Usual up all night not sleeping again ‍♀️

Hi Angie. Which drugs are you on? They are usually the culprits for bad sleep. Trouble is the more I try to sleep the less likely I am to do it. In the end I give up and read books that are reasonable but nothing I would enjoy too much. I wake up then with my glasses wonky and my kindle in my hand.

Let's talk about what it's like to have a grandbaby. I have four, all girls. They are my joy and reason for taking the drugs. NOTHING compares to holding that baby. I can spend hours, when blue, going back to ten year old pictures and videos, the videos are the best reliving all those magical moments. I have a favourite videos of each child. Ones that make me laugh out loud and ones that so clearly reflect their personalities even as toddlers. Then there are the ones that mark the passage of time and the changing seasons. To hold them or feel their warmth as they sleep next to you. The worst part by far of chemo was cancelling a sleep over because one was snotty. I cried more about that than the diagnosis. There was serious concern, when told about the surgery, that I might not be quite as comfy to sleep on. There was comfort too from hearing, after close scar inspection, that it would fade and look like mommy's soon. That's her section scar not a mastectomy scar.

Next time sleep evades you think about all those wonderful times, and the support you will be able to give your family because you are still here to do it. It is why I keep taking those little white tablets that I know cause me pain, depression, shifty sleep, and God knows what else.

I hope you are asleep now. Sending hugs.

Thank you so much that’s made me feel much better, I did eventually take a sleeping pill tablet at 3 this morning. Then of course your waking up later another day got the antenatal clinic with my girl today so buzzing for that just need to stop all the negative thoughts at night when your lying awake  , have a wonderful day 

thanks Angie