Wife 30 diagnosed 4 days ago

Hi Mr Power

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear about your wife being diagnosed with breast cancer. I suggest that you contact the Macmillan helpline on 0800 808 00 00. There will be someone at the end of the phone line to give you any advice that you need. 

It sounds like you are doing everything you can to be there for your wife.  Keep being here for her and encourage her to join this forum as well so that she can receive any additional support she might need. Whatever you do don’t google your wife’s type of breast cancer as the information on google is out of date, instead rely on sites like this one and Breast Can Now for your information. Things should start to get easier once your wife has her treatment plan

There is a friends and family forum that you can join as well to get support from people whose family members are having treatment for cancer.  There is also a carers only forum that you can join.

Wishing you and your wife the best of luck with what’s ahead of you both.

Best wishes

Daisy53

My wife was diagnosed in September 2022 and after two surgeries and Radio therapy she has been told she is cancer free at present. Although we are much older it still came as an awful shock but we have worked through it. It has seemed like a long journey but being retired with three children and nine grandchildren I have been able to be at my wife’s side at every appointment. This has helped her a lot and I understand your feeling that the Doctors can seem abrupt with the news but we do need to be confronted with the facts and just how it is. Happy for you to reach out if you need someone to talk to and help you navigate this life changing situation.  Paul

Hi, so sorry to hear of your wife's diagnosis, I can only imagine this will have rocked your world and these early days, when you are waiting for clarity ina treatment plan, truly are the most difficult.

As Daisy has suggested, so call the lovely people at Macmillan, they are there to help us. They were fab when I was going through my treatment.

On a practical note, I would suggest, to share the news with friends and family as soon as you feel up to it. And then take all the offers of help that you get. My experience was that people wanted to feel useful and helpful, and I hope that will help you both and your daughter, through this.

As for the feeling of not knowing what you're supposed to do, I think that's very normal. I struggled with not being in control, somI worked hard to focus on the things I could actually still control and tried hard not to worry about the other stuff. It's tough for sure, but you'll find a lot of support on here. Best wishes 

Hi Mr Power just wanted to add that the Breast Cancer now charity are great as well . The helpline staff are breast cancer nurses . I phoned them on numerous occasions. And they were happy to speak to my daughter as well . Wishing you and your family all the best . With love Belinda 

Hello sorry you find yourself here but glad you've reached out.

To answer your questions:

• how am I supposed to juggle work and looking after my family?  You need to speak to your employer to explain the situation.  Hopefully they will be accommodating but if not speak to your GP as they can sign you off sick.  You should get full pay for up to 6 months.
• is my daughters life going to be affected? How do prevent that?  Simple answer is yes and you can't.  She will pick up there's something up so just tel her Mummy has poorly breast, needs surgery etc. and she may need looking after but she will get better.
• why are doctors so abrupt with news?  Every doctor/nurse different.  Some blunt, just talk facts others kinder.  Hopefully your wife will get a helpful breast care nurse allocated.  Mine told me she was my advocate for next 5 years.  I'm 8 years on now but I was told I can still ring her if I have any issue.
• is there anyone I can contact so I can keep positive for my wife? She has said I’ve been her rock so far but I feel like I’m living a nightmare. Macmillan helpline and see if you have a Maggie's centre locally.
• sh had her CT scan yesterday and has a MRI tomorrow so nhs is moving fast, yes it does thankfully.  
• i just don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing or saying or buying to make life easier or what I’m supposed to be doing.         Breathe !  Let her lead on talking, but don't let  it be the elephant in the room. You are both in shock and we all react differently.   Initially you can manage the friends/family texts & calls.  They mean well but exhausting so you may need to ask some to back off if your wife is stressed by them. They try to be kind but can trivialise what you going through by saying you'll be fine etc.  say something like thank you for your kind thoughts but currently X is overwhelmed with her diagnosis and putting a brave face on is wearing her out. She knows the treatment is excellent but it will be challenging and there will be times she needs to have her fears heard.  If she reaches out to talk, please let her lead and be heard.  Thank you.  You can also tell your family/friends the same for you.
• I’ve not been eating and I have no appetite.     You are in shock.  Your appetite will return.
• We’ve been talking every night about it all and up to now we’ve been positive.  Breast cancer is very treatable.   Once you have treatment plan you will feel better as you regain control.

You don't know yet if surgery, chemo radiotherapy so nothing to buy yet.  What you can do is involve your daughter in freezer/batch cooking as these will be helpful.  If friends /family offer help ask them if appropriate to be appointments lifts .  Radiotherapy is usually daily but it's a short 20 minute appointment.  I had 3 weeks and I appreciated the lifts as I didn't have to park !  

You will get through this 

Hi I can see lots of us have replied to your questions and I agree with them. Being a retired teacher I understand your worries about work, please go and see the Head, are you a secondary or primary teacher? It's a busy time if you're secondary with course work deadlines and marking. See if your head of department can lighten your load. Do organise all the letters, appointments etc. Text family to say you will keep in touch so they don't disturb your wife. I didn't want to talk to people and they understood. My husband took care of phone calls. Just have one or two people who can help out with shopping, cleaning, cooking, checking in when you're at school. Looking after your daughter. It's really exhausting after appointments so have comfy blankets in the lounge. Prep sandwiches in advance, light soup lunches so your wife can lay down while you get lunch. I hope this helps. My sister used to pop in a few times a week to help me with washing my hair etc. Take care x

Hi there, no luckily enough I’m a motor vehicle apprentice technical teacher.

thank you so much for your reply 

Dear Everyone,

I wanted to thank you all for your response regarding my wife’s breast cancer. The next steps are to discuss staging and a plan of action. My wife is understandably frightened, especially since it seems that the lymph nodes in her armpit are at Grade 3 and what we can work out that means they are travelling fast.

I am very grateful for everyone’s responses and support it’s been amazing!

Sincerely,