Hello Everyone

Yes. I've always felt like this. Feels like its happening to a completely different person. Outwardly I'm calm but not inwardly. How did the surgery go ? Mines in about a week, then radiotherapy like you.

Hi Bee1849, I know just what you mean. I felt/feel like that. I have had one op and now am awaiting another. Sometimes I am very desperate (but actually not that often or for very long), at other times I'm perfectly fine as nothing bad is happening to me right here, right now. It's just some experts have told me I'm pretty ill and ought to have some treatment which is horrendous (possibly). So, what you are feeling, I readily recognize. I find it a busy time as well, being somewhat practical also, trying to get organised with work and suitable nightwear(!) and bras. Then after my first op, it was actually quite nice just having a lot of time to sit there and do nothing but allow my body to mend itself. I think my next op will be mentally more traumatic afterwards as I come to terms with a body that I don't recognise so well.
Occasionally, I wonder if I am in 'denial' as to what is really happening. I tend to think not as I am very aware what is happening and talk about it lots to my partner. Possibly I'm still in shock? Perhaps it will hit home later. Occasionally it does all come out when thinking about my body after the mastectomy which is approaching. But after that, I go back to a more normal mental state and feel just fine. The night before my first op, I became incredibly angry at one point. Which was almost funny as I thought, 'it's a bit late to feel like this, isn't it?'
It is a very strange time. Probably other people find it more immediate and visceral all of the time but for me, like you, it's often just surreal, like you have stepped into someone else's story line. One that you never really believed could happen to you, even though you may have feared just this thing happening for years. How strange and contrary our feelings can be.
Don't know if all that blurb is of any use to you? But that's how it is for me. Best of luck with the radiotherapy. xx

Hi Venicelagoon the surgery was fine   Felt tired afterwards but it didn’t last. Recovered quickly and felt more like myself. Hope your op goes well.  Did you find yours on a routine mammogram too?

I think we're very normal. I quietly sit in the Breast Clinic (normally 2 hour + wait) and listen to some loudly telling others that they won't take their tablets for flimsy reasons, complaining that they want a different Doctor, and just get on with it as best I can. I try to find the funny side of it. Wandered about with a body plastered all over with those sticky electrodes the other day - never noticed the Nurse hadn't removed any. Found them all in bed that night.

That's great. Yes. Found on a routine mammogram.

Amazing!!  I get everything you said. Not blurb at all you have just explained it perfectly.  I get that you don’t recognise your body. I just don’t think about it until I catch myself in the mirror and have to stop and take it in.  Good luck with your next op. Hope you get the space and time to mend . X

That's a hoot! All those electrodes! I bet she wondered where they were later! She might have felt a bit embarrassed! They are under a bit of pressure at the moment!

Two hour wait is a long time. I would be popping back and forth to the desk to make sure they hadn't forgotten me! I have been there when a couple of people had been forgotten so I am bearing that in mind for later.

I know some people have problems with the oestrogen suppressing tablets. Fortunately I seem ok so far. Just keep my fingers crossed, don't read the nasty things that happen to 1 in 10,000 people and hope for the best. I just want to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible. As you say, it's good to have a laugh. Me and a friend thought we could turn my prosthesis into a purse and then I could whip it out in the pub, unzip it and pay for my pint, and stuff it back down my bra. All part of the entertainment! If you didn't laugh you'd cry. It's easier to laugh when you haven't had the operation yet, I suspect. I'll let you know!

it’s tough for everyone I guess. We all express that in different ways. I like you sit and watch. Feeling grateful and trying to hold it together 

I love the purse idea I don’t carry one cos I never know where to put it!

I had a mammogram in March ‚just to check‘ because my left breast was lumpier for as long as I can remember. Wasn’t worried at all and was then told I have 7cm invasive lobular breast cancer in my boob! I’m in hospital right now recovering from my mastectomy and immediate reconstruction.

Getting the surgery date made it a lot more ‚real‘ but yes I still find myself feeling ‚detached‘ from the situation and at other times in a panic worrying about my two young kids. Absolutely agree with ‚the blurb‘ describing it perfectly really.

hope your treatment goes fast and well. All we can do is take a day at a time at the moment xxx