Emotions after cancer

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I'm 2 years post surgery and will be 2 years post radiotherapy in January & take tamoxifen.

When I went through my cancer journey, although it was hard, I'd made my peace that it would be what it would be. I'd lived a great life, travelled, had the privilege of saving & improving the lives of others through my work & felt I'd lived a life worth living that I was happy with. I was ok with whatever outcome was in store for me. I was single & had the support of some great friends.

After my recovery I was changed in the regard that I knew what was important to me & didn't "sweat the small stuff". And had a whole load of gratitude everyday. I'm sure that others may well feel the same, that when you have a major health challenge, it changes you & for me that was positive. It allowed me to let alot of baggage go.

Life looks very different now, I met my now husband just over a year ago, we got married after 6 months. Marrying him was one of the best decisions I have ever made! After kissing a ton of frogs (& a few toads!) I found my prince. He'd had a major health challenge in the year before we met, so we have a similar outlook on life.

I recently found another breast lump, and thankfully it has turned out to be benign. But It was such a harder process because I had my husband. He was so supportive & i had the solid knowledge whatever the outcome he'd be there for me. But I realised I wasn't as "ok" with things this time because as strange as it sounds it was easier emotionally when i was single. I am still very emotional, despite the news that the cancer is not back. And this is feeling rather alien to me.

I'm trying to work my way through it & just felt the need to write it all down & share my thoughts. This forum seemed a good place to do that.

Thanks everyone, and wishing you all well whatever stage of your journey you are at.

Eebee 2 days ago

Hi Bojangles123

In some ways I think I can understand what you are saying. I’m two years post breast cancer too, three years in February. Although there were some tough times it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be and life went back to normal and, in many ways, even better than before. When I was recalled last year from my first mammogram, however, it knocked me for six and that recall scared me more than the original diagnosis. I wonder if it is because as well as the gratitude we can develop post cancer we also know that things can go wrong. Before a diagnosis there is almost a blissful “it won’t happen to me”, but then it did and so it isn’t some abstract thing that happens to someone else, it’s something we’ve actually experienced for real. I don’t know, and not sure I have been particularly helpful at all with my rambling(!), but just wanted to say I think I get where you are coming from. x

Bojangles123 2 days ago in reply to Eebee

Thanks for replying Eebee, I really like your rambling! .....

I'd been thinking it was being married that was the only factor, but on reflection I think there is likely more that one strand to my current feelings.

I think you're right that maybe the whole lived experience of the previous cancer journey changes you, it'll never now be an abstract thing, it's a very real thing.

I'm sorry to hear the recall knocked you for 6, and hope you are feeling OK now.

Your response has made me feel less alone with these feelings - thank you

Silverberg 2 days ago in reply to Bojangles123

Definitely not alone. My husband finds the fact I don’t “ sweat the small stuff “ anymore quite hard.
I went to the Festival of Remembrance on Saturday. My friend and I went down first class. The comfort of the lounge and space was far more important to me than the £30 I might have left in the bank.
I will be doing more, I think now, of what I want to do. Life as they say is too short.
Im glad you have someone to share the joy with.

Three times! What did I do?

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