Newbie

So today I got my mri results , after calling me to say I had missed my appointment ( I didn’t realise I had one .. letter obviously got lost or hadn’t come ) anyway they said to come in anyway and they have told me they now have found another suspicious lump on the mri so 3 in total ! The one they said that was cancer, the second one they said the result showed no cancer and now this 3rd one . The second one they said wasn’t they say they believe still could be as looks very much like cancer so now I have to have a another biopsy on that one and a biopsy on the 3rd one. , as if the 3rd is cancer then would likely need a mastectomy instead of lumpectomy ! I’m so frustrated that now I have more biopsies and more waiting , biopsy is booked for Thursday x 

So sorry they've seen a 3rd lump and now you need more biopsies, which comes with more waiting. This is why they do so many tests to make sure they are giving you the best surgery options and treatments based on what they find. It really is horrible living in limbo and it feels like life is on hold.

Are you working at the moment? I haven't been at work since my surgery and have been signed off till January, to help with all the waiting I try planning something for most days even if just coffee and a walk with a friend. I've also found a local cancer centre which offers free reflexology and aromatherapy which I plan on booking some appointments with. Maybe this is something you could try to help the days pass more quickly? I find the days where I'm alone my brain goes into overdrive and I feel miserable which isn't great for me or my family so avoiding this now. 

Sending you big hugs and will be thinking about you on Thursday xx

Hi Thankyou x no I’ve been signed off work since diagnosis my sick note is untill December at present ! I just don’t think I have enough space in my head for work , maybe being at work and keeping busy would be better ! I’m a bit rubbish at meeting new people etc so don’t feel quite confident enough to find some groups not sure if you’re allowed to bring a friend ?! I just don’t know if this changes anything? Will it mean my cancer is worse ? Or it just means a different operation? Everything worries me … if it has spread to lymph nodes to living forever wondering if it’s going to come back in some form or another it just feels like some kind of black cloud above my head that will always be there xx 

Hi Notme, I am sorry you are going through more uncertainty, waiting and further tests. If it is any consolation, I am going through the same. After MRI, they also found a 3d lump in my case too, which they would like to check via MRI biopsy. So far they told me it is suspicious of further DCIS. But also that since it is now visible on ultrasound (and given it appeared only after biopsy) they believe it could be a necrosis cyst caused by it. They are being thorough to avoid taking any chances. In my case too, if confirmed DCIS, it would mean a mastectomy rather than lumpectomy. I am still waiting for genetic test results, so mastectomy has been hanging over my head for a while.
I am seriously considering counselling these days as my thoughts are getting too dark. I continue to work as I find keeping busy and “normal” is helping me, but evenings and weekends are hard. I focus on every tingle and ache in my body, and I convince myself of the worst! I believe counselling may help us a bit and there are so many options and resources available out there. Sending you a big hug and remember, you are not alone. You can always talk to us and count on us. 

xx

I really don't think working/not working makes a difference, these thoughts are still going to be popping into our heads constantly, you just have to do what is best in your own situation. I definitely think counselling is a great idea for all of us, my local one which is  a Helen rollason centre and they are more than happy for you to take a Friend or family member with you and also provide counselling for them too. 

I know its hard not to worry, but all the worry and overthinking isn't going to change the outcomes of results or waiting times. Try to do something nice and make yourself feel more normal to get through these tough times. 

Been looking at some bits to do over half term to look forward to although not as easy now as darling teenager doesn't embrace the fun outings as much anymore Just about getting away with a pumpkin picking evening at a local farm.

Its going to be a hard journey but need to dig out of these dark thoughts xx

Thankyou Franny38 I should try out one of these places for something to take my mind off of it all but you are right the worrying changes nothing xx

NeedingHope I didn’t realise you were also in a similar situation with the 3rd lump it’s just so rubbish when you want things to get moving isn’t it  when are you having you’re biopsy x

Notme I am not sure yet, waiting for the dr to let me know. But I do hope as soon as possible, as I’d like to think surgery will still be either last week of October or first week of November. Wishful thinking! I did not expect an additional biopsy tbh. But as I have changed hospital following second opinion, I think they want to be absolutely certain a BCS would be feasible. We need to trust our doctors/teams. But I cannot wait to get this thing out. When is your next biopsy? Would it be an MRI guided one? 
I am visiting my family this weekend and I met plenty of childhood friends. Thought that would make me feel better/keep me distracted, but I do go around feeling like a ghost. I put on a brave happy face, but I feel numb inside. I cried so much when alone with family. I know I should be grateful this was spotted early through routine mammogram, but blimey it is hard. I feel like I will forever have a sword of Damocles over my head, since we had this so young. And that makes me very sad and it is challenging, I have always been a very happy grateful soul. Now not so much!!! I think it is too early for the two of us to feel differently,  but hopefully when treatment plan would be clear we can find our positive fighting mode!!! Xx

I have mine on Thursday with ultra sound !hopefully you have you’res soon too ! It is such a strange feeling I put on a brave face to everyone but it’s all I think of inside ! People ask if I’m ok but I find it easier to say yes than to spout out all of my feelings and I feel other people find it easier also not so awkward! So many people say things that are stupid or insensitive without meaning too and I prob would have done similar before going through this x it is a very lonely feeling but good to have you who are going through the same or similar to talk to x 

NotmeJust wanted to wish you luck for your biopsy today  keeping my fingers crossed for good results for you.

NeedingHopeAny news on your genetic test results? Sooner you get this the sooner you can move onto the next step.

I'm still waiting for oncology appointment, spending my days just waiting and probably watching too much netflix.

Franny x

Thankyou x it’s been moved to first thing today at the other hospital so not so much waiting I suppose ! Dreading it however as was awful last time x