Completely new to this! In need of advice about telling family.

Hi loobylou16, and welcome to the forum.  The waiting for tests and results is really awful and the worst part of the whole process in my opinion.

With regards to when and what to tell your family I think the best advice I can give you is to do what is going to be best for you and not to worry about your family's feelings.  In my case I didn't tell anyone until I knew it was cancer and even then I only told my husband.  I wasn't going to tell my sons either but if they ever found out they would have been very hurt so I told them the day before my surgery.  After surgery my husband told his side of the family but no one on my side knows as it was easier and better for me not to tell them.

Everyone is different so do what is best and easiest for you.

Really hope it turns out to be nothing.  

Wishing you all the best x

Sorry that you find yourself in this situation.  Who to tell is an individual decision.  It is a difficult one.  I have a son who has bipolar disorder and I was very anxious about telling him.  I decided to do so and asked him for his moral support.  He has been brilliant.  At first I did not want to tell people but I decided that it was better for people to hear it from me rather than a rumour.  With regard to your employer let us hope that they will be supportive but it looks as though you will have to tell them.  Let us hope that it is not cancer but you need people's support and so does your husband.  I have been pleasantly surprised at the support and offers of help that I have had.  We do not want to have this disease but if we do we need understanding and the support of those around us. Good luck with making your decision and I hope that you may find out that it is just a scare.  If not we are all here to help and support you on your journey.  Sending you a hug.  Take care x

Hi and welcome

I got my recall letter after routine mamogram, only told boss (friend) as I needed time off work, I kept all appointments and result to myself as I really didnt have the answers to the questions and needed to just get on with work, and a 90th birthday party to plan

It wasn't until I had an op date did I tell my sister and sons, I kept it quite general and didn't go into detail about biopsy etc

People at work have been told its a private matter and not to discuss it. My best friend and boss know the score and have been great, I just don't want drama 

I sound a nightmare but I feel at present it's aprivate matter and I'm not ready to have it openly discussed. I may need more support later down the line

Take care 

Hi

welcome and of course it’s ok for you to be here. This is a place for support and information so everyone is welcome. I’m new myself. 
You have done what I did when I first noticed a lump in my right breast, the only person I told was my partner. Firstly, well done for having the bottle to do that.

I have three children (one teen, one pre-teen and one baby) and we chose not to say a word to them until we had a definite diagnosis, for obvious reasons, because it would have been incredibly confusing and worrying for them and potentially could have been for nothing. 

We also chose not to share what I’d found with our wider family (my mum, brother, partners siblings) because we didn’t want to cause them any undue worry. I think it really depends on the type of family you are and how close you are, you may find that some family members might notice if you’re distracted. It really is a personal choice about whether to tell them or not. People will react differently and feel differently, some will be outwardly positive whilst others may worry a lot. 

With regards to work, I’m on maternity leave so I didn’t need to let my employer know immediately as I’m already off work. But I understand the feeling of not wanting to tell your employer before you tell your family. However you shouldn’t have to give your employer a reason behind your medical appointment, although I appreciate they may want to see an appointment letter which will detail what you’re being seen for. They have to keep your information confidential by law though (doesn’t change how you feel either though).

If you do decide to tell your family, my advice would be to try and remain calm, despite any reactions you may get, and ask them not to start Googling stuff because it’ll just throw up scary things and Google isn’t your Doctor. I avoided the internet completely, literally didn’t search for any information after I noticed my cancer symptom and I’m so glad I did because Google can be a terrifying place when you’re in limbo. 

If you decide to remain quiet about your appointment then equally my advice would be try to be positive, the 31st probably feels like ages away right now but it will pass and the breast clinics in hospitals have timelines that they have to stick to, so if the clinician who sees you decides you need to have scans/tests, they’ll get this done quickly. Try to talk to your husband and be open with each other, the way I tried to face it when I was in this stage was “it is what it is”. I had quite a strong instinct that told me I had cancer even before the biopsies, so I had already begun the process of “getting my head around it” (not that I ever believe I can truly do that). You can’t change the results but you can change how you handle the results. 

Good luck for your appointment and my advice would be post here anytime you’re feeling anxious or looking for a bit of support. 

It's different for everyone.  I only told my work and a few people in my family before I got the first biopsy results (as I knew I might have to cancel things in advance), part of me didn't want to upset them or to jump the gun either, but even at this stage it was good to have people who were close to me know and help distract me.  Then when I got the results I told loads of people (my mother in law doesn't understand and comes from the "it's none of their concern" school of thought). But I'm dreadful at secrets. Everyone I've told has been tremendously supportive, I've been both surprised and overwhelmed by their kindness, by discovering how many women I know have been through the same thing themselves but kept it private, and at times I feel down I try and remind myself how many people are holding me in mind. It's been a great comfort.

Welcome and sorry you find yourself here. You’ve had great advice already here, it’s very individual. Yes you need to tell work as I did and hubby, I have a 12 year old who I told when I had a firm diagnosis and have kept her up to date all the way since. I told my closest friends that I’d found a lump, 3 people, but other than that I waited to tell my parents until I had a diagnosis, it will have a massive impact on them and I had the advantage of seeing them when my sister was diagnosed 20 years ago with Hodgkin’s, it doesn’t matter how old you are, you’re their baby and their sleepless nights start straight away too so I just wanted to share that. But ultimately only you know who you want to tell, the dynamics for you, etc. It’s a personal decision and there are no wrong answers. If your husband has someone he wants to reach out to them I’d say let him, make the decisions together, the diagnosis is a family one in many ways. 

Also be aware, in my experience, the more people you tell, the more opinions you get, not all of them comforting or welcome!! People don’t always react the way you think they will, for good and bad! Please let us know how you get on and do post whenever you like, never to early to be here to get support ️

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond so supportively.  Your comments are really helpful and have reassured me that I don't have to rush into telling other people but should do it when it seems right for me.  .