New here, and feeling a bit weird

Hello Lillaicha.  Sorry that you find yourself here.  Not one of us would choose this.  Isn't it great that you are not in pain?  Why are you thinking that you are a fraud?  Your body has just had major surgery.  You have had a shocking diagnosis.  You are recovering well but your body still needs time to fully heal.  If your medical team think you need two weeks off work just relax and enjoy it.  Being a head chef must be a big responsibility and hard work.  Your employer cannot allow you to work so soon as there is a duty of care to employees. Do you have an interest that you could concentrate on while you are recovering?  The weather is nice so maybe go out for a walk and enjoy the sunshine? This has helped me a lot and I try to find something different that I have not noticed before.  Clearly your partner and your friends love you and want to take care of you, please let them do it, it will make them feel better too.  I do understand that if you feel well you may also feel that you don't want a fuss and worry.  People who care about you are going to do it anyway and if you are resistant you may make them more anxious about you.  May i wish you a successful outcome and a happy return to work in due course?  Take care.

Thank you for your kind words. I have been going out for walks nearly every day, and find them really helpful.

Hi Lillaicha,

I wouldn’t feel bad about taking a few weeks, or even longer, off work. You’ve had a mental shock, apart from everything else, and that takes a bit to get over.

Is there anything you’ve wanted to get done for a while but haven’t had the time? Some decorating or gardening? You could set yourself some small tasks, without pressurising yourself, and see what you can do. What about some online yoga or other exercise class, even going to the gym? A few days out with some nice walks? Allow yourself some breathing space. It’s part of your healing.

Have you tried mediation? The headspace app is good.

I’ve been off work since February, they’re managing without me! I’m sure your work colleagues will understand, a few weeks off isn’t much to ask for. 

Bluebell xx

What you say strikes a chord with me too. I'd much rather be at work, but if they've given you 2 weeks off, try to enjoy it if you feel good. It's great that you have dealt with an op like this so well. I was told that my attitude was great. I know I dealt with the diagnosis better than most would, but your body still needs time to heal. I've been redesigning my flower beds, pulling up nettles and weeds. My friends tell me I shouldn't and to rest. It is hard to relax. Why don't you go back part time and do some office work and just get used to going back slowly. Your workplace is being very kind to you indeed and the offer they're giving you will mean you can go back slowly and get used to it. It's natural to be anxious and lose confidence. 

Thanks Bluebell, I have tried to do a few decluttering tasks, but it makes me feel guilty! If I can do stuff at home then maybe I should be doing stuff at work!

I do really need to try to do some meditation, but I’m finding it very difficult to focus.

Thanks Venice, my boyfriend couldn’t believe how well I dealt with the diagnosis, considering that I suffer from depression, anxiety and cry over the smallest thing! I’m going to pop in and see my kitchen staff next week, and maybe try to do some office work, but I’m finding it difficult to concentrate.

Good idea. I bet they'll be really glad to see you so well. I went to a meeting of a voluntary group the other evening, warned them beforehand I hadn't been doing much and was going " for social reasons" - did me a lot of good ! It helps actually that their expectation level is low to start with. People who haven't had cancer think the worst and think everyone has chemo, whereas we (really thankfully) haven't had to have that awful thing and are feeling pretty good in ourselves and relieved to have had the best surgery on NHS.