Will I be able to make things better?

Hi Martyp, I feel for you and the fact you’re here shows you want to help. The anniversary of her mothers death will of course make things more difficult for her. You mention couples counselling albeit it was a long time ago and doesn’t sound like it was with the right counsellor for you, but has your wife seen someone about her low self esteem and distress over her body image? My husband and I split after 32 years before my diagnosis so I am alone currently. I have had a ‘successful’ diep reconstruction and I was talking today with my counsellor about how terrified I am of showing my body and how my self esteem in terms of how I look is very low, I’m only 50 but im terrified of having my next sexual encounter, so I can only imagine how awful she feels if things weren’t successful. So yes that’s my first question, has she personally had done professional help? X

Hello Anna. Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear about your own problems, and what, exactly is a diep? Can I ask where you found your counsellor? I'm feeling that talking to someone might be helpful to me personally , tell me how to get over my hangup and re-kindle our relationship. Meanwhile , back to the dieting and gym, for both of us!

There is a official body of counselling and they have a directory so I selected one that appealed on there, I pay £50 a session. Macmillan offer counselling too and your wife would still be able to access the support they can offer, I’ve called them before and they’ve been amazing, so I’d recommend that. Diep is where they reconstruct your breast using your stomach fat. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to reconnect x

Macmillan Cancer Support offer counselling. Your wife's BCN can refer you both. Cancer is so difficult for both partner's psychologically and the effects of surgery and treatment on the body are not pleasant and take some adjusting to. If Macmillan can not help you can also apply to go on the waiting list with Penny Brohn, another cancer charity. A specialist cancer counselling service like these ones might be most useful to you.