How do you tell people

Hello Crazycatlady Do tears really matter? Maybe sharing your worries with a few, really close friends might help you too. 

Your partner obviously feels she needs a few people to know what's going on. I hope you are also able to talk together. This is important. She will be worried but she needs to know that you are very worried too. Too many misunderstandings happen when partners don't discuss their feelings about the cancer. But perhaps she feels you are too worried and that your friends would reassure you? Or that your fears aren't helping her? You need to chat about things not just on this thread. We are always here to support you but especially as it's your partner with the cancer. Would she post on here too?

I hope all goes well for you both. Treatment is very successful these days. My own cancer was 11 years ago and has stayed clear since treatment. 

Take care. Find those good friends and be brave. ........

Hi thanks for  reply, oh please don’t   get me wrong, we do talk, we talk all the time. Sometimes we don’t shut up lol. I’m just  finding it difficult to talk with others.

Sorry I misunderstood. I'm glad you are talking everything through. My OH was a huge support to me especially as he looked up some of the technical things like how a Port was inserted or what the lumpectomy involved. I didn't want to know but he asked all the sensible questions at appointments.

I'm not sure we told too many people. They tended to realise I wasn't well and ask OH then he told them. We did however tell our family very early on and on the same day.

So back to your friends. Has your partner chosen who she would like you to tell? That might help you prepare for the job. I still think it won't matter if you have tears when you tell them. If they can't cope with that, they won't be much support for your partner either.

Good luck.

Hi, I have two sisters and one I told the day after my diagnosis but my other sister was a bit distant at the time and it was getting me down thinking about telling her so I asked my first sister to do it for me, once she had said yes, the releaf was instant . So I just thought I would give you a insight from the other side. And yes it doesn't matter one bit about crying it's to be expected, it's normal. You can do it. Good luck. 

It’s close friends which makes it worse, as I know how upset they will be.I think sometimes I just need to get things of my mind and type it out, which helps me. ( if you know what I mean )

Absolutely, typing it out is a good outlet definitely. What stage are you two at if you don't mind me asking. Have you only just found out? 

Hi Louise53 Just 2 weeks from diagnosis, waiting for more tests after finding issues on the MRI. It’s the nightmare of all the waiting 

Hi Crazycatlady 

I just wanted to send a virtual hug because I know how hard it is waiting for things. I also had stuff come up on MRI and it lead to various delays. It’s tough at this stage, the hardest part by a mile in my experience, so I feel for you both going through this now. I guarantee your partner, and you, will feel better when you have her treatment plan simply by knowing what is happening and when. 

About telling friends, put simply so what if you cry? It’s scary stuff, it’s natural to be tearful. Your friends will understand and want to support you both. If you are feeling that your emotions are too much to cope with there are support services available. I had a couple of sessions of counselling arranged by MacMillan and I found writing in a journal daily also really helped to get out my worries and fears. x

Hi, I found that being straight, direct and factual worked for me, starting with,“I've got some bad news” and then getting straight to the point.  It’s also good to tell them how you and your partner want your friends to deal with it, for example, we're happy to talk about it or it's better not to ask about things.

I also admit I did some updates by text message rather than having the emotional trauma of repeating the same message time and time again and I even told some groups of less close friends by text.  This put me more in control of when I chose to answer messages, rather than being caught out on the phone.

One piece of advice.  I told people the exact time of my results appointment and, of course, everyone wanted an update.  I wasn't ready to talk that evening and I really wish I’d been more vague about when I was seeing the consultant.

Telling people is hard. But most people are super supportive and will want to help.  Good luck and best wishes to your partner 

Thanks for your reply. I did tell a few people by a facebook post, only allowing a few people to see it. That worked well..