Breast cancern

Hi

Welcome to the forum, although equally that is said with sadness that you find yourself having to be here.

This forum is a wealth of information and it really is a fantastic resource as the only people who can really understand what you are going through are the people who've been through/ are going through it.

I'm 4 years down the line (nearly) now and I can remember those feelings exactly.  I had a massive sort out of my house and took loads and loads of stuff to the charity shop and thought there was no point in looking forwards to anything because "I have cancer".  The not knowing stage and thinking 'that's it, then" is the worst part of your treatment and I said at the end of my surgical treatment/radiotherapy etc. that the fear of the unknown was far worse than the actual treatment itself. 

One thing I can say is, that although we hear of people not surviving cancer, we don't hear of all the people who have had treatment and are getting on with their lives as normal.  Especially for breast cancer, because it is so widespread (it's the biggest group on this forum), the treatment is so fast moving and survival rates are enormous!  When I was diagnosed quite a lot of people I knew just messaged me and said that they'd had it - I wouldn't have had a clue....  I was diagnosed in June 2017 and within a year a new treatment was around that wasn't available to me (that would have been for my particular type) - so that shows how fast things are improving.

Once you know more details, stage, grade and type do pop on here and you'll get plenty of help and support.  But, in the meantime, my best advice would be just take every day and every step at a time - don't try and second guess "what if's" because that is the worst thing that you can do to yourself mentally.  One of the biggest battles in all this is overcoming your mindset.  It took me a good year after treatment that I finally felt as if I was able to look forward and not think about it every day.    Whatever you do, don't use Google - so much of it is out of date - use only trusted resources - Macmillan, Breast Cancer.org and Cancer Research UK.  

I hope this helps a little and I hope the news is as best as it can be on Thursday.

Kindest wishes, Lesley x

Thank you so much for replying!

I've been doing "The  Swedish Death Clean"  too and just made more chaos really!  The worst aspect is the feeling that there won't be a future for me. I am 70 already, and have had some horrible health things already, like a cranial aneurysm and heart rhythm problems. I live alone in a boring rural old cottage with no family or friends (gosh, this sounds self pitying!) so practical things are worrying me too, like shopping and getting the coal indoors etc etc.

Pain and chemotherapy are my biggest fears. Also, why the hell didn't I check my breasts ever???

I find your advice very comforting, thank you,

Wot

Hi

The rural cottage sounds lovely ... even if you think it's boring.  It doesn't sound self pitying and the pandemic doesn't help any feelings of loneliness either does it? The thought of death, especially when hearing the word cancer just stops you in your tracks doesn't it?

I live alone too, although I am seeing a chap and was seeing him at the time I was diagnosed. I will be totally honest and if you read some of the posts on here, some partners are more of a hinderance than a help!  After my initial meeting with my breast surgeon when my partner's phone rang just as the surgeon was telling me I had cancer (he left to answer it), then as soon as we got out he got on the 'phone again, then when we got back to the car he said "imagine having it in your nuts" and then 'phoned his ex wife to tell her (before I'd even considered who I wanted to tell) - I decided at that point I was 'on my own' with this.  .  It was the right decision for me and I just tell him when I have appointments and then leave it at that. 

Some types of breast cancer don't actually need chemo. which really surprised me.  I was 51 when I was diagnosed after my first ever mammogram. I went to the follow up to my car park mammogram, thinking that it was just a case that they didn't know my breasts, so it was quite a surprise to have them doing biopsies and pressing my breast - where I suddenly realised that actually there was a lump.  (I'd never checked mine and still don't really know how to).  I had 8cm removed from my breast due to 3 separate areas - DCIS grade 3 (54mm) - often described as pre-cancerous and 15mm invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC) oestrogen positive, grade 2.  But, I didn't need chemo. as I now take tablets to reduce oestrogen.  I have just over a year left of these, having been on them for nearly 4 years. When you know what your individual diagnosis is, you'll be able to cope a lot better with what's to come.  About a year after me, my friend's Mum was diagnosed at the age of 80 and although hers had spread to her lymph nodes with oestrogen positive breast cancer. She wasn't recommended chemo. either because of the potential benefits vs the potential side effects - she would have had it at the age of 70, so actually you are still quite young in terms of breast cancer .  There was an 86 year old lady at my radiotherapy sessions and she was doing really well with her treatment.

With regards to practicalities - my radiotherapy unit was 30 miles away and I drove there for the 15 sessions (60 miles a day) quite happily and actually quite enjoyed the drive / meeting the other ladies who were at the same time as me.  They do buses for patients who don't drive too.  It might be different now as I see a lot of ladies have 5 intense sessions rather than the 3 weeks of it.  I also did my own shopping, I just carried everything with my other arm and didn't load my bags so heavily.  (I lost my elbow in my opposite breast arm in a road accident at 17, so it was more awkward but achievable).

If you do need support for the shopping/ looking after the house then every breast cancer patient is assigned a breast care nurse and they will be able to ensure that you're ok, so try not to worry about the practicalities, they will certainly be able to advise you.  We're lucky that because breast cancer is so rife, MacMillan have breast care nurses - they fund them for the first year (I think it is and then the hospital pays for them),, but because of this we have such fantastic support.  I can still ring mine for advice until I am officially signed off, five years after diagnosis!

I won't lie, there is pain, but I only needed paracetamol and ibuprofen for a few weeks and it certainly wasn't as bad as I feared.

You never know, you might end up making new friends from this?  I still keep in touch with a couple of ladies I met at radio/the 'life after cancer' session the hospital ran after treatment had finished.  There are breast groups local to me (which I discovered was run by one of my neighbours!) - I don't go, but there is an awful lot of support groups for people who've had cancer.

Try not to worry too much as this stage, because until you know what your dealing with many of your fears could be completely unfounded. 

Kindest wishes, Lesley