My partner has depression and I dont know what to do...

I'm not sure I can help much but as someone who suffers with depression and am midway through treatment, I can empathise. Can I suggest you also post your note here so as to widen the pool for getting help:

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/emotional-support-forum

Perhaps phone and speak to someone trained via the Macmillan line too. Cancer really sucks the life out of you and family and friends, treatments are so much better than before but the emotional side takes its toll too. see also here which may help:

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/impacts-of-cancer/depression

good luck x

Hi

I've just found your post and really feel for you both.  It really does sound you've all had a very hard, and difficult, time.

Firstly, I feel you, or your partner, should contact McMillan.  0808 808 00 00.  Website -

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/get-help/emotional-help/macmillan-support-line

Perhaps,

1.  you could phone this number, explain the situation, and then probably take the call yourself, arranging for  your partner to speak to them.  They have counsellors for just this sort of issue, plus others.  Get this line of help underway asap, as counsellors probably won't be available straight away

2.  Ring your GP surgery and get an urgent appt with the GP who you get on best with, and who knows what's been going on lately.  They maybe able to prescribe something, short-term, to help your partner cope just now and should be able to refer you to, maybe a counsellor

3.  Contact her breast care nurse and ask her to help where she can.  She should have access to a lot of support for you

I suspect, as a lot of men, the emotional side is beyond you.  That's not your fault, just how you are.  It clearly doesn't mean you don't care, as you clearly care very much.  I can only suggest you encourage her to talk to you, and friends.  Friends can possibily help out with the emotional side but, while you look on, watch what actions, ie hugs, listening and giving input/questions to gently probe clarity, which will help her understand her own feelings.  Then, maybe, you can 'copy' some of the actions / responses and learn some of the 'noises' that she can relate to.  Lots of  hugs, I would imagine, too

Are the children old enough to understand what's been going on and why their mum is not coping too well?  Perhaps they could do more around the house.  Pampering a bit, showing your love for her, the children finding novel ways to show their love for her etc will surely feel life is worth living again.

It sounds as though your daughter is over the worst and has a good, long life to enjoy.  That's brilliant .  She will also need a lot of support and she may be feeling very guilty that she 'has brought this on' to cause her mum, and you, such stress etc.

Maybe your partner could either go to stay with a friend for a few days, or perhaps her and a friend could go away somewhere for a few days, to rest a bit.  Unfortunately, she'll take all her 'baggage' with her as I doubt she'll be able to leave it behind.

I do wish there was something I could do to help.  As I said, I really feel for you, your partner and your girls.  I'm sure there's no one who hasn't been affected.

Although difficult, I agree it could be very difficult for her Mum to come over, for many reasons.  I have to say, I have a few 'surrogate' daughters, who call on me for support, or understanding, or just to yell at etc.  I just do what feels right at the time.

for your info, I suffer with depression and have had breast cancer both 9 yrs ago and earlier this year.  fortunately, no chemo and both were lumpectomies but there's still a lot to deal with emotionally.  My friends  have been brilliant.  One is still bringing me evening meals, hot and ready to eat.  Her hubby then drives back up the road and they then eat theirs.  It's been a life saver (I live alone, parents gone around 10 yrs ago - no family, just wonderful friends)

I hope you can get the support you clearly need, quickly.  Please get on the phone to the MacMillan help line, GP and Breast Care Team (yes, they should still be there for you - it's all related)

{{{  Hugs  }}}   X X X

Hi

It must be very hard dealing with all of this , particularly as with covid so many things are very different. I know a lot of places such as cancer centres are not physically open at the moment. , but their services carry on. Can you find your local Maggies centre or local cancer charity and ask them for advice? I know several charities have places for cancer sufferers/survivors to be able to go for short breaks , the best thing to do to find them is to google holidays cancer sufferers  and see where that takes you ? 

I can see others have advised on a few things , hopefully your wife will be able to find some peace - it sounds like she is suffering from PTSD which is not uncommon in your circumstance, so a call to the GP would probably help her get some mental health help too.

Best wishes

Jo 

Thank you Tired Minion,

We have spoken to the MacMillian help line and they are sorting out a BUPA counselor. Off to see the GP today and also a stay for her with her Mum next week to have a break. Will be talking to the local Maggie centre too.

She has a brighter morning yesterday but is still not well. But she knows that there are lots of people around her trying to help.

Sending positive thoughts in your direction.

Thanks

Thank you for your kindness,

We have spoken to the MacMillian help line and they are sorting out a BUPA counselor. Off to see the GP today and also a stay for her with her Mum next week to have a break. Will be talking to the local Maggie centre too.

She has a brighter morning yesterday but is still not well. But she knows that there are lots of people around her trying to help.

Sending positive thoughts in your direction.