Is it ok not to be ok?

Perfectly normal so remember it's not your job to make them feel better about your diagnosis.  When they play it down just say that you still struggling with the shock of being told you have cancer and feeling a bit meh!  When they respond - head tilted - you'll be fine just reply that yes you are sure you will be but you time to absorb all that has happened and thank them for their understanding xx. Then change the subject .

Come rant on here.  This is a safe space to voice your darkest thoughts & fears .  There is an awake thread which is just chat.  Just go to last post & say hi !  

Dear  it is definitely ok not to be ok and pretending you are for the benefit of those around you must be absolutely exhausting.  I didn’t tell anyone when I found out I had cancer precisely for that reason - I didn’t want to have to worry about other people’s feelings.  To this date my side of the family still don’t know.  I told my husband but waited to tell my sons until the day before surgery and that was it.

My mother and brother still don’t know and I prefer it that way.  I could just about cope with my feelings wotnout worrrying about everyone else.  Try not to worry about sparing their feelings and focus on what you need to do for you.

Try not to worry too much though because unless you have been to,d that your cancer isn’t treatable then chances are very high that once you get through your treatment that you will be cancer free.  Breast cancer is very treatable these days.  Even chemotherapy seems to be much more doable for people than it used to be.  Some people struggle a bit and others not so much.  There is a chemotherapy thread you might want to join so you can get support from others going through chemo at the same time as you.  Just click here for the June thread https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/chat-breast-cancer/f/questions-about-diagnosis-and-treatment/218946/june-2021-breast-cancer-chemo

Wishing you all the best with your journey x

Hi Topgran,

I was very afraid when first diagnosed but kept most of that to myself. I most definitely did not want to tell my adult children about my diagnosis/prognosis when there was uncertainty surrounding it. Some friends and acquaintances said I was a ‘strong woman’ and would get through it and that seemed to signal the end of any conversation on the subject.

I felt I had to talk to someone so arranged for counselling and well being coaching through Macmillan. These have both been great as the counseller and well being coach are both trained to ask the right questions and, importantly, listen to the answers and let you express yourself. Not everyone wants to have counselling but I’ve found it very helpful.

I said that I thought I would be burdening people and moaning if I let my feelings be known. My well being coach encouraged me to think of it as sharing. She suggested that some people might want me to share and that this might make them feel more included. I have tried to be (a bit) more open which has actually been OK. Of course, you can choose when and how much you share. 

The thought of chemo is daunting. I’ve completed my 6 rounds now. Everyone is different, and responds differently. I’ve found it very hard at times but I have done it. My partner was my main support, I definitely think you need someone.

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. It sounds like how I felt anyway. Hoping you manage to get some peace of mind soon.

Bluebell xx

Thanks for responding, I appreciate you spending time to do so. I am doing my best to rationalise my feelings and live with the new normal. I am so glad that my cancer is treatable I just need to get my head around the treatments ahead. 

All the best.

Cheers. Sounds sensible. Oh, and why do people immediately look down to your chest when you mention breast surgery? And yes, one is smaller than the other! X