Helping a friend undergoing mastectomy

I have had a lumpectomy and was also told that I would have trouble with raising my arms up above my head. 

I was given exercises to do after the op. which I did do for a while but found I was using my arm as normal and reaching up anode my head.

I was also advised to get tops that buttoned up the front. You've not said, unless I've missed it, if she is having reconstruction or not. I was advised to wear vest tops to sleep in for comfort at night.

With regards washing my hair I was lucky enough to have my husband wash and dry it for me until the dressing was removed and then I was able to shower myself. 

I don't know if any of this is any help but there are plenty of us out here to help support you and your friend through this. 

Hi there, what a good friend you are!

I was advised to get a couple of sports like bras which zipped up at the front (I had to wear them 24/7 to support my breasts as the operated-upon one healed) and I wore tops which had buttons / zips at the front.

She will probably be given exercises to do before leaving hospital which should help her arm movement which I guess will depend on the kind of surgery she has - I was given this https://patientinfolibrary.royalmarsden.nhs.uk/document/download/1413

I was encouraged to wait a week before lifting my arms above my head. 

As for hair washing, I did it in the shower (trying to keep my operated-on breast as dry as I could). I used my good arm to put in the shampoo.

If she wants you to support her with her appointment and you aren't allowed in (because of Covid restrictions), you could ask her to put her phone on loudspeaker while she is in her consultation (with the doctor's permission). That way you can ask questions (you may already have thought about these beforehand with her) and take notes to help her remember what they said.  I found this very helpful as I was probably in too much of a state to be able to think clearly and process everything in one go.

Hope this is helpful.  All the best.

I would echo what the others have said. I did have trouble with right arm, and although I did do all the exercises, I had a frustrating lack of strength in right arm only. Your friend will probably be OK as I had to have implant re-done, so that's maybe why I had a problem. Suggest it is way easier to get straight into button up top straight after the op. I didn't as didn't feel that great, (zonked out and sleepy) and wish I had, though I did manage to get into the compression bra straightaway. You could wash your friend's hair for her perhaps ? I could wash mine myself, but because of weak arm I moved hair drying equipment to a lower level area than usual that my arm could manage and sat down and did it. Your friend will need to take things easy and possibly find new and different ways of manouvering. She is very lucky to have you looking after her so well and thinking of this type of thing, because, as you say, these things do matter in terms of confidence.

Hi there, what great questions. I found that I was able to manage pulling on baggy t shirts and night shirts without having to do much arm lifting by putting the, onto my “operated side” first, I had 2 post surgery bras (good old M&S) and wore these day and night as they were very comfy and front fastening.  Even now I am wearing t-shirt bra tops at night as the breast is quite tender after radiotherapy and these help with a little support.

Hair washing could be a challenge indeed as you're not meant to get the dressing wet.  Maybe some dry shampoo would help for a few days, or the old fashioned learning over the bath for a hair wash?

Hope this helps and good luck to you both 

Thank you. The phone idea is excellent. What lovely people there are here!

Thank you. Reconstruction currently not on the cards. I think we may have to get through the hair washing embarrassment together. Your support is appreciated x

I will need to woman up and get over the hair washing thing. I just don’t want to embarrass her but maybe it’s me that’s more embarrassed? Thank you for telling me of your experiences. I feel a lot more confident after seeing the responses here tonight. 

Good information, thank you. 

I found the arm movement more embarrassing really though. I wanted so much to be able to move normally and I was very frustrated indeed that I couldn't. Thought I never would be able to. We go from being so fit and lively to suddenly quite poorly overnight. 

Oh V ...((hugs))

I think in life we feel embarrassed, but others soon forget these things! Understandably the frus sets in because you're so capable and take good care of yourself. Remember be kind to yourself. It will come good eventually, have faith

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