Intimacy and MBC

Hi Yulia, so sorry to read everything you are going through. So sorry about your daughter and your BC recurrence. Have you been to see your GP or spoken to your oncologist about your side effects? I think they should be able to prescribe something or change your medication as what you describe sounds severe. Can you explain to your husband how you are feeling? 
You can self refer at my local hospice if you have cancer and they offer different wellbeing support (including counselling), maybe ask your GP if there is something similar local to you, or are you near a Maggie’s centre to access some support there? 
I would absolutely get some medical help for those side effects and hopefully some wellbeing support too - a little kindness just for an hour a week can make a huge difference. 
take care x 

Many thanks for your response 
it’s so kind . 
I have spoken to my husband, and he said he found it’s hard to deal with his lifestyle changes… ( in a way it made me smile …) 

my GP is not too helpful at the moment they keep saying I should go back to oncologist and ask him for further help. 
my oncologist keep saying there is not much he can do .. the Macmilian nurse who used to look after me has left and I m in a limbo now  

Hello, firstly I have read your post carefully, and Bobofs response.

I cannot even contemplate how you are feeling.  You have a lot to cope with including grieving for your daughter only a few months ago 

Your husband is also grieving for your daughter plus knowing his lovely wife is struggling with her treatment for cancer.

It is a really tough situation for you both.

I suggest that you contact your breast care nurse department.  Explain your original nurse has left but you urgently need to have an appointment to see another breast care nurse (just because yours has left your cancer care team will not leave you abandoned, another nurse will have been given your case).

You tell your new nurse everything.  She should give you support.

Further, ask to see either a different GP at your local surgery or their senior practise nurse (my GP has a Advanced Nurse Practitioner - she is as good as the GPs).

When you make the GP appointment ask for a double appointment because you will need time to explain everything you are trying to cope with because there are a lot of different aspects to your problem.

You have your grief, your cancer diagnosis (twice - I know how that feels - I have just started my 2nd journey), your treatment for cancer, your treatment for grief plus all the physical marital/ intimate issues.

You need gentle consistent support from your medical teams.

To sum up - contact your breast care nurse department who should allocate your case to a new breast care nurse.

Contact your GP surgery and ask to see a different GP or the practise nurse (if you see the practise nurse she will listen and if necessary make an appointment for you to go back and see a GP)

Make sure the appointment at the GP surgery is a double one so you have time to talk about everything you are dealing with.

Now you and your husband have actually talked to each other about what you are trying to deal with - see if he can just gently give you a cuddle - no pushing for more - just hold each other quietly and support each other.

You are going through an awful lot of really strong emotions which, along with all your medications can cause your body to react in different ways.

Hopefully your two care teams is new breast care nurse and a different GP or the practise nurse, will be able to sort out your meds and support your feelings.

I send you gentle hugs x

Hi Yulia, that’s great that you have had a chat with your husband. Hopefully you can keep that communication a bit more open now. My BCN disappeared before my second op and it made me feel really lost - but Rusty is right, you should ask for another nurse as you need support and advice. 
Once you start accessing some help and addressing physical symptoms it will give you more space to cope with everything else. 
X 

Thank you so much , for your kind comments and thoughtful explanation. 

I have spoken to my husband and he says he is scared and don’t know how to deal with things . 
he just want everything be back to normal  bless him … 

and that’s it ! 

although , I also contacted hospital and asked to talk to a nurse who might available soon. 
Hopefully she will call me next week. 

kind regards 

Yu

It’s such a huge adjustment and you both have such a lot to cope with together. In some ways my anxiety around my family and how much they are having to deal with has hurt most. I really hope you can support one another to find your new normal

Hope the nurse comes through for you too. 

Thank you  

I know to watch the family being afraid and helpless, it’s very painful 
 

How are you doing yourself bobof? 

Hi , I’m trying to stay positive, trying not to show my anxiety or negative thoughts. 
everyone acting aa if everything ok , when you are alone at home , trying to do everything possible to keep dogs happy , house clean , food to be ready when husband back home …. Fighting with brain fogs and being type one diabetic is challenging itself . I don’t get up till about 8:30-9 am and then trying to get into my day slowly . I often skip lunches , I’m still trying to find right balance but it’s just hard to stay motivated. I’m sure you know for yourself . 

I also overwhelmed with sudden death of my oldest daughter, who sadly passed away January 2025 … I’m hart broken 
 I’m trying not to burden my youngest one who just went to the university for the first year . 

Yesterday I lost one of my jobs I was doing part time  … it’s just never stops . 

It is a balance, you are right. We are all different but I have never been very good at holding things in! I need to work through things emotionally and then try to pick myself up. I don’t think you can apply this to the loss of your child. That is devastating. I would be on the floor Yulia so dont be so hard on yourself- it sounds like you are doing brilliantly. 

There is an approach of active processing - allowing a specified amount of time each day to release your emotions and then putting it aside. Have you tried any counselling? 

Maybe start with the things you can control and make sure you are looking after yourself? See your GP for help with physical problems and focus on diet and exercise. Exercise always helps me physically and mentally. Could you try something for your wellbeing like reiki? 

I am doing well. Am on 6 monthly checks and feeling like I can put my life back together. Thanks for asking. 

Thank you for your advice regarding the controls of things . 

I have tried counselling it’s just not working for me or perhaps I haven’t found a good one yet six months checks that’s good. It’s very promising. I have been on every 3 month CT scans and on ribociclib , Zolodex  letrozole , dunasemup, the last two give me a complications of the side effects that I have to deal with as well I don’t know on what medication you are on I am developed in 2024 metastatic form which is under control at the moment and I’m incredibly happy about it. I hope it’s gonna stay that way as long as possible. 
 I guess every three months CT gives an idea to my oncologist how things are . 

I have young daughter to look after , she needs me . 

raiki I have never tried , but a good idea I should give it a go. Thank you for chatting to me . 

take care and have a good day .