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I totally understand what you are saying. I'm not sure if I can be of help as I made the decision to keep the information to very close family (my husband and two sons) until after my surgery. Then I told only one family member and asked him to relay the news to others. He has also relayed any progress and changes. It's not that I don't want to discuss what has happened, but more that I don't want any fuss. There must be advice somewhere online about this and I know that there is advice on Youtube videos. Take care Xxx

Hi MEandBC

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with breast cancer.  What I found helpful in updating people about how I was getting on was to set up a WhatsApp group of my family and closest friends.  

You certainly do not sound ungrateful, you need to do what's best for yourself as you battle breast cancer. If people are struggling with the fact that you are being positive that their problem, they should be taking their lead from you at this time.  When I was having treatment for breast cancer in 2020/21 my family and friends took their lead from me.  Like you I felt positive most of the time.  I have now been cancer free for nearly two years.

Wishing you the best of luck with your treatment.

Best wishes

Daisy53

I agree with what the others have said. I told a select number of people to start with. Some wanted to be useful, it's their shock they are dealing with. When I told more I got so many offers of meeting for coffee or having a walk, non if which I wanted. I wanted to be left alone really to work it out and process it. 

That was 4 mths ago. The fear has subsided and I've got used to it now, as have they. I am quite stoical and just wanted to get on with it. Hope you get what you need in a timely fashion. My team have all been so kind and supportive. Xx

Hi I understand I told close family members and then asked my sister to keep everyone informed. I was not up to speaking to anyone and if a text message came I sent a heart back. You could say I'm not ready to talk yet but will soon. I hope this helps it's a lot to process and it's your cancer not theirs. Be strong say talk in a few weeks. You look after you and not worry about anything else. Listening to healing music is relaxing with a few candles. Take care xx

This is a tough time.  I took the decision to go sick from work until treatment finished after i was diagnosed.  I gave my boss permission to tell the whole office (about 45 people) why I was off work.  I wanted to shut down the gossip & speculation.  I hate talking about myself and I hate the constant "how's things" so I would just be slow to answer but I know either my daughter or niece told my sister to stop asking me questions as I didn't want to be reminded daily.

if I was you I'd do a general message to friends saying "sorry if I've been quiet lately but I'm struggling with my diagnosis and find talking about it difficult.   I really do appreciate you checking in on me, it's good to know I have such caring family & friends, and I will keep you all up to date (or nominate friend/family member) on how my treatment is progressing.  When we meet I don't want my diagnosis to be the elephant in the room but as I said mentally I'm still processing the shock of the whole situation.  Thank you again for your love and care at this difficult time".  

I know what you mean about the concern of friends.  I ended up picking a few I felt better about sharing with. Lots of well meaning friends, but a few more in the soul mates category. 

Particularly helpful was one who had already been through breast cancer and treatment and come out the other side

Hi there, I can see where you're coming from. I am self employed and I had to tell my customers that I was diagnosed with lobular cancer and awaiting treatment for it. I put it on my (private) facebook page. So many people reacted and everyone wishes you the best. i also had a couple of customers pulling out because they didn't want to bother me whilst I was coming to terms with cancer. I felt fine up till last week when I had surgery! Therefore, I am now updating weekly how I am, and if I see them in person or they send me a text, I can refer to that. But also be honest and say you're fine (if you are) or not (if you;re struggling). I've had some customers who also had gone through the process and they understand better. Good luck. 

I can also agree that setting up a group chat with your closest friends has really worked well for me. I am able to give everyone that “needs” an update in one go. I think it’s really important to remember that nobody needs the full details. I noticed that the messages calmed after a few weeks but I do still get the odd “are you okay” and it can get very tedious replying. I am too a very positive and in the most dark humoured way find joking about it a good way to cope, the string arm emoji was something that still winds me up now!! I found it that annoying that my best friend suggested we have an emoji, so she will send me the emoji and I reply back with the same one, and then it’s end of conversation. However that is only one message less but it did help! I also live in a small village and go to university so gossip about my diagnosis spread fast - I got a lot of messages from people I hadn’t spoke to for years, I felt very loved but very overwhelmed so I just replied the same thing to most of them as they only cared. I completely understand how you are feeling and you’re definitely not being ungrateful!!

Just to come in on this, I have struggled with discussing and updating people. Only told a handful of people inc family.

I now slightly regret telling some as they are now obviously worried about me and I have to go through the whole update from start to finish with them!

 People are genuinely kind but I feel very upset at their reactions as I’m already a ‘glass half empty /totally empty’ person! But having said that I’m feeling fairly positive and trying to process.

This is exactly why I told my family only. My daughter was with me when I received my cancer diagnosis. It was brutal. I didn't cry, but my blood literally ran cold... I too don't want people to feel sorry for me because I don't feel sorry for myself. What other people think doesn't really matter when you are going through something like that. Perhaps it's a good idea to be as honest as you can with your friends and let them know exactly how you feel about the whole thing. It's you who matters right now! Big hug, xx