Newly diagnosed and feeling lost

hi I got diagnosed with lobular invasive breast cancer in September. I had my surgery at the end of September and have just started seeing the oncology department. 
It was my 2nd mammogram and I had no symptoms or signs. 
For the first couple of weeks I was in a deep dark hole. I can’t explain why but I suddenly had a brain wave along the lines of I can’t change what has happened but I can influence the future. My surgery went well (lumpectomy) and although I got a build up of fluid (seroma) things are now healing well. It had spread into my lymph nodes some were removed at the same time as the lump. 
Take any help that is offered and don’t beat yourself up too much - believe me trying to do decorating is not advisable.   

Hope all goes well 

Rachel

Thank you for your words Rachel. I’m listening hard to all advice offered. 

Hi jeeie1

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s perfectly understandable that you are feeling negative but there is light at the end of the tunnel.  We all have those feelings from time to time.  It’s great that you felt able to go into a maggies centre to get support from them.

I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer last year and after having chemo, surgery And radiotherapy I am now cancer free.

Wishing you the best of luck with your lumpectomy and radiotherapy.

Best wishes

Daisy53

Thank you so much for responding. I’m wishing everyone well with their own treatments. I’m hoping my inner warrior will kick in soon. 

Hi Jeenie1 I was diagnosed in June after my second mammogram in May with ductal cancer which turned out to be lobular after my lumpectomy in July, no symptoms or signs at all, I dropped into a deep dark place after my diagnosis changed and was told I had to have auxiliary clearance which I had in September, now looking at chemotherapy in December just in time for Christmas. Your mind is still in shock at the moment trying to come to terms with everything but that doesn’t mean you’ll stay that way, I’m a bit like Angua1 in that my brain has told me that there is nothing I can do about my diagnosis and there’s nothing that I could have done in the past, I can only influence my future. Treatment is getting better every day and there are lots of ladies on here that prove you can survive this.

Don’t worry to much about the surgery it’s not to bad and I was ok in 2 weeks, out and about again and getting on with life, just make sure you do the exercises they give you, I actually started doing them before my surgery so I’d be more used to doing them.

Sending you big hugs 

Diane x

From time to time I got very overwhelmed in the early days. Keeping busy, inviting people over, going for walks with friends etc helped a lot, but not in the middle of the night!  Sometimes I felt fine, other times I would start thinking about all possible futures and spiral downward. I knew there were people out there who would want to support me but didn't know what to say.  Even though people said they were there for me, I know I am not very good at asking for help and I didn't want to interrupt people's lives to cry down the phone. However I decided not to keep anything about my diagnosis a secret and told loads of people.  Some, I discovered, had been through this themselves and were a great source of helpful information. And I encouraged those who offered to 'help' ("let me know if there is anything I can do?") to check in on me from time to time, by WhatsApp or other means. I explained that most of the time I was ok but they might hit on a time when I was feeling particularly low and would want to either the know that there were people out there thinking of me, or that I was not interrupting them if I wanted to have a chat. 

I also had a 'Mantra' that helped to keep me going during the very dark periods when I was first diagnosed and was waiting for things to happen.  I typed it in my phone and would look at it and try and remind myself to hang on in there "You don't need to predict how everything will play out, just master the next step and continue moving in the right direction".

Keeping busy, inviting people over, going for walks with friends etc helped a lot, but not in the middle of the night! 

The 'waiting game' is a really tough time, it does get easier when you know more - particularly once they've removed the lump and give you further clarification about your treatment pathway.

Thank you for the advice and the hug! Wishing you all the very best too. I would have the surgery tomorrow if I could - it seems the hardest bit is the waiting x 

Waiting is the worst bit. If at the diagnosis appointment the could have done surgery there and then I’d have agreed. 
You can always vent here. 

R

Thank you Katherine! I have adult children who currently don’t know - one is at uni in middle of exams at the moment and I’m waiting until they are complete in a week or so to have the discussion I know I have to have. I have limited the news to just my partner and closest of friends just for the moment. I let my boss know this morning via her voicemail - I got no return call. I’m a nurse in the NHS and although the lack of compassion doesn’t surprise it’s still devastating. You feel so isolated and alone and it’s very scary. Feel shattered and headachy but hearing everyone’s thoughts and their guidance is incredibly reassuring. Much love to everyone for their kindness. 

Hi Jeenie1,

I was also diagnosed just 3 weeks ago and have invasive Lobular Breast Cancer. I've been very stoic so far but the waiting for for MRI results and a date for my masectomy is driving me nuts. I have almost convinced myself that its spread which doesn't help. I know it doesn't help but you are not alone and I also hope that I can stay brave :(