Feeling alone

Hi there

It's awful feeling alone when you really need others the most. I find my loved ones tend to have a hard time with anything they perceive as negative and, much like you've described with regards to your husband and son, if I express feeling bad about anything, they argue against it and try to talk me out of it. I recognise that they do this to try to fix the situation, but unfortunately I find it actually makes things worse.

I have accepted this about them now so I take the support they can provide and find what they can't elsewhere - such as on here! I've also been referred for counselling through my BCN team and that should be available to you if it's something you might be interested in considering.

Hope this helps somewhat and if you ever need to rant or vent or have a virtual cry and you need support, we're all here. x

Firstly, big, very gentle hugs to you. 

I previous had breast cancer / lumpectomy and radiotherapy and now I am in a second journey with my other breast but this time the type of cancer is different causing a lot more investigative processes (I am now waiting just over a week for a bone scan).

What I want to say is family members deal with the news that their wife / partner / husband  spouse or parent has cancer sooo differently.

I am a widow but have 2 adult children = son and daughter plus future son in law who is like a second son.

My daughter is very supportive and accompanies me to as many appointments she can.  She checks how I am and does her best.

My son - well he doesn't really know how to respond.  He feels very awkward and apart from telling me to sit down and tell me to stop trying to do house jobs and making me an occasional drink he never mentions what is happening at all.

My future son in law, is very emotional and shows his emotions (his Mum is in remission from cancer) but is happy to take me to test appointments when my daughter is at work.  

However I know all three are scared, worried for me but don't really know how to express their own feelings to me about what is happening.

I think that perhaps if you could maybe get a family friend to either visit when you are all at home or you all go out for a coffee / light meal with a friend, you explain that you are struggling because of what you are having to face health-wise and that you need everybody to stop arguing / fighting and all work together so you can have a calm atmosphere at home.

Alternatively ask a breast care nurse to visit you and your family and ask the nurse to mediate or advocate for you.

Phone the Macmillan helpline and speak to a nurse about what is happening at home - they may be able to offer a way of helping you.

Or does your hospital cancer unit have a cafe / support centre where patients can go and receive support / make friends?  An advisor there might offer support or solution.

Your husband and teenager are worried but don't know how to express their feelings - that is resulting in the arguments.  They need to be able to talk about what is happening with you but most definitely you need someone to be there to support you when you all sit down to talk about what is happening.

Remember you are most definitely not alone and there will be someone either within your local cancer care team or, a friend or maybe extended family who could help your husband, teenager and most importantly you carefully talk about how you all feel.  

(If I lived nearby I would be round to try and help you)

Again, big, very gentle hugs to you x