My wife has just been diagnosed

Hello Ken, firstly, if your wife is fit and healthy then that’s a good start. It’s going to be a long journey for both of you and you can only take each stage at a time. Have a notebook handy and write all questions down as when you see the professionals it can get overwhelming (write down what they say to you too).  As for the COVID vaccine, your wife may be able to bring her second vaccine forward prior to chemotherapy if that’s the route she will be going. Good luck 

Bless you both Ken. Without sounding patronising, it is really nice that you have come on here to ask for her. It shows how much you care. This is so important to her, to have you there to listen and help.  As nyx said, your wife is starting from a strong position being fit and healthy. Having been through cancer treatment (click on my name to see the details) through the pandemic, I can completely understand that this adds a whole new level of anxiety to the one that already exists. You feel very vulnerable. Through most of my treatment there was no vaccine available and so the fact that your wife has had one and hopefully her second soon will put her in an even stronger position. I had my first vaccine whilst still undergoing chemotherapy (towards the end of this stage of treatment) and so if she follows that treatment pathway, please take the advice of her oncologist as they usually advise that during your window (between blood test result and next chemo) that you are safe to get the vaccine. There is so much to take in and you are only at the beginning of your journey. Does your wife know her treatment pathway?

Warm hugs,

Bekky x 

Hi Ken totally understandable you and your wife are scared. my husband and I were exactly the same back in Jan when I found out I had breast cancer it was total shock and all I can remember the consultant saying its treatable had my op 26th Feb was a success all gone with no spread started chemo in March and have my last cycle Wednesday  I clung onto that word with both hands all the way the way through my treatment I had my first jab the day after my biopsy and had my second jab half way through my chemo all you can do is take each day at a time take a note pad with you to the oncology appointment write down all you want to ask as it's so easy to forget the BC nurses are always there for you to ask any questions you have sending love to you both regards Belinda xx

Hi Ken, being fit and healthy will help enormously with treatment. I certainly didn't feel like I had cancer when I was diagnosed in September but going into chemotherapy at a good starting point will be so beneficial. I still managed to work through all my treatment, taking some days off of course. I still managed to jog for some days for the first 3 cycles of chemo. I think it has helped me bounce back so although it is a huge shock for both of you, it is really great that she is already fit and healthy.

It is a very scary time. I assume you don't have a treatment plan yet and are still going through all the scans. This is the worst part. You kind of just get in with it once you know how they're going to treat you.

I had an incredibly supportive husband which I was so grateful for. I actually think the whole experience is worse for the loved ones!

Good luck to both of you. 

Hi all thanks for the positive support I have a question after speaking to a friend about Jaynes diagnosis  and said his wife's sister has surgery  then chem so trying to understand why my wife is having chemotherapy first them surgery ??  

Hi Ken r1

it’s perfectly understandable that you and your wife are scared. The reason that your wife is having chemo first rather then surgery first  is to give the tumour a chance to shrink first. I’m a bit surprised that her oncologist didn’t tell her that as when I met my oncologist after I was diagnosed with Triple Negative breast cancer she told me that I would be having chemo first to shrink my tumours. My breast cancer was also grade 3.

Your wife’s medical team with do everything in their power to make your wife’s treatments as easy as possible for her and the fact that she is fit and healthy should stand her in good stead.

There is a family and friends group which you can join if you need support yourself. You can also contact the Macmillan helpline for support as well.

Wishing your wife the best of luck with her treatments and wishing you the best of luck as you support your wife as she goes to treatment.

Best wishes to you and your wife.

Daisy53

Thanks daisy that is great and thank you for the support I do not know what I will do with out her  but we will battle this together  cone what may

Thanks

Hello Ken r1

It is natural you must be worried but you are discovering how much progress has been made in bc treatments in recent years as so much is now personalised to individual cases. I did have my surgery first but a friend with a very similar diagnosis but larger tumour had chemo first. She had been told at the start she would need a mastectomy but the chemo shrank the tumour so that she only required a lumpectomy.  My cancer was almost six years ago and my friend's was almost five. So far we have had no evidence of anything returning.

Whilst the treatment can be unpleasant and it does feel like a fight, there are plenty of good results to give you hope for recovery and a future.

Your wife is going to need your support . I couldn't have managed without my OH. I expect he worried but he never let me know. He was just there to provide the practical things I needed.

Someone has already suggested to you the Friends and families group. You might indeed find that helpful.

I hope all goes well. If there are practical problems we can help with....do continue to ask. Does your wife need to chat....? Try the Awake thread for serious advice but sometimes having a laugh at ourselves. It can help.

Take care. Love Karen

It is great to hear all the success stories and battles won and hoping we see the same outcome. Will join the suggest group and thanks for the kind words, it is hard when you think it cannot happen to me and when you are diagnosed your world coming tumbling down. We have been married 35 years and Jayne has never been sick in all that time. She is a great teaching assistant helping children with learning disabilities and that she is missing that at the moment. But told her to focus on her needs and get through this .

Our backgrounds are quite similar.  We had been married just a little longer....40 years....when I was diagnosed so I can understand your fears. In addition I have a teaching background although I had retired. My friend was a head mistress at the time. Her doctors were adament. Keep out of school.I think it is important that your wife stays away from school too until her treatment is finished. I know even in the last five years treatment has improved and can be adapted to lessen side effects but especially if she has chemo where her immune system will be diminished...school will not be a good place to be! Three times my chemo was delayed because the white cells were extremely low. Imagine if I had gone into school or been in contact with children who tend to spread every bug in the vacinity......

When you have definite treatment plans we can advise on tips which if there are side effects can make things easier. No two people react the same way though. We always try to stress that. There isn't a right or wrong way of coping or dealing with a problem. Just occasionally things which need checking by a specialist and shouldn't be ignored but mostly coping in a way that suits you best.

I know telling you not to worry is ridiculous....even now I have 'what if ' days but if it is possible to spend some of these days while treatment is finalised doing interesting things, it will help you both by distracting you. We had a holiday booked and the best advice my GP gave us was to go. He said nothing would be delayed while we were away and he would make sure everything was in place for our return. He did exactly that and whilst we couldn't exactly forget the upcoming treatment, there were times when we were able to enjoy a nice meal or visit an interesting place that we had thoughts on other things.....

Take care. 

Love Karen