New words, new life

Hi ,I'm probably not much help but I have been diagnosed with breast cancer only 3 weeks ago and eveything has moved so fast since then.

I was expecting results to just be something not very sinister as I only went to GP for antibiotics to treat an abcess so everything else has been a massive shock.

Mine is 2.7cm,  grade 2 and it has spread to lymph nodes.

Was expecting op as thats what consultant said at 1st visit but now its chemo first,then operation, more chemo and possibly radiotherapy.

Goal posts have been moved so many times already including bringing all my scan dates and appointments forward and telling me it would be a 9 month journey to be changed to a 12 month journey which had messed with my head numerous times.

Have had bloods done and two not very nice scans and I see my oncologist for the 1st time next week to discuss things further.

People tell me the scans are a normal part of treatment as it gives the oncologist all of the information needed to treat my cancer but as my appointments were bought forward I am afraid my head began working overtime and started thinking that there was something more serious going on but I had not been told.

I have also been up and down since finding out. 

I can cry at nothing ,which isn't me.

I have thought of every possible scenario,even the scary ones.

Even planned funeral in my head.

I know I shouldnt and my consultant did say it was treatable but it hasnt helped I am an emotional wreck and struggling.

I told my family but they dont want to talk about it, not sure if they have even processed any of it ,so for the moment I am just plodding on and speaking with my BCN,my mum and people on here.

There are so many positive stories on here with people coming out the other side.

I'm just not in a place to believe that could be me too, maybe that comes in time and when treatment has started I'm not sure. 

One thiing I do know is there are plenty of people on here who are willing to offer support, words of wisdom and share their own experiences which sometimes in your darkest hour and when you are at your lowest really helps.

At the moment I dont have any positive pants just negative Nellie whispering in my ear. 

I'm hoping with time I too can be positive maybe this will be after I have spoken to my oncologist and hopefully he tells me it hasn't  spread to anywhere else.

Who knows, like I said at the beginning not sure I can offer any help as I am still at the same stage as you but maybe it will help knowing that here is soemone else who is having the same feelings as you.

Dont think any of us want to be part of this journey or war and rightly so but as we are at the beginning of this we dont really have much choice as daunting as its going to be but reading other peoples stories helps a little .

Hello and sorry you’ve been recently diagnosed as I have too.  This is the club no one wants to join.  Like you I’m still learning but what I have learned is bc is very treatable these days and it may be that they will use chemotherapy to shrink your tumours first which they did for a friend of mine about 5 years ago before doing a lumpectomy and then radiotherapy.  Her tumour had shrunk completely before the lumpectomy and whilst chemo wasn’t pleasant it was doable for her and she was back doing her very physical job about 5 days after each session.  There are lots of people much more knowledgeable on this site than me who I’m sure will be along to offer you advice and support.  

I do hope it’s just a few battles and not a war.  Lots of luck and virtual hugs xx

Hi, 

Thank you for your message.

I have also had many appointments packed into the past 2 weeks. I am new to hospital visits, of any sort. I have already had more contact with hospitals this fortnight than I have in the whole of my life so far put together. 

I am wondering how my health, both physical and mental, will cope with this looming challenge. Normally, I am so happy and so well. I didn't even know my GP, as I have had no reason to be in contact before. 

My 'ignorance' is still like a bubble around me, most of the time. I am surprisingly cheerful. I just get on with useful tasks, or enjoying the nice weather, or going for pleasant walks with my shopping bag over one arm.

I must try to get the image of Little Red Riding Hood out of my mind. I always felt so bad for her. But really it was the kindly, naïve grandmother who came off worst (in most versions of the story), wasn't it? Sometimes I feel I am always looking in the wrong direction and I never fully realise this until it's too late.

Hi,

Thank you for your message.

I have also heard that breast cancer is treatable and that there is every chance of normal life expectancy.

But I am not so sure about the quality of life afterwards?

A long life of pain does not appeal greatly, to me, at the moment. 

I am worried about looking "like a drug addict" too, though in some ways I will in fact be one, won't I?

I do feel I have woken up in the wrong world, somehow. 

I am not sure how much of my anxiety I can cure with cups of tea. 

I am about to find out. x

Yes I know what you mean about being new to hospital visits the only time I have been to hospital was to have my children.

I was happy go lucky but have now gone to the other extreme.

My past life pre cancer seems so  very far  away now .

I have though quite extensively about having treatments and spoken to my family about it as I too worry about having a changed life living with pain and drugs and lasting side effects and at the moment I'm not sure if this is for me.

We have difficult decisions to make and thats a fact and there are no easy answers even when we hear consultants say it is very treatable there is always that doubt in my mind .

Hi there, 

Sorry that you've been diagnosed. It's such a worrying time when you don't know what your life will be like afterwards. I really just wanted to try to reassure you that things will be normal again - hopefully before too long - and that you should be able to have a fantastic quality of life. 

I had bc 18 years ago (I had lumpectomy, lymph node removal and then rads for 6 weeks and drugs for 5 years) and I've had a fantastic quality of life. Unfortunately I've just been diagnosed again but have every faith in the experts and am fully expecting to get past this and get my lovely life back again - travelling, camping and having fun!

I also have many friends who have had various types of bc. Some had lumpectomy, some had mastectomy. Some had chemo and some rads. Some had long term drugs. All of them now have had a great quality of life and are enjoying themselves!

This is a horrible disease but luckily it's also very treatable and you can recover from it. In a strange way it's made me appreciate the good things even more. 

Much love to you and I hope you'll be out there, living your best life, very soon!

Lorraine xx

Thanks Lorraine for your positive, reassuring words,  they have certainly helped me and hopefully others on here.   I was having a bad day! X

Hi sorry to jump in but 18 yrs ??

Wow ! Thats amazing

Didnt know this was even possible , sorry if that sounds rather rude, but I am actually astounded by this as I have friends who have only managed the 3 to 5 milestone.

What an achievement, sorry to hear you have now been diagnosed again xx sending big hugs.

You say you had a good quality of life afterwards?

Was it a different life or very much the same ?

Did you have to live with a  lot of side effects?

Sorry for all the questions but I have an appointment next with with my oncologist and I have been very low and upset and in the verge of refusing treatment and taking my chances with what time I had left as I dont feel strong enough to deal with it all.

You have now given me a fresh perspective and many more questions as to if I have made the right decision for me.

Wishing you all the very best with your new journey

Thanks for posting xx 

Oh Sudge, I'm so sorry that you've been struggling like this. Please believe me when I say that in the last 18 years my life has been great - perhaps even better than before my diagnosis because I learned to appreciate every little thing!

I had a few side effects in the early days but nothing that wasn't easily treatable and nothing that ever stopped me from doing what I wanted. Treatment can be a long journey but one that's very worth taking. I'm so glad I took everything the doctors offered me and I'll do the same again this time whatever that might be!

If you want to keep in touch through this, drop me a friend request - I'll be happy to chat away about anything and offer moral support. I might need some myself too - who knows! 

Much love and I hope you're feeling a bit more positive now. 

Lorraine xx

Dear YesMaybeNo, so sorry you find yourself here but it is not a war, it is an endurance test, it is quite doable but depending on your treatment plan you will probably feel unwell before you get better.  It is the most scary place to be but everyone on here has been in the same place as you and will help and support you, we know how you feel, you are not alone.  Love Ann