 

it seems to be a common reaction from the husbands/partners. We hear in the media about famous people that don’t survive this but they don’t print all the success stories, so it spreads fear. It’s a horror of a disease but there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. Try to stay positive.