I have had a breast cancer diagnosis twice. The 1,st in 2013, the more recent one in January 2026 but this time it was more serious. It was Lobular Cancer but it had spread to 23 out of 25 lymph nodes removed during auxiliary clearance with Lumpectomy. I also had a 2nd small "simple cancer" near the lobular which was removed at the same time.
My cancer journey this time hasn't been straightforward - I had a disastrous reaction to the contrast dye inn extensive scans and ended up admitted to hospital for nearly a week with my surgery delayed for 3 weeks.
Then when I had my 1st chemo session I had a major reaction to that and could not swallow anything plus I had a severe ear infection. Again admitted to hospital for a week but was in isolation and very poorly!
I was discharged 2 weeks ago, my next chemo moved back 3 weeks.
I lost most of my hair last week and future son in law took it all off for me (a brave man)
My daughter isarrying him this week but it seems I aren't part of the preparations. Indeed my daughter hasn't asked for any help or included me in anything. Yees,,, I have been invited to the wedding but I feel like an accessory to be picked up and put down.
My son is walking his sister down the aisle because their Dad died years ago as did their Grandparents.
However my son's girlfriend showed me a photo of a charm he had bought for my daughter's bridal bouquet - there is a photo of my daughter with her late Grandad, a photo of my daughter with her late Grandma and then a photo of my daughter with her late Grandma and my son - I don't feature anywhere.
I just feel that despite it being my daughter's big day and I am supposed to be the Mother of the Bride - I just don't feature anywhere or have even been thought about, never mind how I am feeling!!
It is bad enough struggling to be brave after all the challenges I have faced plus trying to decide whether to wear a wig, a turban thing or channel Halle Berry at the wedding without feeling that I don't actually matter, nobody cares and, frankly feeling totally vulnerable and unwanted, but that bridal bouquet charm my son bought for his sister really put the nail in the coffin for my feelings!
Frankly, if truth be told, I don't actually want to go to the wedding - I don't want to be an unwanted accessory!
Sorry this is so very long but I needed to put my emotions down !!
Oh Rusty53x you have really been through the mill with your treatment journey and it’s unsurprising your emotions are all over the place. I doubt if your family regard you as an accessory to be picked up and put down, but they are probably very aware of what you have been through. Try to see your daughter not involving you as a way of protecting you rather than anything more sinister. Also try to see your son’s choice to include photos of grandparents but not you as a way to include people who can’t be there, rather than not including you. I hope it goes well for you all.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
I have metastatic Triple Negative Breast Cancer, in remission
Thanks Silverberg
When my daughter got married I was booked in for a hip replacement 10 days later. I wore flat smart shoes for the service and photos but trainers the rest of the time.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
I am a Macmillan volunteer.
I have metastatic Triple Negative Breast Cancer, in remission
