Giving up

Hi Eden . You sound like you need some support. There is a 24 hour helpline on this site. We all have these moments of black. Before BC they were blue days. But something or someone will add I'm some brightness. 1.30 I'm the morning is not a great time for friends and family but I spotted you and I'm here to listen.

I'm laid on the setter . I had my fifth treatment today. I know I'm not going to sleep well so I'm using the downstairs loo while OH used the upstairs one. It also means I can make a drink without waking him up. I shall catch up tomorrow. He hasn't learnt the art of napping.

I wouldn't consider stopping anything. I'm trying to be sensible and sort out the side effects as they appear so far the headaches and cystitis pain being the worst. Check out my profile you will see this is not my first time with BC although it is the first time doing chemo. If I'd given up the first time I would have missed out on so much. 2 beautiful weddings, not mine, my children's. If I'd stopped the second time I would have missed the birth of two of my granddaughters. The seven year old insisted on Facetiming me this morning before going to school. She knew I had a chemo day and wanted to chat about what she was doing today. She knew it would make me happy. ( Yes she's my favourite) .

Please ring the helpline. Or talk to me.

Thank you so much. I did sleep - mainly due to wine which I also shouldn’t be drinking. I hate posting on here because I feel such a fraud. There are so many people so much worse than me. It’s just disheartening to know that you’re going into yet another storm whereas before I didn’t know what to expect - now I do. 
I appreciate the reply and the support. 
I hope you manage to catch up on your sleep today and feel a little better. Those good days are a bonus eh? X

Hi Eden. Having breakfast, so glad to hear from you.

I'll have a day napping as I said. Wine is never great on a blue or black day. I went alcohol free from the day they put in my line. I was a  confessed 20 units a week girl. We all know that means I enjoyed more. As one of the chemo nurses said the first bad days could have been me drying out. She was joking but she may have had a point. 

I'm not great on this website so haven't managed to find your profile but it will give me a task for today. 

Please don't feel like a fraud. Your thoughts, opinions and feelings are as valued as anyone elses. 

You get through these things one day at a time and by setting targets. Lots of little wins. Cliche but true.

Have a good day.

I hope you have a relaxing day. And again thank you. People on here seem to be so much stronger than me. I know deep down I have to keep going it just seems so wrong when you know how harsh it is on your body. X

enjoy your napping! X